Prologue

The mysterious beginnings of the experiment

             

 

 

Prologue

 

              The man in the threadbare coat walked quickly through the crowded street, not noticing any of the scantily dressed women in the doorways or the street urchins begging for food or money.   He dared not to look at the children for fear of one day seeing them dead.   How many children had died at his hands, not directly, but by his actions?  Too many to count.  Yet, he was told it was for the greater good.  He had once believed in that what he did would one day save mankind; however, those days were long gone.

                He sidestepped a puddle as he turned the corner from the busy main street into a deserted, dark alley.  Not slowing his pace, the man did not hesitate to enter the alley.  No one, not even the homeless vagrants, would venture into this alley.  It was rumored, and for good reason, that people often went missing in the areas surround this one dark and dirty alley…never to be seen again.  Stepping over ancient refuse, the man walked purposefully towards the nondescript door at the end of the alleyway.  This door was jokingly called the “entrance with no exit”.  People may have joked and laughed, but they were not stupid enough to actually see if this door truly had no way out. 

                Stopping in front of the door, the man fumbled around in his pocket until he found what was needed.  A keycard, white and blank, except for the logo of an all-seeing eye in the middle of a circular DNA strand, was what he sought.  With a slight swish of his wrist, he slid the keycard to gain access to his final destination.  A green light flashed and the door glide opened, making absolutely no noise.  Quickly, he stepped inside the building, being temporarily blinded by the bright, white lights.  The man removed his coat and hung it up on the coat rack, and then he replaced his poor men’s wear with a white lab coat. 

                Once outfitted in his proper attire, the man sat at his desk, filled with all the latest technology, such as smart glass, which replaced outdated computers.  In front of him, the smart glass screen wavered, alerting him of an impending meeting.  Where the clear glass had been was a perfect image of a boardroom filled with a long table and chairs, which seated people of various nationalities.  At the end of the table sat an old man hunched over from arthritis and father time.  “Mr. Gilroy, I am pleased that you made this emergency meeting with such speed and prompt, you must be commended for your exemplary professionalism.  We,” the old man gestured to all the men and women around the room, “have been quite displeased with the last few test trials and their results. “  The old man picked up a document and read with his half-moon spectacles, “Here it states that Test 124 just ended a little over 24 hours ago, but with substandard results.  None of the trial candidates survived, which is most certainly a problem, considering that you, Mr. Gilroy, promised not just standard results, but over and beyond what he asked for.”

                A stern-looking Latino woman interrupted the old man, who merely looked at her with indulgence he would give a young child.  Mr. Gilroy knew that this man was heartless and would order a child’s death rather than stop and help a starving child…all in the name of science.   “Mr. Gilroy, what the benefactor is trying to say is that billions of dollars have gone into this project, yet we have had no satisfactory outcome.  We had hired you, because you promised what no one else could, and yet you are failing like your predecessors before you.  Do you realize how important this experiment is?  The survival of mankind rests in these trials succeeding.”  During her passionate speech, the woman stood up, pointing a finger at him, belittling him for something he could not control.

                Smiling, the old man’s deep voice interjected, “We have come up with a solution for you, Mr. Gilroy, so you wouldn’t have to think so hard.  We are going to up the ante and have several groups tested at the same time.  We need this to be started immediately as soon as this meeting is adjourned.  Remember no more of these.”  Pictures flashed across the screen in front of him�"pictures of children and teenagers all dead from different means…and then just one picture.  A single image filled the screen of the only survivor of the last test; even though, the board had not counted this crazed, wild teenager as a survivor.  The teenager would never be allowed in normal society again, because he would be a danger to everyone, including himself.  “Do you understand, Mr. Gilroy?”

                “I understand.”

Author's Note

Constructive criticism is appreciated! Let Dog Meat Todd and I know what you think! Please and thank you!

Reviews

[quinfinn]

i was immediately drawn into the scene and followed the man down the alleyway, which, by the way, i would never have entered, thanks to your effective imagery, and was transported to a futuristic arena where horrible experiments are being done on innocent victims. hell of an effective and intriguing movie plot, if you ask me. have you considered writing screenplays? oh and yes, great cliffhanging chapter finish too, makes this a real page turner. good effort. impressive....

[MR_BERG]

Very interesting start. I hope readers aren't subjected to the old guy too often or for too long of a time, because his speech patterns and word choices are very irritating and a little confusing.

I like the little surprise of the lab rat boy.

I look forward to the next chapters.

[Lourisa]

I finally got to this - sorry it took me so long but this is great Vanessa! You obviously
have no problem getting and holding the reader's attention. Gonna make some hot chocolate later, curl up an read more - can't wait! Well done.

[Jennifer]

This is a really good introduction to your story. I haven't read any other part of it yet, but I feel compelled to read more! I think it seems like a terrific start!

[Matthew vonHone]

I feel like I may be reiterating what's already been said, but I do feel like there is some room for further detail. It feels like there's something missing from the scene with the board members. Try to draw the reader into the discussion. Detail can help.
Also, remember that for the reader, dialog should be part of it's own paragraph.

EG:
Sally walked into the room with Ritchie. Meeting Bethany a conversation began.
"Hi, All," said Bethany.
"Hey B," replied Sally sadly.
"What's his issue?" Bethany asked indicating Richard.

It's not that it's wrong, it's just easier for the reader to follow the conversation.
It also gives readers the impression that your book is a "page turner".

Just my two cents ... hope it helps.

Matt

[Kevin Horsley]

Intriguing beginning to the story, well presented. Has an X-Files flavour to it, shadowy dealings etc.

[Fabric Pulse]

Beautifully designed! And your headline author note, so good for an add in. I'm excited to finish reading what you make of this.

[Lynx's-Reality]

Wow, the way you were able to continue the action throughout your paragraph left me, the reader, no choice but to continue. It does get a bit hazy around the discussion of the "experiments" but one can see right away the predicament you are putting the narrator in. I am left with this sense of wanting to read more to find out what happens! Is death really the solution for he salvation of all man kind? And, prey-tale, is putting mankind at risk to be "forced" to do experiments on humans? Great start and can't wait to read more!

[Cody McGeary]

Like many others have said, I am hooked. I cant wait to read the next chapter.

I feel you need to watch out for sentences that repeat themselves and run-on like the following:
"Stopping in front of the door, the man fumbled around in his pocket until he found what was needed. A keycard, white and blank, except for the logo of an all-seeing eye in the middle of a circular DNA strand, was what he sought."

I think if you ended the sentence at "DNA strand" it would have made the sentence flow better. Plus we already know the keycard was what he was looking for because the first sentence already stated that "he found what he needed." But that is just my opinion. I hope it helps.

[Patches I'm not so new..]

I great introduction nothing is given away making the reader want to pursue the stoty and see how it turns out great lead-in!

[Erinne S.]

This was a good thing to add to this story. Definitely gave a look to the experiment itself, and who is behind it. I am really liking this whole story so far, you two have definitely caught my attention with this! You guys have great talent and I am looking forward to reading more as you get it written.

~Erinne