Nightmare at Twilight by charmed-star11

One, two, Freddy's comin' for you... three, four, Better lock your doors... five, six, Grab your wooden stick... seven, eight, Freddy's vampire bait... nine, ten, NEVER READ AGAIN!

WARNING: I do not own the following products: Twilight and A Nightmare on Elm Street. They belong to their respective owners. I also do not own the following fanfiction as well, it is owned by its own author at fanfiction.net. Also, during this story there are some gory and disturbing actions in here, so viewer discretion is advised.

 

Fanfic #7: Nightmare at Twilight by charmed-star11

 

If you have not noticed, the final movie in the Twilight saga has been released into theaters. Fans rejoice with tears with its leaving. People who hate it rejoice with laughter with its leaving. Which section am I? I have never watched any Twilight movie, nor have I read any of the books. I have only seen clips and read snippets of it. And so I am neutral on this fact. That is except for one itsy bitsy thing: BELLA IS AN ANNOYING AND WHINY LITTLE BRAT. She has single handedly started wars, fell in love with a vampire just for the sake of him being a vampire and then shuns the rest of humanity because we are ‘normal’, and then after she gets the vampire to marry her, SHE LEAVES HIM. But you know, other than that. The story of Twilight is essentially a girl falls in love with a vampire, then a werewolf, then back to the vampire where they get married. They have a baby that is an abomination, apparently and people want the little girl dead. They fail. The End.

 

The question now arises, what story would be a good crossover with this series? How about the infamous slasher, Freddy Kruger? Freddy Kruger, is a demon serial killer who kills people in their dreams. His shtick is that he survives as long as he is remembered. He is considered to be one of the infamous slashers, up there with Jason Vorhees. Heck he even battled Vorhees! Really, look it up. Ok, ok. No dilly dallying, let’s get to  it.

 

The story begins, not with the actual plot, but with the description! That apparently takes the point of view from somebody named or has a name beginning with the letter “B”. During this conversation “B” talks about how everybody has heard the horrors that “market” out legends and myths, and in these said stories there are heartless creatures who are indestructible.

Well CLEARLY, this person has never heard the myth of Paul Bunyan. There aren’t any heartless creatures in it...unless you count the giant blue bull that Paul keeps as a pet.

It continues on to say that these myths and legends are all rooted in fact and “I am lucky enough to know the good myths, but now I’ve encountered the one myth and legend that doesn’t like me.”

Yeah, Mother Goose is not exactly a people person.

With that, the prologue thing ends and we TRULY begin in Forks, Washington. More specifically, it begins with Edward picking up Bella from her house to take her to school. Everyone is apparently abuzz with a new girl coming to town. This new person’s name is Janette Mortier. During the car ride Edward attempts to talk to Bella, but she is lost in her thoughts thinking about the new girl.

Ok, am I the only one who thinks that everyone’s apparent obsession with there being a new girl is kind of creepy? I mean they literally track her down just so they know her name, and now the only thing that Bella can think of right now is who this new person is? Does she think that the two of them will immediately become friends as soon as they meet? What if they don’t? What if this Janette turns out to be a HUGE jerk? Then again, I should really question why I’m making a large deal out of this whole thing.

Edward awakens her from her trance to tell her that they made it to the school. Edward asks what had her all caught up in her thoughts. She answers “The new girl, actually, because I'm thinking of if she'll be like me, Angela, or the "cool- crowd." He nodded and led me to our Mythology course.”

The “-cool-“ crowd? Are you talking about the “preps” Ebony was talking about in My Immortal? I only ask because if you are even going to act INKLING like anything from My Immortal, I will personally come through the pages and BEAT YOU.

Anyways, Edward kisses Bella on their engagement ring-

Wait, they are already engaged? DURING HIGH SCHOOL? That’s…just…ugh…

-and they head off to class. During their first period class they finally meet the girl that they have been talking about, Miss Mortier. Miss Mortier is “a girl with long black hair, tanned skin that looked as if it hadn't seen the sun in awhile, Gothic clothing and guarded green eyes.”

