Face the Strange by Dallas Philpott -- PART 1

The 'My Immortal' of crossover fanfictions? SERENITY NOW!

WARNING: I do not own the following products: Harry Potter, Sonic the Hedgehog, Naruto, Twilight, Yu Yu Hakasho, The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Legend of Zelda & X-Men. Also seeing as how this fanfiction was taken off of deviant art and fanfiction.net, the following fanfiction belongs to the actual owner: Dallas Philpott. You can read this fanfiction on this website: http://xdallyx.webs.com/

EXTRA WARNING: The following review includes some graphic material having to do with sexual intercourse. If you are mature enough to read that with some censoring then continue, if not please wait until I am done with the Face the Strange series until you return to reading my reviews.

Fanfic #8: Face the Strange by Dallas Philpott

I’m not looking forward to this one. Why, you may ask? Well because it has been put under as one of the WORST fanfictions ever made, some saying that it is even worse than ‘My Immortal’. Another question that may have popped into your mind is the question: What is ‘My Immortal’? I’ve referenced it a couple of times but I have not exactly said what it was. Well, to put it simply: It is, what I consider to be, the worst thing ever written. And that’s saying it nicely.

‘My Immortal’ is the story of the vampire Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and her experiences while being a student of Hogwarts. What’s the problem with it? The author takes each character and bends that character’s very personality to her will so that she can have some hot action on the written page with hot actors the way she likes. She goes on to dismiss any other point of view, except her own calling it words like “gay” and “prep”. In fact, one could call this an interesting read as you actually dig into the author’s psyche a little bit. You see her different desires, you see what makes her tick, you see how she feels during certain situations and also you get to see what her fetishes are…A LOT…and I didn’t even mention the grammar.

So yeah, when I hear that this could actually be WORSE than My Immortal, I shudder a bit. Let’s not postpone this any longer, let’s dig into FACE THE STRANGE!

Our story begins with our main character Dally riding the “Hogwarts Express to Hogwarts with her best friend Edwart Cullen.”

…It already hurts…The FIRST SENTENCE is ALREADY making me hurt…good god, what’s next? Is she going to turn out to be a vampire like Ebony from My Immortal?

Dally then tells us she is a witch and that like Edward, she is a vampire.

OH GOD WHY?!?!

Dally asks Edward if he misses Bella, which he growls about. He tells her that Bella is acting jealous because she thinks Edward likes Dally.

Bella is jealous...IRONY!

Then there is a “KNOCK KNOCK!!!” on the door, which Edward quickly uses to his advantage to change the subject. The door slides open to reveal Hiei, from ‘Yu Yu Hakasho’, selling candies to pay for his trip to Hogwarts. Edward then noticed that Hiei is staring Dally for two long and demands that he leaves.

Uh, Author? I think you have Bella’s personality and Edward’s personality switched up here…though they don’t exactly have that much of a personality to switch.

Dally, being the oblivious little twit that she is, doesn’t see that Edward is trying to do and decides to buy some candy. Hiei lets her have the candy for free though, because he thinks she’s cute.

And then Hiei gets thrown off the train and not allowed in to Hogwarts when it turns out he was just a dollar short.

Edward then asks if she likes him and she answers “Of course, he gave me free food! He is very nice.”

Wow…just…just wow. You’re an idiot.

“Suddenly they arrived at Hogwarts and uncame from the train.”

You mean LEAVE the train? And also, what do you mean you SUDDENLY arrived at Hogwarts? Did the castle just jump out of nowhere and in front of the train?

“They were greeted by a big wizard with a long white bear and a pointy hat…”

So you met a fat wizard wearing the hat from the ‘Sorcerer’s Apprentice’ and has a polar bear that you found “long”…I see the OC’s are now getting more and more original.

The wizard, Dumbledore, takes all the new students to the Great Hall. At the Great Hall, we see that Hiei made it off the train. The students sit at the tables where Dally sits next to Hiei and “a black and red hedgehog. ‘My name is Shadow’ said the hedgehog.”

…what? So you are telling me Shadow…from Sonic the FLIPPIN’ Hedgehog…is going to Hogwarts to become a wizard? And seeing this hedgehog, that can talk mind you, doesn’t raise the slightest eyebrow?

Edward then gets angry at Shadow for talking to Dally, Dally then tells him to calm down.

He probably thinks that it’s Jacob in a disguise attempting to snatch his girl again.

And so, Dumbledore tells the kids to calm down and he sorts them into their houses. Edward, Shadow and Hiei all get Slytherin but “[n]ow it was Dally’s turn. ‘DALLY’ called the hat. She was beckoned and so went up. The boys did a drumroll with their feet. ‘RAVENCLAW!’”

