Chapter One: Going Out

A Chapter by vxmp

Olivia goes out to a party after her mother drinks herself to sleep. Olivia then finds herself hanging out with Seth Lavine.

My life isn't perfect. It never has been. Growing up without a fully functioning mother. A dad who left because he was too afraid of taking on responsibility. Then there's me, a 15 year old girl having to take care of herself in the world because her mother is always drinking herself away. It isn't fair, it isn't right, but honestly I have to live with that. I'm fine with that though. If my life wasn't going the way that it was I wouldn't be the person I am today, and I'm pretty freaking awesome. I'm Olivia Solace, 15 years old, taking on the world and all the wonders and horrors it sends my way.

"Mom?" I say softly as I shake her trying to wake her up.

Great. She's blacked out again. I guess I should be thankful because everytime this happens I get to go do whatever I want for the rest of the night. Then when she wakes up in the morning I'd better be home and have everything under control so she has no idea that I even left that night. That night I decide to go to a party. I call my friend to come pick me up. Now, I have twenty minutes to get ready. I don't really know what to wear, and I don't have anything cute in my closet. I walk to my moms room and pick out a glittery black dress out of her wardrobe. I put it on and throw on some Converse. She's here. I creep downstairs and make it out the front door. I get in the car.

"Hey Ruby." I greet.

"Hey Liv. Ready to go?" Ruby asks.

"Yeah, I am."

"Great, let's go."

Ruby starts backing out of the driveway and drives away. We reach his house. Seth Lavine. He's pretty known around this town. I mean, all the girls swoon over him and are head-over-heels, but not me. Honestly, I could care less. I just came here for a good time. Me and Ruby get out of the car and head into the house. Seth greets us at the door.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's goin' on!"

"Nothing." Ruby giggles.

I roll my eyes. Seriously, her too? Seth looks me up and down before asking, "Can I get you a drink?"

"Yeah, sure?" I reply.

He puts his hand out. I take it and he leads me to the kitchen.

"Let me get you something. It's called 'The Death Moon'. Made it myself."

"Oh? The death moon, huh? Definitely not an intimidating name." I say.

Seth chuckles. "Definitely not." He says as he hands me the drink.

I take a sip. For once, I feel like my mother. I hate when I do something that my mother would do. Now, I'm doing it.

"Liv?" Seth says.

"Yeah?"

"Can I take you upstairs?"

© 2024 vxmp

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JayG

• "Mom?" I say softly as I shake her trying to wake her up.

Can you wake her down? No? Then drop “up.” Every word you can eliminate speeds the reading and increases reader impact.

But that aside, you’ve fallen into the most common trap in writing: You’re transcribing yourself telling the story to the reader, as if at the campfire. And that cannot be made to work.

Why? Because what you’ve written are the words YOU would speak. And when you speak them in performance, you add emotion to your voice—emotion the reader can’t-know-to-place-there. You also add visual performance items, like facial expression changes, gestures that visually punctuate, and body language—again, something the reader doesn’t know to place there as they perform the role you’ve assigned them: storyteller.

It works perfectly when you read it because all those elements are there and doing their job. But...the reader has a storyteller’s script and no clue of how you would perform it.

You write well, but you’re writing as you were taught to in school: fact-based and author-centric. That was perfect for the reports and essays you were assigned, then. And it works for the reports, letters, and other nonfiction applications that employers need.

But...readers don’t want to learn what happened. That’s history, and how many people buy history books for a fun read? Your reader wants you to make THEM feel as if they’re living the events, not reading a synopsis of the kind that school-day writing skills produce.

So, while this is anything but good news, it’s not your fault, has nothing to do with talent, and, is a trap that 90% or more hopeful writers fall into. So you have a LOT of company. And of more importance, the problems are fixable, simply by acquiring the skills the pros take for granted.

Is that a list of, “Do this instead of that?” Ha! If only...

