she has a lot of land--

latest rambling. first draft.

she has a lot of land⎯

trees, forests, fields, fields

full of wildflowers⎯irises,

poppies, queen anne's lace,

daffodils. 

animals too⎯

cats, turkeys, birds. none

are hers, belonging

only to themselves. 

she lives alone. the sun

rises and sets in gold⎯

the mountains 

green and dirt

brown. fish swim and

reproduce, water

slowly changes.

she is beautiful⎯her hair

is long, she never ages.

she lives in the 1920's or 30's

or 60's.

she came from the sea

where all life 

originated. she once

told me if she found a 

family

to love, 

she would have to stay.

a man to love⎯

that yes, she is capable 

of love⎯ and could

love and will love

and does

love, and does 

love, love,

love.

Reviews

[David Benson]

I saw the note that this is a first draft. It has its moments, but is not as polished as your other works. The first five or six lines feel too much like a list, and I think that's because the flora and fauna listed are all quite common. For me, the second verse has more strength, and I particularly like that she "lives in the 1920s or 30s/or 60s." NOTE: There is no possessive when you talk about years - it's 1960s.

I don't know that I'd end with so much love, but I'll wait until I see this in a more polished form. I like your writing style, so I'm figuring that you'll work it, and once again, I'll be amazed.