A couple of things: 1. How can someone be pale, yet tanned? Isn’t that a bit of an oxymoron? 2. How can you tell she has “guarded” eyes? 3. Remember what I said about not remembering My Immortal?...I’m going to give you one more chance to redeem yourself. One. Just never, ever, ever remind me of that HORRIBLE fanfiction again, and I’ll allow you the benefit of the doubt.

The girl then introduces herself to the class. “Hey, I'm Jane or Janie, I'm from Springwood, Ohio and I live with my older brother here.”

Wait, that’s it? This one chick that never appeared in any Nightmare movie is going to be the reason Freddy comes here?! Oh, and I checked. I asked internet reviewer and ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’ fan, the Blockbuster Buster, if there was any goth girl named Janie or Janette or Jane in any Nightmare movie and he simply replied “no”. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against OC’s (original characters), it’s just that she doesn’t really do anything during the whole story except bring Freddy to Forks and then later just bursts in and “saves the day” even though she does NOTHING. Don’t believe me? You just wait.

Edward immediately senses danger on the girl and has “walls” blocking most of her memories. The class then takes notes but, Edward just can’t concentrate due to the girl being so hard to read. Bella notices this and tells Edward to calm down. “You need to relax or the teacher will notice Edward. Think of the night I accepted your engagement.”

Edward then had a panic attack.

Edward then calmed down and Bella kissed his neck as they continued to write down notes.

That’s an odd place to kiss him…especially during class when you are supposed to be taking notes.

The class ended and they continued throughout their day until lunch came ‘round where they meet up with Esme. Edward tensed up when he saw Jane again, who decides to sit with them. During this time, Bella finally introduces herself and her hubby to Jane. The group, now included with Alice, talk to each other about school things when they get sent off to their next class, Calculus.

What they are going to do in there?

After that class they went to their next class, Anatomy I.

Well apparently, nothing important. That was pointless.

During Anatomy I, it is announced that they are getting a new seating chart by their substitute teacher, who gets no name. “’Mr. Jackson isn't here today but you are still are doing your lab on the reproductive system. I was given the option of letting you choose your partners or I decide them and he said to choose them for you. So, here we go.’ I groaned…of course I wouldn't get Edward for a partner. ‘I'm going in reverse alphabet so Bailey and Wilson, you're together.’ Oh, well, I might actually end up with him. Next was Connor and Vanzetti so it was Cullen and…‘Cullen and Swan, you're together.’ Yes!”

DURING THE HEARTPOUNDING ACTION OF FREDDY KRUGER FIGHTING EDWARD CULLEN, WATCH OTHER SUSPENCEFUL SCENES THAT INCLUDE: SEATING ARANGEMENTS!!!

And so, they get their specimen they get to dissect, when Bella starts to get a weak stomach when…well…”’You do realize that we have to possibly run into the preserved fetus' right?’ I looked down at the lab and saw that one group would get the filled pig. I cringed and then shook my head. ‘Please?’ ‘I get it.’ He went up and grabbed one near the end. He lifted, in appearance of examining it and I saw him sniff it subtly. He put it down then grabbed one from the middle, following the same procedure. He smiled at this one and brought it back to me. ‘No, babies?’ ‘No babies, the one with smells like multiple animals grouped together where the other ones smell like a single animal.’”

Wait…did Edward…just SMELL a dead pig and figured out just by the scent whether or not there were “babies” in it? Do vampires have a special baby smelling power that I’ve never known about?

And so after some foreshadowing of how “weird” things are going to get, like two teenagers being found brutally murdered in Seattle, the chapter ends with the two going home. The next chapter begins with other vampires investigating the attack to see if it could have been a rogue vampire. After further investigation, they come to the conclusion that only a human could have committed the crime because it was simply too brutal.

