Sinful Birthright

Joseph just needed some eggs. And to go outside for once. If only a certain someone would shut up.

Joseph Luiheid had always been labeled as a lazy kid. He had no motivation, no real path, no real will to do anything. He usually just slept, did his homework to the bare minimum, or watched something on his phone. His parents, Alessendra and Karlos, had forced him into various activities, hoping to see some action from him but in the end all they got was barely any participation, absences, and disappointment from peers. In the end, they gave up. They did all they could to keep him afloat but made it clear that they would do nothing to help him once he graduated. As expected, he simply shrugged at that.

Perhaps the only reason Joseph would get out of the house was for errands. He was the laziest kid on the block, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t help his parents. It was his one redeeming feature (that, and the fact he never judged anyone. It was a refreshing attribute in everyone’s eyes). Yes, everything he did was half-attempted with minimal effort, but for quick fixes and simply cleans he was ideal. So, when his mother needed some eggs from the market, Joseph eased his hoodie over his head, slid on his crocs, and headed for the door.

When people did see him, it was always in some level of surprise that he was even outside, but Joseph didn’t mind. At least it wasn’t for his appearance… for the most part. His hair was a raggy, long, coarse mess of blonde hair, usually combed over to only hide one of his pastel blue eyes. His face wasn’t very pleasing, his beard patchy and the mustache small due to puberty and the acne, while not widespread, was fairly noticeable. In terms of his build, it was of no surprise that he was on the pudgy side of things, the most common insult geared towards his weight and the fact it looked like he didn’t have a neck. Of course, his aunt would say that his cheeks were so pinchable, just as the stereotype would portray.

Joseph’s most common getup was a navy blue hoodie with a white snail plastered on it, the repeating words “Keep It Slow” in a circle around it, a pair of plain thin black pajamas that could be mistaken as running sweats if you didn’t look closely, simple white socks, and his signature pair of yellow crocs. Occasionally he would also wear his glasses, as he was now, which was a pair of yellow round plastic with temples being made of a flexible-yet-sturdy material with a wire inside to make them much more adjustable for max comfort and grip. A new addition to his appearance, something he started wearing about a month ago, was a navy blue newsboy cap that had a small gold-painted button on the side near the brim. Overall, it was a look of comfort, never meant to impress and always an easy change.

Joseph knew it would be a good thing to get some fresh air today, his throat was feeling a bit stale from laying in bed all morning. It was a common misconception he received. Everyone assumed he hated going outside, which was not true. He just never wanted to. If he needed to or something caught his eye, he didn’t mind leaving his room and going into the yard. But every time he stepped out, someone would be surprised. It was to a point where it was less of an annoyance and more of a fact of life. So, when he ran into his neighbor, Gregory, it was to no surprise that he had balked at seeing Joseph walking down the street.

“Well well well! I’m surprised you’re out here, Joe! To think that you left your room!” Gregory called out. Joseph shrugged, not stopping. He hated that nickname. Joe was too short, too simple, for Joseph’s liking. But people associated him with laziness, so why wouldn’t they choose to shorten his name, right? It made sense in a roundabout way, but it didn’t mean Joseph had to like it.

“Whoa whoa whoa bro, c’mon, let’s talk! How long has it been since we last talked?” Gregory said, jogging up to him to try and continue the already dead conversation.

“Four days.” Joseph deadpanned, not looking at his neighbor. Gregory chuckled at that.

“No no no, that can’t be right. I mean, you never leave your house! Maybe four weeks! Maybe four MONTHS! Now those sound just about right!” Gregory stated, as if he knew everything about Joseph, who simply scoffed.

“Then talk to my parents. Perhaps they’ll enlighten you about how often I leave the house. News flash, I actually do a lot.” Joseph responded, flipping Gregory off as he sped up, not wanting to give any more attention to the guy. Of everyone in town, Gregory was the worst. He always would assume the worst of Joseph… no, he would assume the worst about everyone. It was almost like he thought he was better than everyone else, which was absolutely incorrect.

