one step forward, ten steps back

it's like you're the only one 

you're walking a tightrope

you're underwater and 

everybody around you is breathing fine

you're empty

you're numb

the word "ugly" endlessly playing in your head

you're flashing back to the cruelty

and you seem to be back in the same hole 

you dug for yourself

every time you take

one step forward

you end up

ten steps back.