Really? Too brutal? Oy…I’m beginning to think this might be extremely dumb.

Then you have this rant made by a vampire about how evil humanity is. “I'm forever astounded by the extremes of humanity. Once you're a vampire, you tend to become one of two people and then that's that. Being a human, you have people like Bella who are completely selfless and caring then you have this.”

Bella is selfless? This chick thinks that she is ‘tortured’ in the books when really she has no problems, she gets a crush on a boy and then immediately becomes engaged when she is STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL, she even puts her life in danger JUST SO THAT EDWARD NOTICES HER, and after she gets the both to agree to marry her she then goes to Jacob because she is ‘torn’. Yeah, no. I call bull.

 The meeting ends and then Edward and Bella watch Hamlet together after Edward attempts to get some and during the movie she goes to sleep. During this chatting we learn that the Hamlet movie has David Tennant as one of the actors.

To Allons-y or not to Allons-y, that is the question.

When she sleeps, we finally get the villain we have been waiting for throughout the story so far. And it is in a genuinely creepy dream sequence too!

Granted this may be because it mimics the first movie, but with what I’ve read so far; I do not care.

Bella opens her eyes to see that she is in the school’s boiler room. She walks out to see the three jump-roping little girls sing Freddy’s song as they slowly but surely decompose. She tries to run away, but then…”I screamed as a maniacal laugh sounded behind, sounding like the devil himself. There were deep, black eyes illuminated behind me, the whites charred and bloody; the epitome of pure evil.”

Is it just me or does this sound like that quote from Halloween? You know, where Dr. Loomis talks about Michael having the ‘devil’s eyes’ and that he in his eyes he could tell that he ‘was surely and simply evil’?

Anyways, Bella wakes up screaming, Edward rushing to her side. She tells him what happened and then as the chapter ends Bella asks Edward a…really weird question. “Edward, tonight, will you merge with me?”

…Uh…what do you mean “merge”? You don’t mean sex; after all earlier in the chapter you already dismissed that. So what do you mean?

The next chapter begins with Bella telling us that there was no other nightmare for the rest of the week or even the weekend. Due to this, they just push the weird nightmare as that; a weird nightmare. Meanwhile, we learn that Jane is seems to not be getting much sleep and then after some pointless chit-chat Jane get’s invited to a little Cullen party.  While waiting for Edward to get to the party though, Bella drifts off to sleep where we get our next Freddy dream. It begins with Bella just waking up in the room that she just fell asleep in with no one else in it and doesn’t know she’s asleep. Until the TV flickered on to show the jump-roping little girls singing the same song in a playground. Bella runs down the stairs but when she got to where the kitchen was, it turned out to be the boiler room. And in this room the man with the hand makes his first ACTUAL appearance. This time he is singing along with the little girls, and I won’t lie; this is really good. Just look at this quote: “A shadow walked towards me, a hat on his head and as he passed a red light, I could see a green and red striped sweater that was torn, dirty, and had burn holes. I saw that his right hand was covered with a leather glove that had long knife-like nails coming off the ends. I backed up as he approached, that annoying rhyme not stopping. ‘Five, six, get your crucifix…’ ‘Get away from me!’ He laughed at me, slowly getting closer so I could see decaying and burnt flesh covering his neck and showing at the ends of his sleeves. ‘Seven, eight, you're gonna stay up late…’ His voice was low, it rumbled and scratched against my nerves. My back hit a wall and I turned to see I was surrounded by pipes. ‘Nine, ten, never sleep again!’ His face was as horrible as anything I've ever seen. He laughed at me, backed into a corner with nowhere to go. ‘Come on Bella, I just want to play.’”

Is it bad to say that I’m rooting for Freddy? You probably already guessed that from what I’ve said about Bella, but I just wanna see her get her comeuppance for everything she has done!

Freddy then begins to banter with Bella for a short bit, but then after he scratches her arms with his gloves, she wakes up. Not due to the scratch though, from what I can tell Edward woke her up by just shaking her until she did wake up.