“Sure sure sure, of course you would say that! I mean, all they do is coddle you, right? Man, they must be bad parents to allow you to turn out the way you have!” Gregory said, his smile still jolly, as if he was stating a simple fact.

Now, you could insult Joseph. You could call him lazy, call him dumb, fat, ugly, smelly, a failure. You could punch him in the face, kick him in the balls, force nasty liquids down his throat. But the one thing you could NOT do was insult his parents or friends, of which he had few of. These people looked past his exterior and found qualities that meant something and focused on those, not his discrepancies.

Joseph slowed to a stop.

“Could you repeat that?” He asked. Gregory’s eyebrows arched in confusion.

“Bro bro bro, are you deaf? They failed to raise you! They needed to enforce some parenting on ya, perhaps then you could actually be successful! Maybe even smart and fit!” Gregory said. Joseph nodded.

“That’s what I thought.” He said as he turned around and walked up to the guy. Now, both were in high school, Joseph a senior and Gregory a junior, but Gregory was a good foot taller than him, healthier than him, and certainly better looking. But Joseph knew for a fact that he lacked one thing: pain tolerance. So, in response to the insult, Joseph flung his leg up and his knee connected with the kid’s balls. Gregory instantly toppled to the ground, hands at his crotch, tears already pouring out of his eyes as he began to bawl like a baby.

“S**t s**t s**t! That hurt, man! Why?!” Gregory cried, his voice now whiny and pathetic. And that wasn’t even an insult to his character or anything, it truly sounded pathetic coming from Gregory. Joseph shrugged.

“Maybe you shouldn’t insult people’s parents. I am the result of my own actions, not theirs.” Joseph said simply as he kicked Gregory in the stomach, causing the other to cough violently as speech became impossible, his sobs being the only noises that came out of his mouth.

The most hilarious thing about it was the fact that Joseph had done this to a kid in elementary school once and that kid cried less than this high schooler. Needless to say, he didn’t feel bad as he turned around and kept walking.

Two blocks later, Joseph finally reached the marketplace. The building was owned by an elderly couple whose ancestors had not only founded the town but also the marketplace way back then. Joseph liked the place. It had all the food needed, along with a decent selection of new release comics and movies. So in terms of what Joseph needed to survive without boredom, the marketplace had all he needed.

“Heya Joseph! On an errand again?”

Joseph turned to see Mr. Ira, the manager. Ira was perhaps the kindest man in town while also being the only person of color in town. It wasn’t even as if the town was necessarily racist or anything (other than Old Man Crowley, but that was a given. The guy was a freak in everyone’s eyes), Ira had just decided to settle down here. While he knew of Joseph’s lazy lifestyle, he also was the first person to start talking about Joseph for things other than the fact he was a failure (he knew that already, no need to nail it in), telling everyone of how kind he was and how “wonderfully passive,” he acted, in the exact words of Mr. Ira. It was perhaps the only reason that Joseph had actually gotten kids to talk with him. Being a movie buff helped solidify any potential relationships he had growing, so in the end Joseph always found himself in debt to Mr. Ira.

“Yeah, Mr. Ira. Eggs this time.” Joseph replied. Ira smiled at that and nodded.

“Good news for you, we just restocked the eggs with a fresh stock about an hour ago, so your mom is going to receive the best of the best today!” Mr. Ira said. Joseph chuckled and thanked him for the information. Walking over to the eggs, he grabbed the cheapest option, self-checked out, waved his goodbyes to Mr. Ira, and left the store. He never stayed long but there was no need. Besides, if he recalled, Breaking Bad was on soon.

When he had left, the sun was still in the sky but due to daylight savings, the sun was setting, the orange sky blazing like a pumpkin shell. Of all the times to need eggs, of course it was for dinner. As Joseph pulled out his phone and turned on the flashlight, he began the small, three block trek back to his house.

Halfway through though, Joseph froze.