Well that was…unexpected…

“Dally’s face fell off.. she could not believe it!”

MY GOD! DALLY IS ACTUALLY FREDDY KRUGER AND THIS IS A CONTINUATION OF “NIGHTMARE AT TWILIGHT”! NoOoOoOoOoOoOoO!!

Dally slumps over to her table, after getting a snazzy blue and gray scarf, where she sees that three of her friends are there! Those friends are Charla, Annie and Meagan. They all say hello and then are dismissed to their home rooms. During this, Hiei gets her attention to tell her something extremely important. “’Listen Dally I want to tell you something’ said Hiei ‘I like you.’ ‘I like you too Hieie’ she said softly. Then he kissed her and their lips met, like fire. ‘Ok ok that’s enough’ said a voice. It was Proffessor Umbrudge the defense against dark arts teacher, ‘Go to your rooms’ ‘I’ll see you tomorrow’ said Hiei and kissed her again ‘I SAID ENOUGH GOD D***IT’ shouted the Proffessor”

“Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx!”Good lord…this thing just made me take a quote from My Immortal…WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, STORY?!?!?

The two depart and the chapter ends with Edward watching angrily. The next chapter begins with Dally sitting in front of the fire place in the common room while sketching Hiei.

…Creepy…

The fire then turned blue and grew yellow eyes. “’hello’ said the fire ‘Mom?’ asked Dally Jut then Mystique came out of the fire she was naked but she didn’t have n*****s.”

Mystique from X-men is Dally’s MOTHER? A number of questions can then be asked. But I will just focus on three. 1. If Mystique is the mother, who is the father? 2. Does that mean that Dally is a MUTANT on top of being a vampire witch? And the most important question of all: 3. WHY THE FUDGE IS SHADOW IN HOGWARTS?!?!?

Mystique then tells Dally that because she is a witch, she can now give Dally her powers. She then handed her an orb, which burnt her hand and made the room change colors. “’AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH’ screamed Della. She was in a lot of pain and sufferage.”

Suffrage (noun) Meaning: The right to vote. Therefore, if you replace the words it should say this: “She was in a lot of pain and the right to vote.”And that makes SO MUCH sense, doesn’t it?

After the pain and gaining the right to vote, Dally opens her eyes and sees that she has a belt with an X on it. “She was now a mutant.”

Well that answers my second question.

Happy that she has these new powers she tests them out to see how well they work by turning herself into something called a “demon chaos chao”. After this, she then texts Hiei-

When did she get his number?

-the phrase “HIEI I AM A CHAO”. He then rushed over to see her and they kissed and “he said it was really cool!!”

Yeah, making out with a girl you just met is flippin’ awesome, ain’t it?

Hiei then asks the fire if he can have powers too.

How does he know the fire gave her powers?

Mystique “showered” that he cannot because he is not her daughter, and the only way that he could possibly get powers would be if he married Dally.

I thought Mystique disappeared…did she?

Then we get little gem of writing: “’You know what this means?’ Hiei said, ‘If we get married I can have the powers’ But suddenly Dally began to think of the other guys in her life. There was Edward… he had Bella but he said something aout liking her on the trolly, and there was shadow, who looked at her like ‘I like you’. She loved Hiai but she liked the others…‘I don’t think so I have cold toes’ said Dally and she ran away crying ‘NO YOU CANT LEAVE ME HERE AT THE ALTAR’ shouted Hiei in upset. ‘HAHAHA’ laughed mystique ‘YOU WILL NEVER F***** GET TE POWEERS’”

…I am beginning to think that this fanfiction isn’t going to be good.

Mystique then disappears along with Hiei (because Slytherins can’t be seen in the Ravenclaw common house) and she began crying to herself.

WHY ARE YOU CRYING? You now have SUPERPOWERS. THIS IS AWESOME.

A blonde boy then approaches her and asks “What’s wrong Dally?”

HOW DO YOU KNOW HER NAME?

The blonde boy is then revealed to be Draco Malfoy who asks “Arf you ok?”

Woofn’t you like to know…wait I thought that Slytherin weren’t allowed in the common hall.

Dally looks up into Draco’s eyes and saw that “he cared, he was ful of compassion like a snake”.

Because as we all know, snakes are known for their kindness and affection.

Draco then offers to walk her to class, which she accepts. They start walking along until “Edwart” confronts them. He asks what he is doing with all these “bois”.

Please note that she STILL doesn’t completely know that he likes her. She is kind of CONFUSED on that one.