I’m pretty sure Freddy’s dreams are a tad more powerful than that. I mean during one dream he makes the body on the outside world float and slam against the ceiling.

Edward tells her about her dream with the strange burnt man, when immediately Edward recognizes who he is. And then he explains who Freddy Kruger is while he tends to her wounds in the bathroom in a really boring manner. “In the seventies, there was this man who was a pedophile.”

WOW. That’s how you start off this explanation of who he is? Just…just wow. Way to make Freddy Kruger less scary in the FIRST SENTENCE.

“The police couldn't catch because there was no evidence and so the townspeople herded him into the place where he took the children, an old boiler room in the bottom of a factory. They trapped him in there and burned him.”

And now you make his back story seem boring. HOW DO YOU DO THAT?!?

“He laughed at them through one of the windows because he said he would never die, he would haunt their dreams for the rest of their lives and get his revenge on them. Every few years since then, there have been mass murders of teenagers and some adults, with only one or two survivors who end up in asylums because of the trauma they suffer. They always say that it was Freddy Krueger, though no one believes them and those that did believe them end up dead.”

And I know these random little facts because…well…Google.

Actually, that little thing about Google may actually be right.

What?

Edward then starts spouting out random statistics about Freddy and then he says “We'll have to research a way to hurt him.” And as soon as he says that, Jasper bursts in and says how to kill him. I’m not joking, look: “’Jasper, what do we have to do to stop him?’ ‘You have to fall asleep and hold him tight then when you wake up, he'll follow you in this world.’”

Behold Freddy Kruger’s TRUE rival: THE ALL-POWERFUL INTERWEBS!!!!

In the middle of this chat, Jane just bursts in and tells them everything she knows about Freddy and that her boyfriend was killed by Freddy during the massacre.

Yeah, I ain’t exactly sorry for you mainly because this just comes completely out of nowhere. Just talk of Freddy then BOOM, Jane comes in with her boyfriend’s story. And, once again, this is SERIOUSLY POINTLESS. Are you sensing a pattern here?

And then she says that her brother just died last night.

I reiterate: THIS DEATH IS COMPLETELY POINLTESS!!!

And the chapter ends as we see what keeps Jane from falling asleep: a machined attached to her body that shocks her whenever she gets tired.

…Where does one buy this? I don’t see this flying off the shelves of Home Depot.

The next chapter begins with Bella watching Jane plugged into a heart monitor as she sleeps. The reason Jane is doing this is because in the previous chapter, Edward wouldn’t let Bella do it. During this time, Alice takes Bella by the store to get energy drinks.

Oh no, no, no, no, no! If those energy shot commercials are correct, then those energy drinks are just going to make it WORSE.

And after Bella challenges Emmett to a dance-off while on her sugar high-

Your friend is taking on a dream demon that has killed hundreds of people before, and rather than being by her bedside, you have a dance-off. Yes, clearly she is the most “selfless” human in existence, isn’t she?

-she then hits the caffeine crash and collapses on the ground asleep, ending the chapter.

Told you.

The next chapter begins with Bella awakening in the dream world on the Cullen’s house. Bella doesn’t know this, yet (even though she passed out) and starts looking for Jane. “I ran up the stairs, tripping a couple times, to the room she was in. I saw the monitors and nearly gagged on the smell of bleach. So, she had gotten hurt…”

*Insert “You Don’t Say” meme here*

Bella then here’s Edward downstairs and sighs of relief. She goes downstairs and I finally get that comeuppance I have been waiting for: “’I'm up here Edward, I'm fine. I came to see where everyone ran off to…’ I stopped at the top. Edward had his arm around Tonya. He was gazing at her in adoration and I felt my heart quickly start cracking. ‘Hi Tonya, I didn't know you were coming down.’ ‘Ah, Bella, I was looking for you to tell you our affair is over. Snuggles and I were able to settle our differences and realize that we were wrong to separate.’…my heart broke watching them kiss…”

Too bad it doesn’t last for long.