Standing in the middle of the sidewalk was Gregory. But… no, that couldn’t be Gregory, no, that couldn’t even be human!

Standing there, unmoving, like a statue, was certainly Gregory, but usually the guy was a muscular, tall, beach tanned guy with short, curly, black hair and a large smile. Here stood a man that had thinned considerably, who’s hair had grown to such lengths that it curled around his feet, skin becoming pale and tight, and a mouth hanging open dumbly, spittle dripping slowly from the corner. A pair of dead yellow eyes looked at Joseph, unmoving.

“What… the hell…” Joseph muttered quietly as he began to back up, his eyes not leaving the sight in front of him. The man… thing… whatever it was, seemed to not notice until Joseph had reached the end of the block. Only then did it react. Screeching out in a voice the same as Gregory when Joseph had last seen him, crying and whining, it rushed at Joseph, it’s speed impressive had it not been charging at Joseph, who reacted as expected from anyone in such a scenario: he began to run as well. There was no chance to escape it, he knew that. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t gain some ground, perhaps find a way to distract it.

All that did was piss the creature off more, as it sped up and barrelled into Joseph, causing him to be launched a good distance ahead, crashing to the ground with a sickening crack. Joseph winced, looking down to see that his arm was flopping around at awkward angles. He also knew he should be feeling pain, but he also knew that shock was setting in and so was adrenaline, so his mind was ignoring it completely, as there were more important things to focus on.

Joseph looked back just in time to see the Gregory creature closing in, at which, at the last moment, Joseph jumped to the side, dodging the thing.

“Alright, what in the actual hell is that thing?” Joseph wondered aloud. The creature whirled around, almost glaring now, as if Joseph dodging hurt its ego. Shrieking, it charged again, speeding up the closer it got. Joseph jumped into the road, which caused it to whirl around and charge again.

The two continued this little dance, playing a very dangerous game of chicken in the road as the creature continuously charged at Joseph, losing no energy while Joseph was, his arm slowly hurting more and more as anxiety and panic started to set in, his adrenaline fading away. Logically he knew it had only been perhaps a minute or two, but it felt like an hour had passed. As he slowed down, he dodged too late, the creature clipping his shoulder, but that alone was strong enough to send him straight into the light pole, hurting his back. Joseph growled in pain, his body no longer letting him get up. He could feel everything, sure, but the pain had finally set in and tears were pouring down his face as he slowly looked up. The creature was slowly walking towards him, a satisfied smile on its twisted face. As it reached him, it finally spoke, using Gregory’ voice… or perhaps it was Gregory himself speaking.

“Hey hey hey, Joseph. See what happens when you mess with your superiors?” The creature chuckled eerily. Joseph simply responded by flipping the creature off. No satisfaction would be given here, thank you. The creature snarled, raised up its arm, ready to strike…

Just as a car ran into it, the arms ripping off from the force, the legs and majority of the torso getting sucked under the car and ran over, sending fleshy matter all over the road, the upper portion of the torso along with the head tumbling over the hood of the car, falling behind and landing face up, eyes deader than dead. The car, a black Volkswagen, screeched to a stop, and from the driver’s side, out came Mr. Ira.

“Just like Superbia to do something like that.” Mr. Ira snarled as Joseph looked in surprise. What the hell just happened? Why was Ira acting as if this was all normal?! WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS GREGORY AND WHY DID MR. IRA JUST CALL HIM SUPERBIA?! Joseph sputtered as he watched Mr. Ira walked over to the trunk of his car and pulled out, of all things, an actual flamethrower, canisters and all. Slinging it over his shoulder, Mr. Ira proceeded to pull the trigger, burning the corpse… at least, what was left of it, reducing it all to ashes. Finishing up with that, Mr. Ira wiped his brow, put the weapon back into the trunk and turned towards Joseph.

“Long night, Joseph?” He asked, smiling.

Joseph, in response, fainted.

