Reminiscing

I came up with this in history class. I'm not quite sure how it popped into my head. Definitely not my best.

It was sunny today

I was relaxing on the grass

Friends gathered all 'round

It made me think back

To that day in June

I thought of you actually

And wondered where you were

 

I remembered the days

Beneath the oaks

And their sheltering branches

When golden sun filled the air

With its warmth and light

With leaves scatted everywhere

 

You would climb and climb

Branch by branch

And never fall

You reached the top

And conquered it all

 

Then they came and took you away

The warmth and light fled

With the last of your footsteps

The trees sickened and grew old

Why did it end, our victory

So I hope it's sunny, where ever you are

I hope you conquered it all again

 

Reviews

[raining]

I always envy when a poet writes with structure. My head never works that way. there is alot here. like it takes you to that place .... the air of that space. still needs to relax and just grab innocent talk made of metaphor. "you would climb and climb and....

last stanza too many lined up metaphor.. too may confuses the reader so there is a problem of "seeing" because of too much ness.

is that okay? i always feel funny doing this since i don't write poetry any more. thanks raining