Soup: A Sweet Story of Revenge

A rather embellished recount of semi-factual events circa 2006.

Part I

It sat there. In the sink. Taunting her. It had been there now for a week. Waves of spite continuously emanated from it. She had even went to the trouble of doing all the dishes sitting around it; making it easily accessible. And lonely. Oh so lonely. With only it's crusty goop covering it and keeping it company. It secretly longed to join all the other dishes in a playful bubble bath.

She refused it that one pleasure. Refused to take on someone else’s responsibility yet again and give it peace once more. It was almost an experiment- seeing how long it would take her roommate to finally concede and let it rest in blissful clean harmony with the other dishes. She was almost convinced the human race would be extinct and the world long gone before it ever reached any normal level of cleanliness. Of course that meant it would never get done.

The really amazing and mind-boggling thing was this: when it had first arrived in the Magical Land of Sink, it had arrived with it's uneaten contents strewn messily around it. Since then it appeared that some Invisible Force had come down from the heavens and made those contents vanish. But why would that Invisible Force, so great, so mighty, leave behind the easiest part to eliminate and clean?

Thus, she had come to the conclusion that this Force was spiting her. Taunting her. Trying to get her will to break and con her into giving in. Well, she was having none of that. "F**k you Invisible Force", she thought to herself. "It won't be eliminated by my hand."
After making that decision she made another rather lovely one and went upstairs to give herself a nice, warm, bubble bath.


Part II

It awoke. The soup bowl had finally had enough of it's disgusting condition, and incidentally, enough bacteria forming on it, that it came to life.
It was outraged. Nothing, inanimate or not, should ever be treated this way. And now that it was animate, it would find the... human. The one that did this. And it would exact revenge. Revenge!


Part III

She had just come home from work at the tea store and was entirely exhausted. Her roommate was upstairs fiddling around in the bathroom. Per her normal habits she went and flopped on the couch, grabbed the laptop in a hungry fashion, and signed onto her Myspace account.

She was reading a message from some creepy guy about how she makes a sexy zombie when she heard a scrapping on the counter behind her. She promptly ignored it, contributing it to the cats. If she had in fact been paying any attention at all, she would have noticed that the cats were sitting on the carpet in front of her, staring wide-eyed at the counter behind her. But no, she was now enthralled by someones flashing Mario icon.

The soup bowl crept slowly towards her. Actually, it was more or less the bacteria inching the bowl slowly towards her. It took awhile ( approximately two minutes. In that time some other creepy guy had messaged her telling her she'd make a sexy lampshade and to call him if she was interested) but the bowl was within striking distance.

"Ah hem", it politely coughed.

No response.

"Er, ah hem? Excuse me". it tried again.

Still nothing.

"EXCUSE ME YOU DISGUSTING EVIL WENCH!", it shouted in the loudest voice it could muster.
Nope. Nothing. She was still oblivious. The cats however were by now extremely petrified and were hiding behind the television. One of them bravely poked it's head out, whimpered at the horrible sight of the bowl, and continued to cower, while she continued to read messages. Her roommate was still upstairs, now wondering what kind of crappy movie she was watching that used such terminology as "wench".

The bowl and it's symbiotic bacteria friends was by now entirely fed up. It had originally planned this whole vengeance speech and was only going to mildly torture the girl but now she had gone too far. Not one to be ignored, it took action.

The bacteria swarming around it flew off it's ceramic surface and latched onto her face. She didn't even have time to scream before it had infiltrated her nostrils, eyes and mouth, spreading it's bacterial goodness. She convulsed for a little while, eyes turning red with blood. She then let out a little hiccup before collapsing and proceeded to exhale her last breath.

Satisfied that it's revenge had been exacted to the fullest possible extent of revenge exacting, the soup bowl scuttled it's way back into the kitchen. Then it decided to join all it's friends in a machine filled with bubbly fun.

The water and bubbles caressed it's curves , gently removing the bacteria and sludge. For a moment it realized true happiness before returning once more to it's inanimate state of non-existence.


Part IV

"How rejuvenating", she thought to herself. "That was just what I needed."

She threw on pajamas of the non-sexy sort complete with lawn gnome pattern and wandered downstairs. She grabbed some soy milk out of the fridge and was just reaching for a glass when she noticed something entirely spectacular. The bowl! It was gone! Excitedly she glanced down at the dishwasher and was even more amazed. It was running!

Next she ran into the living room. Amazing! Another surprise! Her roommate finally had decided to dress up like a zombie for a photo shoot! Her roommate came over and gave her a squishy, bloody hug. Then she proceeded to gnaw on her arm.

Kat and Kris lived happily ever after, as zombies, infesting all of Coral Springs.


The moral of this story is simple: Myspace is way too addictive and if you are lazy and don't wash your dishes they will attack you in your weakest state.   

Reviews

[Crow]

Wonderfully entertaining, I love the personification of the inanimate character in this story.

You had me from the first paragraph through to the end laughing most of the way.

Excellent story!

[Wolfwind Words]

Pausing while I try to breath...laughing. :).... Ok..
This was fantastic! The weave of fantastical with reality was done with ease, creativity and carried a plot line that I couldn't let go of. You have a gift!

Amazing Ink!
Wolfie

[nostal]

LOL

[kewlbluetiger]

I'm going to do my dishes now!

Actually- I found this funny and incredibly witty, but you have to understand I have a WEIRD sense of humor. Symbiotic bacteria rocks, especially on vindictive noodles? YES!

This story has a flow that is really- really- unapologetic and forthcoming in its bold style and it's art to me honestly. It was like reading a comedic skit.

Great work. I'm a fan.
KewlBlueTiger