When Joseph woke up, he found Mr. Ira sitting at the side of his bed in a lawn chair that no doubt Joseph’s mom had set up. Talking quietly to Ira was his dad, who was standing in front of him. Joseph groaned as he slowly inched back in bed, setting his back to the headboard.

“Joseph!” Karlos said, worry obviously the only emotion the father was feeling. Mr. Ira, on the other hand, only smiled as Karlos wrapped his arms around his son, squeezing him harder than necessary.

“Jesus Christ, kid. You gave me a heart attack!” Karlos said as he finally let go. Joseph just leaned back.

“Understandable, considering that I was attacked by Gregory of all people.” Joseph muttered, eyeing Mr. Ira who simply looked at Karlos, who looked back at him. They seemed to be arguing something. Joseph cocked his eyebrows.

“Alright, you two are hiding something and as I was nearly killed by Gregory who certainly sounded like himself but was definitely NOT him, I want answers. On top of that, why do you, Mr. Ira, of all people, having a mother f*****g flamethrower thrown in the back of your car?” Joseph asked. Karlos looked at Mr. Ira in surprise.

“I thought you had gotten rid of that thing!” Karlos exclaimed. Mr. Ira shrugged.

“Do you really think that after seeing its effectiveness in clearing a room full of Nazis that I would just get rid of it?” Mr. Ira retorted, sipping a cup of tea that had been sitting on Joseph’s bedside table. Joseph’s mind stuttered to a stop. Wait… clear a room of Nazis? Like, the genocidal maniacs in World War 2? Those Nazis? That… that couldn’t be right, Mr. Ira didn’t look a day over fifty! Karlos rubbed his eyes.

“Ira, my man, of all the things to keep from that war, THAT was one to keep? Not Arnold’s sword or maybe Brutus’s knife? Something of significance?” Karlos said, rolling his eyes.

“What does significance have to do anything? If I need a job done, I’m going to use something that can remove the problem from the equation quickly and painfully, not something that makes it slower or less painful.” Mr. Ira stated calmly. Joseph’s eyes bulged at that point. Okay, so apparently they were OLDER THAN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WAS?!

Karlos looked at Joseph and realized what Joseph was thinking rather quickly.

“Ira, perhaps you should explain this. It might be more of a shock if I say it.” He said quietly. Ira nodded in understanding, turning to face Joseph.

“What I am about to tell you is extremely dangerous information, Joseph. I must preface that before I begin to tell you anything.” Ira began. Joseph waited for Ira to continue, but it was as if he was waiting for a response… wait.

“Oh! Sorry… yeah, yeah I… I understand.” Joseph stammered. Ira chuckled.

“You are good, kiddo. I just had to make sure you were functioning. Now… where to begin…” Ira muttered as he gathered his thoughts. After a few minutes of awkward silence, he snapped his fingers.

“Ah yes, who we are. You can probably guess, we aren’t entirely human. Neither was Gregory, or as we know him as Superbia. We are known as the Seven and we represent what Christianity calls the Seven Deadly Sins.” Ira began. Joseph’s body froze. That… was not what he expected but he couldn’t continue that thought as Ira began to continue.

“Way back then, before the Earth was created, we the Seven were selected from the angelic chorus to keep the Garden of Eden in check, as we needed to keep the Serpent from entering. Sadly, as expected from someone who was meant to represent Envy, one of our own, Invidia, was jealous of God’s attention towards Adam and Eve, and turned a blind eye as the Serpent slithered into the Garden. Long story short, we were banished from Heaven due to one of our own and sentenced to wander the Earth alone, immortal but killable. Invidia, understandably, was killed by the rest of the Seven as an act of revenge. We would thrive for a millennium afterwards, only for Avaritia, who was Greed, to die at the hands of who you know as Gregory, who we knew as Superbia. Superbia had felt as if his pride, which was evidently the sin he controlled, was hurt after Avaritia had beaten him in a duel. Pride is easily wounded, so it made sense that so was he. It was here when the surviving members, who consisted of me, who is Wrath, your father Gula, who is Gluttony, and your mother, who is Lust, all decided to revolt against him. Since then, we’ve been keeping him in check, making sure that anyone who came near wouldn’t be harmed by the pettiness that was Pride. Sadly, I guess we weren’t lucky tonight, as he escaped our view and, well, now he has been removed from the equation.” Ira explained. Joseph’s jaw had since dropped at the bomb of intense insanity that Ira just spoke. Turning to Karlos… or Gula or whatever, Joseph silently demanded more information.