Every profession has a unique body of knowledge that must be mastered. There are no amateur doctors, engineers, accounts, etc. But...learning how to do something you WANT to do is never a chore. And the practice? Writing stories that get better and better. So, what’s not to love?

So, jump in. The learning is filled with, “But that’s so...how could I not have seen something so obvious?” That’s sort of fun, till you begin growling the words and pounding on the table.😆

And once you master those skills, the act of writing becomes a lot like living the story as the protagonist. And that’s fun.

Here are two possibilities, so far as books to begin with:

Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict, is a warm read that feels a lot like sitting with Deb as she talks about writing.
https://dokumen.pub/qdownload/gmc-goal-motivation-and-conflict-9781611943184.html

Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer, is an older book (circa 1962). But it is the best I’ve found. In fact, it’s the book that got me my first yes from a publisher. It was written by Deb’s teacher, who was a professor, so, it does tend to go into such great detail that some find it a bit dry.
https://dokumen.pub/techniques-of-the-selling-writer-0806111917.html

Try a few chapters of both for fit. And for an overview of the traps and gotchas, you might try a few of my articles and YouTube Videos, linked to below.

But whatever you do, hang in there and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

Posted 1 Week Ago

• "Mom?" I say softly as I shake her trying to wake her up.

Can you wake her down? No? Then drop “up.” Every word you can eliminate speeds the reading and increases reader impact.

But that aside, you’ve fallen into the most common trap in writing: You’re transcribing yourself telling the story to the reader, as if at the campfire. And that cannot be made to work.

Why? Because what you’ve written are the words YOU would speak. And when you speak them in performance, you add emotion to your voice—emotion the reader can’t-know-to-place-there. You also add visual performance items, like facial expression changes, gestures that visually punctuate, and body language—again, something the reader doesn’t know to place there as they perform the role you’ve assigned them: storyteller.

It works perfectly when you read it because all those elements are there and doing their job. But...the reader has a storyteller’s script and no clue of how you would perform it.

You write well, but you’re writing as you were taught to in school: fact-based and author-centric. That was perfect for the reports and essays you were assigned, then. And it works for the reports, letters, and other nonfiction applications that employers need.

But...readers don’t want to learn what happened. That’s history, and how many people buy history books for a fun read? Your reader wants you to make THEM feel as if they’re living the events, not reading a synopsis of the kind that school-day writing skills produce.

So, while this is anything but good news, it’s not your fault, has nothing to do with talent, and, is a trap that 90% or more hopeful writers fall into. So you have a LOT of company. And of more importance, the problems are fixable, simply by acquiring the skills the pros take for granted.

Is that a list of, “Do this instead of that?” Ha! If only...

Every profession has a unique body of knowledge that must be mastered. There are no amateur doctors, engineers, accounts, etc. But...learning how to do something you WANT to do is never a chore. And the practice? Writing stories that get better and better. So, what’s not to love?

So, jump in. The learning is filled with, “But that’s so...how could I not have seen something so obvious?” That’s sort of fun, till you begin growling the words and pounding on the table.😆

And once you master those skills, the act of writing becomes a lot like living the story as the protagonist. And that’s fun.

Here are two possibilities, so far as books to begin with:

Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict, is a warm read that feels a lot like sitting with Deb as she talks about writing.
https://dokumen.pub/qdownload/gmc-goal-motivation-and-conflict-9781611943184.html

Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer, is an older book (circa 1962). But it is the best I’ve found. In fact, it’s the book that got me my first yes from a publisher. It was written by Deb’s teacher, who was a professor, so, it does tend to go into such great detail that some find it a bit dry.
https://dokumen.pub/techniques-of-the-selling-writer-0806111917.html

Try a few chapters of both for fit. And for an overview of the traps and gotchas, you might try a few of my articles and YouTube Videos, linked to below.

But whatever you do, hang in there and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
Articles:  https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos:  https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” 
~ E. L. Doctorow

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
 ~ Mark Twain

Rating /100