Zombies'n'S**t Ep. 59

Trials and Turbulence

By the next day, everyone was gathered in front of me.  The rain had died to a mild drip and the sun was just beginning to light the sky.  Sophia stood apart from us, watching carefully as we stood facing her.  There was a definite, almost tangible sense of expectation and anxiousness.  I shifted from one foot to the other repeatedly, trying to remain still and failing miserably.

"How long does it take the damn sun to rise anyway?"  My impatience was not mirrored by anyone else.  Carl slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand and Kat and Sophia both rolled their eyes.  Despite the mild frustration they felt with me, I could tell they were all just as nervous as I was.  Being the only one to voice it was what made me special.  Well, more irritating perhaps.

What can I say, I wear my emotions on my sleeve.

The golden rays of the sun cast the clouds above into a strange prominence.  The water droplets falling glittered and formed a vague rainbow.  I looked around at everyone, meeting only Sophia's.  She nodded her head once in encouragement, but her lips were pressed in a tight line.  Her body was prepped to flee if- when I attacked.

I swallowed thickly, trying not to feel the sharp fear coursing through me.

Now hang on.

This time, the fear I felt was clear, distinct.  It's kinda hard to explain, but it was like being dunked in cold water suddenly, then pulled out.  Brief cloud cover makes the temperature of your body drop as the once warm breeze cuts through you savagely.  That is the closest thing I can compare it to, sorry.

Still have no idea where these damn comparisons keep coming from, but there they are, slippery little devils.  I smiled a little.  So, this is human fear?  I guess sometimes even the undead could feel.  I looked up and looked into the brown eyes of the Normie who sparked this whole thing.

She gave me a sweet smile, a loose strand of hair falling in her face as she did.  Again I felt the impulse to brush it away.  I looked down at my hands instead.  The rotten appendages were scabbed, brown and ugly.  The nails were jagged and far too long.  I guess being in a coma for a while meant they grew out.  Especially with an apocalypse keeping nurses from trimming them.

I sighed and looked back at Sophia.  Her smile faltered and I looked at Kat and Carl in turn.  My voice had a strained quality to it, even as it broke, "Did you know I was in a coma?"  Kat's eyes flew wide open in shock, Carl sputtered and Sophia inhaled sharply.

I gave them all a crooked smile and turned my back to them, "It didn't happen this time.  I still remember.  In fact, now I remember more."  Sophia spoke first, hedging, "He's right, the sun had barely risen when he attacked me.  He must have forgotten me sometime before then."  Kat murmured, "John, you remember more?  You remember before you...."

I nodded, keeping my face turned away, not wanting to let them see my face.  "Yeah.  I remember waking in a hospital once.  It's all foggy, but I remember seeing the equipment around me.  That damn incessant beeping invade my mind the entire time."  I shuddered, "Then I flat-lined.  Somehow I heard that.  It went on for an eternity, it seemed.  I guess that was my mind hearing it right before I completely died.  Then I woke in that morgue."

Silence stretched long after I'd finished speaking.  Rain pattered relentlessly outside, providing a melancholy beat to those gathered behind me.  I stared at the clouds above and remained motionless.

A hand rested on my shoulder and gently turned me to face the owner.  Carl looked at me, "Dude.  I-"  He cleared his throat and tried again, "I'm sorry."  I tried to shrug it off, but could only stare at him.  Words dissolved on my tongue before they could be given strength.  Kat stepped up beside Carl and put a hand on my arm comfortingly but remained quiet.  Sophia joined us, her arms wrapped around my chest and she rested her head on my back.

How did dying feel, you might ask.  Well, for each person, I suspect it is as varied as the people themselves.  For me, it was like slipping into a cold, deep void.  Fire burned my veins where they pumped drugs into my system, but soon even that faded.  I was left in that cold void, alone and weary.

It wasn't unpleasant, that cold, on the contrary, it was comforting.  Blind and surrounded by absolute silence I had drifted.  There was no sense of self, only that cold silence.  How did dying feel?  Well, it felt good.  I felt relaxed like never before.  An afterlife?  Did I meet God?

No.

I was alone, weren't you listening?  Who knows, maybe God does exist, but what I experienced was nothing to do with what people have talked about.  And who would?  People avoided death as a subject, but no matter how hard they tried, they could not ever deny, it was a part of life.  I died at a young-ish age.  I died with no name, no family, no friends and no memory.  Hell I wasn't even fully conscious for it.

Yet here I was, being comforted by the family and friends I had now.  Death certainly brought things into focus.  Now, those of us who "lived" on faced our new hell.  Perhaps we deserved it.  Perhaps we all didn't earn or buy our way into heaven.  Maybe I didn't convert enough people, condemn enough people, help enough people.  What if I didn't help those in need, what if I wasn't good enough?

Well, I'm here now.

I wrapped all three of them in my arms and hugged them all with possessive ferocity.

I'm here now.

Author's Note

Well, I guess this is it. This is the path we shall take. No idea if I made the right choice, but hell. I gave this way more thought than anything else. At least the direction, if not the exact content. Kinda went nuts with the death stuff, but I think that is important for us to face certain truths every now and again. This jumbled mess of ideas and feelings is chaotic, I know, but when is death simple? Even a peaceful death will mess people up inside. I'm still not sure taking on more serious content is the right thing to do, but then I remember:

THIS IS PRACTICE FOR ACTUALLY BECOMING A DECENT WRITER, DUMBASS!

And that's that.