Bella immediately sees through Freddy’s façade revealing that the Edward in her dream was actually Freddy!

BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUUUUU-yeah you saw that coming from a mile away, didn’t you?

There is then a throwaway line that Freddy “defiled” a chick named Angela, but because that is never mentioned again, I won’t either. Anyways, Freddy goes in for the kill, but Bella dodges and a chase ensues with Freddy singing a revised version of his song. Once again, this scene is really good. It has the Edward mask slowly get torn apart, and all the tension boils to a climax that…well…”’Seven, eight we're going to stay up real late…’ His body was back to normal, charred and decaying flesh with burned, old clothing; those knives tapping against the pipes. ‘No, you're just a dream!’ ‘I'm your biggest nightmare….nine, ten never sleep again!’ He raised his arm in a final blow but a blur ran across my vision and intercepted the hit. Edward was livid, his eyes black but I couldn't be more relieved that he was here. ‘You're right, except I'm your biggest nightmare.”

Yeah, it was BOUND to happen. Edward just magically appearing in Bella’s dream without Freddy even NOTICING. But then apparently they are doing this all via the power of love. And it is as dumb as it sounds.

Freddy then attempts a mind-game with Bella telling her this: “Of course, you're in love. I find though that all he really wants is your body, use it for his own purposes and then go for his blond friend, Tonya, I believe her name was.”

Actually Freddy, you have it mixed up. You see, Bella wants Edward’s body. Not vise versa.

Then Bella spouts some sappy ‘True Love Holds Us Together’ dialogue at Freddy with Freddy’s dream flickering in and out with the lovely meadow Edward and Bella have spent time in, which is immediately followed by Freddy just trying to attack Edward. Now because Edward’s a vampire, this doesn’t exactly work like it used to. This gets Freddy’s attention, so after trapping the two in a box full of water Freddy attempts to bargain with Bella which goes about as well as you’d expect. Then Edward saves Bella and after running into the meadow of their love-

Once again, I am not making this up.

-he rips off his shirt to treat a wound on her ankle.

Now don’t you go on ripping off Jacob’s trademark…speaking of Mr. Fluffy-Whiskers, where is he? He is never even mentioned in this story; does no one else find this strange?

Now, Freddy’s had enough. He sets the edges of the meadow on fire. Freddy tries to slash at Edward but it doesn’t work, then Edward then spouting out his own threat: “I'm your worst nightmare. I'm the creature that lies in the dark, the blur in the corner of your eye, the hungry in the night with eyes that are as black as hell. I'm a vampire Freddy Kruger and you're my next victim.”

Please! Freddy took on a larger than life zombie into the dream-world and WON…technically…though in the final round he lost but didn’t-it’s very confusing. The point is, he’s seen worse.

 Freddy then retorts by saying: “You might be indestructible, but your little plaything isn't.” Vines with thorns then shoot up from the ground and wrap themselves around Bella. Edward attempts to save her, but more vines attack him at the same time. And the chapter ends with Edward watching as Freddy is now next to Bella’s paralyzed body while Freddy says “Look Bella, at Edward. He's trying to get to you and as soon as he does, you're mine.”

Wow. How are they going to get out of this one? And who wants to bet that it will be completely un-climactic?

The final chapter begins as Freddy…uh…begins caressing her. And the knives…slice through her…clothes…

This is why you don’t rate a ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’ fanfiction T!

Freddy then actually comes up with a surprisingly well thought-out plan. He plans on killing Bella in front of his eyes unless Edward explains how Freddy could kill him. There was one flaw in Freddy’s plan though. The power of CONFUSION! “’He doesn't have to choose Freddy, I already did.’ Jane appeared out of the fire and ran at him. The demon backed away from me enough that Edward shot by, ripping the vines form my body, and behind me. I dropped to the ground as my ankle and leg gave out; I wrapped my arms around myself in protection.”

