The real lunar landing

The Lunar Landing. What a controversial subject. There are divided opinions on this matter. There are some who believe that we never made it to the moon. Their argument is long and tedious and if you really want to hear it look it up for yourself. The other opinion is that we did reach the moon and Mr. Armstrong said his lovely little quote and everything went hunky-dory. These people are idiots and believe everything that the government tells them. It doesn't really matter what either of these parties say because they are both wrong. Horribly, terribly wrong. Although, while they are government controlled zombies, the people of the later persuasion aren't that far off of the true story. Any way back to the zombies and the lunar landing. In order to relay these events properly I will need to give you a little background information. I have found, to my everlasting grief, that not everyone can remember the exact details of the Space Race off the top of their head. And as this is a document on the Lunar Landing, the details pertaining to the Space Race would prove necessary in its telling.
You see it all started during the Cold War between what we now call Russia and the United States. The United States was quite used to being the big kahuna, as they say, and was quite put out with the idea of an equally oppressive super-power on another continent. There is a lot more to the whole thing but that would take a while and my story is more fascinating. Anyway these two super-powers were going at it, or not as the case may be thus the phrase "the Cold War". So like two play-ground toughs they started to compete. The subject of this competition was space. Who could get there first, who could orbit our lovely and screwed up planet first, and who could reach the moon first. Well the Russians beat us to space and they were also the first to reach orbit and to make their own space station. Unfortunately their first test subject, a dog named Laika, died up there. Their first man to reach space was named Yuri Gagarin and he made it back alive and in one piece. Unfortunately he died five years later. The lucky chap to get to orbit around our planet in his very own space station was named Vladimir Mikhaylovich Komarov. Quite a mouthful. Anyway. He died too. Upon reentry into our planets atmosphere. Then on July 20, 1969 the U.S. finally made it to the moon, first! Or at least they got the first man to the moon, the Russians actually got to the moon first, oh well.
Now that that boring part is over I can tell you what really happened. You see none of those Russian people/dogs actually died. It was all a communist plot. These three didn't die. They went to the moon to prepare for the arrival of the U.S. It went like this. Apollo 11 landed on the moon and Neil Armstrong took his large step and said his lovely quote and Buzz Aldrin made sure that Neil didn't land flat on his face in front of the camera. Then, all of a sudden Laika comes over the top of a crater and heads straight for Buzz. Buzz doesn't panic. He grabs Neil and throws him at the dog. Neil slams into Laika and sends her flying off the moon. Unfortunately the impact renders Neil unconscious. Buzz isn't deterred by this turn of events. He doesn't have time to help Neil, because while he was fighting Laika, Gagarin had climbed to the top of the Lunar Lander and was preparing to launch himself at the unsuspecting Buzz. At the last moment Buzz sees this new enemy. As Gagarin hurtles towards him Buzz pulls a katana out of his suit and slashes open Gagarin's larynx. This is really a tragedy because I heard that Gagarin was quite a singer in his day. Anyway Buzz, thinking himself safe, heads for Neil to help him up. As he heads for our fallen hero the ground starts to tremble. Looking up he catches a glimpse of a lunar rover cresting a crater. Curious, he starts in the direction of the rover. He just manages to reach the base of the ridge when the rover roared over the his head. Or we are assuming that it roared but it would be impossible to find out as sound doesn't travel in space. Anyway, the rover roars over his head and Buzz barely has time to dodge out of the way of the bullets aimed for his skull. Executing a quick roll maneuver he turns around to face this new nemesis. And what do you know, it was Komarov. Komarov jumps out of the rover and heads for Buzz, who is now unarmed. Buzz doesn't hesitate. He runs at Komarov at full speed. When it seems that a full on collision is nigh both Buzz and Komarov stop. They just stop and then they hug, shake hands and have a tap-dance competition, which Komarov wins. Then Buzz picks up Neil and they head back to Earth. That is the true story of the lunar landing.

"Really? That was quite fascinating," said the man in the white coat. We shall call him Exhibit A. "And how did you come by this story?"
"Oh I was talking to Laika last night and she told me all about it," said the man. He shall be Exhibit B.
"I thought Laika died," observed Exhibit A.
"Oh no," exclaimed Exhibit B. "Of course not, only the insane talk to dead people."