Dally then tells him to go away, which he doesn’t instead he tells her that “IT IS DANGEROSU”

IMPOSSIBRU!

And with that type of language, Draco has had enough and fights Edward. A beautifully written battle ensues: “Just then draco pulled out his wand and him and the vampie got into a big fight. But DUmbledumdore came and broke it up”

Eat your heart out, Shakespeare!

“’THAT’S IT’ he shouted ‘You boys will cum have a talk with me in my office’ and they left.”

…ain’t touchin’ that one.

After watching this event, Dally goes off to the Great Hall to be alone. This doesn’t work, however and Shadow joins her. Shadow then asks “What is a pretty girl like you doing all b yourself in the great depression all alone?”

Really? Even Shadow has the hots for this chick? What is she, the daughter of Aphrodite?

Oh wait, no she isn’t. Because we just learned that her mother IS FREAKIN’ MYSTIQUE!

Dally tells him that he was being kind of a jerk with the whole ‘marry-me-so-I-can-get-powers” thing. Dally then cries, while Shadow attempts to comfort her. During this Hiei was “updates punishing walls angerly! ‘WHY DID I HURT HER???’ he aksed himself and then he thaught of a soluble. ‘I will win her back’ he said.”

And so, in conclusion: Engrish iz h@rduh

Meanwhile, Edward and Draco get scolded in Dumbledore’s “house”…on his bed…because “he said they were out of cars.”

Isn’t that like saying that like saying that you can’t clean your room because you don’t own a lawnmower?

Dumbledore attempts to think of a punishment…while wearing a black t-shirt and ripped skinny jeans…and then this ends the chapter: “Suddenly dumbeldore put his hands on bot of their legs and said ‘I can think of something..’ ‘OMG you fa****!’ draco screamed. He tried to run but he couldnot…..”

…Wait so are you saying that the thing Dumbledore said earlier, “You boys will cum have a talk with me in my office”, was FORSHADOWING?!? Plus, I’m pretty sure that a vampire and an eighteen-ish old wizard can evade a thousand year old wizard.

The next chapter begins with Dally having a chat with Shadow in the Great Hall,until a cheetah ran in “warped speed, barreling through chairs and people in a frantic rush of hurry.”

Let’s do the time warp, YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

The cheetah turns out to be Charla, who is actually an “anemograph”.

An anemograph, if you didn’t know, is a machine that records the speed, duration and (depending on the model) direction of the wind. Something tells me that this wasn’t what she meant.

Charla tells the two that something is going on upstairs, and so they all rush upstairs and bust down Dumbledore’s door to see what is happening. What they see when they get there is Edward getting…well…you know. Dally runs at Dumbledore and gives him the old headbutt, which makes him fly back and hit his phoenix.

Wait there’s a phoenix in the room, and you don’t even mention it until he runs into it? You have your priorities very askew in this story.

Continuing on, Dumbledore escapes via magic. This leaves everyone else there in Dumbledore’s room distraught over his escape. The group decides to get Dumbledore fired from Hogwarts, and so they tell Prof. McGonagall. She tells the kids that it will be taken care of. The next week, “a blog was posted aboot it in the bathrooms that said ‘A teacher has ben fired to improper actinic against a students, this teacher is Professes Umbrige’”

Hold the phone! So Professor McGonagall gets the information that two of her students got sexually assaulted by the school’s headmaster, and after learning this information, she fires HERSELF over the incident? WHAT? Did she bring in professionals to help and they didn’t buy her story? Is Dumbledore paying her? Does she think that she actually did those things? WHAT HAPPENED?! Also, a blog in the bathroom?...Is it called ‘The Daily Dump’?

The blog goes on to say that a new professor has been selected: Jack Skellington…oh wait, no it’s Jack Skeleton. Even though that is NOT THE CHARACTER’S NAM-oh never mind. And so with this new information Dally, Shadow, Edward, Hiei and Draco rush over to the new Professor to calmly and respectfully what happened. “’Dumbledore Is gay!’ blarted Edword.”

I can see that quote on coffee mugs all across America. Can’t you?

“’Well students there is nothing wrong with bean gay,’ he said, ‘I am bisexual myself.’”

WHAT ABOUT SALLY? The end of ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ kind of established that he loved HER…or are you saying that Sally is a…

After Professor Skeleton-

SKELLINGTON!

-hears more information about this, he tells everyone to go “to your rooms and sleep for tonight. Until then incest Dumbledore is not here there are no rules…”

There are NO RULES? There is an escaped sexual predator out on the loose in Hogwarts, and you don’t even put out a curfew? WORST. HEADMASTER. EVER.

