A Moped Proposal

Swift-esque solution to a**hole drivers.

I submit a proposal that all “important drivers for whom the roads were apparently built” be issued mandatory mo-peds by the Department of Transportation.  This measure is to allow the rest of us “for whom the roads are obviously taxed” (hereafter “Vics”) to properly and appropriately identify said important drivers (hereafter “Dics”), and accordingly voluntarily remove our vehicles from obstructing their obviously more important path (hereafter “The Way”).   An addendum to this proposal would also suggest a provision that would allow said Dics to operate their vehicles in an exclusive lane (hereafter “Sidewalks”) so as to prevent Vics from occupying lanes for which they are unworthy and furthermore prevent confusion as to which lanes belong to which drivers. This should alleviate enumerable traffic problems including a reduction in interstate highway collisions and congestion at major interchanges.  

Also, I would add that each mo-ped bear the flag of the Dics high above the vehicle to help Vics identify The Way, determine the proper location of the Sidewalk and avoid trespassing.  Said flag will be made of reflective nylon (much like that of construction vests) and of neon pink color with bright purple and green flares, all of which glow in the dark so as to increase both daylight and twilight visibility.

 

 

No longer will Vics feel threatened by the overwhelming power wielded by Dics on the road! There will be no bottlenecking! No longer will drivers cut off other drivers disrespectfully in fear of missing exits or catching congestion! If we Vics can learn to follow these simple guidelines, the Dics will no longer fear our ignorance of their noteriety and will be able to travel as fast and recklessly as desired to flaunt their inherent superiority through use of their Sidewalks.  We will finally have a mass transit system that will allow people the freedom of driving without fear of road rage, but with the acknowledgement and understanding that most of us are unworthy of the roads on which we drive and should just be run off anyway…