And so Jane saves the day…by just yelling…See what I meant about her saving the day by doing nothing?

And so Freddy is then impaled on Edward’s fist and gets killed in the dream-world. Bella and the rest wake up to see Freddy already tied up to a chair. It is then where Alice, Carlisle and Jasper reveal their plan for getting rid of Freddy forever. They plan on locking him away in Antarctica until everyone forgets who he is, then they will kill him.

And so, in other words: “When your memory is ashes, you have my permission to die.”

The story then ends after a lackluster final fright which gets stopped as soon as it begins, June apologizes for no reason and Bella sleeps in Edward’s arms.

 

Final thoughts: I don’t know if it is extreme bias (even though I have never seen a Twilight movie in my life) but this story is just plain stupid and bad. Where do I even begin?! Bella is the one-dimensional whiny little girl that I heard she would be, the twists aren’t exactly twists, and to top it all off the 90% of this is BOOOORRRRIIIINNNNGG. To give “Passages in Time” some credit, at least there were some ridiculous things to even it out! The only good things in here were the first couple of Freddy scenes, but when you have main characters as boring as wheat toast on a rice cake, it isn’t going to matter. At least “Malibu Keys” had memorable characters, sure Sora and Roxas’s personalities were chucked out the window, but at least I remember them. If you came to see Freddy take on someone with an equal amount of brains (like I was), it ain’t here. If you came to see Freddy kill these two people, it ain’t here. If you want to see that, there is a fanfiction called “Guess Who’s Back” by Peggy Pegs that will give you what you want. However, if you came for a twilight book that expands their ‘love’ beyond the power of evil, this is what you want. Otherwise, I suggest that you steer clear.

 

Tips for the writer(s):

1.      Make memorable characters. With Freddy, you were fine. But for the others…no. I didn’t even remember your OC, I didn’t remember! And when you have an OC, you can expand on a character that you created! This new character exists in the story now; give that person a part in the story while giving them depth. It’s how you get the reader invested in your character to the point that you want them to survive whatever is thrown at them.

2.      DO SOMETHING!!! During most of the scenes in-between dream sections, nothing interesting happens. People talk about things that aren’t essential to the plot and don’t add character. During these scenes something interesting should happen! It doesn’t mean you should just have constant action scenes, but what it needs is something that keeps the reader coming back. A hook, if you will.

3.      “Character Clash” is everything. For any book, film, comic, story, etc. that has a villain and a hero fight one on one, I tend to think that the meat of this type of story is the “Character Clash”, a combat of two opposing sides who won’t back down for anything. I know the proper term is “conflict”, but this is just what I like to call it. For example, in the movie ‘Scream’ the thing that made it scary was the way the villain played off the main character. Ghostface attempts to kill Sydney and there was no way anyone was going to stop this. Sydney was also not going to back down, even at her lowest of lows. In this story, you have Freddy being the villain who never backs down, wanting revenge. While Bella is constantly depending on Edward to be there, never once in the dream-world fighting on her own. And basically the conflict falls down to Freddy and Edward. This is the main reason that shows why this type of crossover could never work. To have a nightmare-demon fight a vampire sounds awesome, right! But to have that vampire be the same one that vows not to kill a human because “that’s mean” makes him too much of a goody-two-shoes letting us know that he’s gonna win, especially when we see it from his girlfriend’s POV.

 

So that was the “battle” of the ages. Next time, I will be looking at my first actual request that I received on twitter! And it is SO bad, SO horrendous that it got taken off of fanfiction…there is one other fanfiction that has done that, and it is what I consider to be the worst thing ever written, My Immortal. So when I say that I am scared for this next one, you know it’s genuine. Next time: it’s time for me to FACE THE STRANGE!!! See you then!

Author's Note

Please tell me what to review next! I LOVE YOUR INPUT, so please tell me what you want to see me review next, or tell me if you have a problem. I'm all ears!