“I married your mother a long time ago, but as time passed, we continually changed our names, pasts, and locations to make sure that no one would easily recognize us. We have even faked our own deaths on a multitude of occasions. Despite our immortality and few abilities, none of us can fully change our appearance. We can fake aging but not anything else. So is evident with Superbia. He appears to be your age but in truth he is just as old as we are.” Karlos explained. Joseph took a deep breath.

“Alright then but there still are two holes here… first off, where the hell is mom?” Joseph asked. Karlos chuckled.

“Ah, well, you’ve been unconscious for a couple days now, so she had to go to work.” Karlos said. Joseph shook his head. Still dropping bombs, huh? He had been out for days. Jesus. To think he had missed some good shows. Looking back to Ira.

“You said that only Greed, Envy, and now Pride have died… so what about Sloth?” Joseph asked. Ira tensed up, eyes slightly widening. He looked over at Karlos who had the same expression.

“Ah… yes, Sloth… well… that…” Ira stuttered as he tried to think of an answer. Joseph frowned, eyes squinting accusingly.

“What are you trying to hide, Mr. Ira?” Joseph demanded. Ira looked back to Karlos who nodded grudgingly.

“Acedia, or Sloth, well, that’s a trick question. Sloth had a couple notable tricks up his sleeve. Slowing time, erasing parts of history, basically copying our own abilities and powers, he was indeed the laziest of us all. He slowed time to give nearly infinite time to do any simple task, erased minor parts of the past to remove obstacles in his past, no matter how catastrophic for history it could be. He was also the only one that could place his soul in the body of another. If he were to die, he could continue to live on in the soul of another. And… around the time you were born, Acedia was gunned down in attempting to scam a local gang lord. Seeing the newborn you, who at the time lived down the street, he began the transfer of his soul into your body, only for it to be thwarted by none other than your mother. Her control over Lust allowed her to warp someone’s soul, which made them puppets, but when it came to Sloth, who tried to escape, an anomaly appeared which fused your two souls together. So… to answer your question, yes, Acedia did indeed die, but now there is a new Sloth…” Ira finished, allowing Joseph to finish the sentence.

“Me. I’m Sloth.” Joseph muttered. Ira nodded.

“You have aged. You show no immortality. But unbeknownst to you, you harbor the same magic that Acedia did. When you were in the first grade, you were stressed during one of the assignments, a color-by-numbers one if I recall. You subconsciously used your time slowing skill to give yourself enough time to finish, though neither you or anyone else noticed. But we certainly did, as we ourselves are immune to such magic, as the passage of time has no effect on us to begin with. There was another time where you made a certain assignment never be graded, leaving a missing spot on your report card back in the seventh grade. Of course, you had no idea and thought that perhaps your teacher had forgotten, and who were you to remind him? Of course, your father and mother planned to tell you in the future, when you were older, but, well, you’ve seen something that pushed that date to today.” Ira finished off. Karlos nodded.

“I understand this is all a shock to you, but at least that makes it easier on us parents. We can train you to use your abilities. We can make sure that nothing extreme happens. A blessing in disguise, perhaps.” Karlos said. Joseph thought about it for a moment. No matter how crazy it all sounded, who could say no to magic? If it made his life easier as well, bonus!

“Well… no matter what happens, could I perhaps get some rest? I understand that I have missed a couple days, which means I have a couple shows to catch up on.”

Author's Note

This was written as a way to break down some writer's block walls that had been plaguing me, so there really is no purpose to this story. Feel free to critique, just know no attempt for plot or story or anything was really done for this.