Waning Sun

That summer, I was getting old. I suppose I had an inkling then, but I pushed it aside out of fear, telling myself as I cleaned the pieces of the plate off the linoleum that it had just be an accident - a simple slip. I was only shaking from adrenaline I said, as I stared down at the remains of my mother's favorite decorative plate, shattered in the dustpan like my nerves.

My husband went first, and I presume that was my second warning. Fallen from the roof while cleaning the eaves of autumn shards; broken like the plate. And just like that silly piece of china, they couldn't quite put him back together again.

The grass outside my door grew longer as the days grew shorter - or they seemed to. Maybe it was just that weariness that took hold of my bones, heavier and heavier as my roses grew wild and the aspen lost its leaves. The sun seemed to set faster and faster, until I became grasped by a twilight that never came to an end.

"You'll know," my mother's last words had been. She was right; I knew. But my husband always quipped that knowing was different than acceptance, and he was right too. I just needed a little more time - how could it be so soon? All the little things seemed to pile up somehow, and I just wanted to be sure I was all done. Who wants to go out with an unfinished to-do list?

My mother came to visit one morning.

"You'll know," she said to me. She was right; I knew.

Author's Note

Taking a break from my main writing to do writing prompts. I need professional help.

Prompt: "That summer, I was getting old."

Reviews

[D Connolly]

I don't normally enjoy reflective stories, but I like the way you did this. This IS a reflective story, as opposed to an action story where nothing happens except internal monolog (boring). Your sentence structure is nice, and I like the visuals you put here, like "shattered in the dust pan like my nerves" and I really love "eaves of autumn shards (I love that word) broken like the plate". There's a lot about this that I like. I'm sending you a friend request. I think I could learn from your style.
Dani

[Michael X]

I like how you capture a moment in time, the thoughts and emotions, has that sense of life understanding! This is a great read!

[Voidwvlf]

Thank you!

[Gladys]

What an interesting piece! Even though it was short, it had all my attention for the whole way through and I absolutely loved the flow of the voice here!

Bonus points for the recurring theme of the mother saying that the main character will know. I thought that was quite chilling and clever. Damn, you're good haha

[Tony Jordan]

I got the feeling that the speaker overcame the panic and refusal to accept when mother visited to show her there was nothing to fear.
With acceptance came the sweet relief of passing on.

This is... well... it's writing of another caliber and technically beyond me to critique but I can say how it made me feel and think.
It reminded me of my own mortality and it made me feel that I should be carping the hell out the diems I have left.

[Voidwvlf]

Oh my, I am hardly deserving of such a compliment! Thank you so much!

As for seizing the day, as long as you enjoyed what you spent the day doing... well, that's all we can really ask for.

[Tobin]

An interesting use of metaphors that almost everyone in their twilight years (as am I) can relate to. I particularly liked the husband's quip: "that knowing was different than acceptance." So very true. However, what left me hanging, and wanting more, was the mother's visit. Did I miss something here? Was she still living? If not, then the interest level of the reader just went up exponentially.

[Voidwvlf]

Oh dear, that part was actually a leftover from another draft of this, and I forgot it was in there without reference to death! Yes, the mother is dead, hence when she comes for a visit, the narrator knows it's time to go. I shall have another look at this and see how to patch up that gap. Thank you for bringing it to my attention!

[Jack]

Nice story! I really enjoyed reading it. And I really like Thebes's direction you took the prompt in.
I also enjoy how you kept referring to the broken China, as it was only a small thing but sort of seemed like a tipping point as far as frustration goes. And the whole broken pierces and broken plate thing.
Overall, I thought it was very good, and sad. I liked it a lot!

[Voidwvlf]

Thank you! The plate started off as just something annoying, like a fly. I decided to try and make it more. It's not as big a theme as I wanted it to be, but maybe then it would have gotten overwhelming.

I appreciate your feedback!

[Dust That Drifts Throug..]

I like how you compared the broken plate to the broken pieces of the narrator.

[Voidwvlf]

Entirely unintentional, haha. Thank you!