After they leave, Hiei then makes his moves on Dally. “’I know that you are mad at me but there are no rules and maybe I can make it up to you.’ ‘How would you do that?’ asked Dally. Just then he pushed her against the Ravenclaw satellite and because to kiss her gastricly. She put her tongue in his mouth and felt his teeth. He cut his tongue on her fangs and the blood tripped down his chin… he was turned on by it…”

OW!

Ok, this is where the story gets graphic and I’m going to show you some of the writing without censoring the words (Hence why this is rated T) because of how flippin’ strange the conversation they have during this is. Dally feels something on her, “’Hiei is that your wand?’ she asked. ‘No… that is my penis, Dally…’ he said.”

I just love how blunt he is when he hears that statement.

After being complemented on how large his junk is, Hiei literally tells Dally “I want to have sex with you.”

Didn’t see that comin’, did you?

And so, Dally sneaks Hiei into her bedroom by disguising him as a broom by using her powers, they have sex. And to prevent pregnancy, Dally will change Hiei’s semen to water as soon as it comes out.

SEX DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY! If it enters your body, it will probably make you pregnant or not either way. I don’t think that you will get the chance to change it in time anyways!

Ok, here’s what I meant when I said graphic. Because there is one line in here that I really want to understand but you need some knowledge to know what they are doing. I will still censor a little bit of it, but still. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED: “…he started to t****f*** her. Her b***s were huge so they could wrap them around his weiner like bumblebees.”

“…they could wrap them around his weiner like bumblebees.”…Are bumblebees naturally attracted to Oscar Myers or are they regularly attracted to men’s genitalia? I only ask because during my experiences on this planet Earth, I have never noticed either.

The chapter ends with Edward watching in the background slowly filling with rage. The next chapter begins the next day with Dally and Hiei running out to the Great Hall to find out why there are so many people in the Great Hall. They find out that Bella is there.

Oh lord…

Bella is there to do a school-wide lesson on why “teen parentcy is illegal. “Well it’s a good think we turned that water into wine!” said Hiei winking at her, and then they took seats in the front.”

Ok, first off: IRONY! Second of all, Hiei just compare what they did in the sack to something Jesus did in the Bible?...Just…no…

During this little lesson, Professor Snape stares at Bella thinking that it was Harry Potter’s mom. In this mind-set, he knocks out Bella after the lesson in the “backyard” and speeds off with her in his back seat.

Is he going to do what I think he’s about to do…with the reason what I think it is?

Edward, finding out about this, pulls together the group to tell them the Bella needs to be saved. “’I think that Link should do it,’ asked Hiei.”

That isn’t a question, first of all. Secondly…LINK…you can’t possibly…it isn’t possible…

“Just then a blonde boy with a green hand and leggings came upon a gryphon. He was wearing a sword and he had pointy ears. He swirled his weeping and slammed it into the ground with his foot. ‘LETS KICK SOME A** HE SAID!’”

…THEY ARE…

Then they immediately find them. Snape “f****** the s***” out of Bella, however, Bella is blind because when Snape knocked her out her had “punctured her eyes.”

And he is doing all of this, just because he thinks Bella is Harry’s dead mother...weird…

Seeing this, Edward at first runs away then after becoming angry he kills both Snape and Bella. He kills both in very strange ways that I’m not going to go into mainly because I want this to end. As soon as the double homicide is complete, Professor Skellington (finally spelled correctly I might add) sees what happened. Rather than taking Edward away to Askaban for MURDERING TWO PEOPLE, he makes Edward Prof. Snape’s replacement.

I said it once, and I’ll say it again: WORST. HEADMASTER. EVER.

After this, Dally then goes over who is in the team to kill Dumbledore: “’…We have Edward, Me, Hiei, Link,Shadow the Hedgemouse, Jack Sellingtons, Me, and who else??’ ‘I think that we should get Sasuke,’ said Link, “He is is in Griffindoos, but if we tell him Dumbledore is a pedofile he will probably want to kill him two.’”

And now Sauske from Naruto has been written in just for kicks…just wonderful.

The group goes to find Sauske, only to see that he has just got done having sex with Hiei!

DUHN DUHN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!

Actually, it might be that Sauske was just studying, but they don’t explain much on it, so I won’t either. And so the chapter ends with the new team running off into the wilderness to kill Dumbledore.

I can’t take much more of this…and I’m not even a FOURTH OF THE WAY THROUGH…oy…Next time, I will be looking a bit further into this madness where we see that the strange that we have faced so far is NOTHING compared to what’s about to come.

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