THE ONLINE AUCTION SITE

It can be addictive...

I joined an online auction site

A month or two ago.

I’d heard it was a clever way

To make some extra dough.

My house was full of clutter,

And I needed to get rid.

I thought I could create some space,

While earning a few quid.

 

I sorted out the spare room,

And found my old treadmill.

I’d bought it hoping to get fit -

But it just made me ill!

I found a pile of comics,

And some clothes that didn’t fit.

Well, all of those could go,

And I might earn a little bit.

 

I went up to the attic,

And found some baby things,

Bags of clothes and teddies,

Feeding cups and teething rings.

Well, all of those could go,

My parenting days are done.

My children are grown up now,

They’ve left home and moved on.

 

I went into the kitchen,

And I had a poke around.

I knew that in there

Lots of unused gadgets would be found.

There was a yogurt maker,

And a bread making machine,

A fancy cocktail shaker,

And an oversized tureen.

I’ve never even used them,

They’re brand new in the box.

And whatever made me purchase

Three electric woks?

 

I went down to the garden shed,

And found a painting kit,

Which promised you could decorate,

And make light work of it.

It’s supposed to paint a ceiling,

Without making a mess.

But when I tried, the paint ran down my arm,

And down my dress!

 

I found some more old bric-a-brac,

And some assorted tat,

A set of rusty golf clubs,

And an ugly china cat.

I listed them all on the site,

And watched the bids roll in!

I felt so glad I hadn’t

Chucked the lot into the bin.

 

Then when the auctions ended,

And the buyers had all paid,

I posted all the items. 

What a lot of cash I’d made!

My home had loads of extra space,

It seemed a whole lot bigger.

And when I checked my bank balance,

I saw a healthy figure!

 

But then I started browsing

Around the auction site,

At other people’s listings,

Some sounded quite alright...

I placed a bid on someone’s

Part worn exercise machine,

A pre-loved ice cream maker,

And a vintage Chinese screen.

A pile of books, some CD’s,

And a 1960’s lamp,

A limited edition disc

Of Lady and the Tramp,

A pair of shoes, a dress or two,

A thing to trim a beard...

And very soon, my new-found space

Completely disappeared!

 

My house has been re-cluttered! 

Oh, how could I be so rash?

I’ll have to have another sale -

I’m nearly out of cash!

Author's Note

If you enjoyed this poem, why not check out my new book entitled, ‘Things Can Only Get Verse' - a collection of humorous poems on a variety of subjects, including: social network addiction, self-service checkout machines, having a hangover, internet dating, dieting, online auctions, getting older, and more. Available on Amazon for only £4.00/$6.00. Life is more fun when it rhymes!

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

If you've still got one of those electric woks, I'll buy it from you. (just as soon as I sell my old one) What on earth would we do without all our stuff? Whereas some people are hoarders, I only keep important stuff, like every screw, nut, bolt, washer, and assorted do-dad I find lying on the road. You've done another humorous exploration of our human condition, Viv.

[Viv Wade]

Well, I hate getting rid of stuff, but when I start running out of space it becomes a necessity! I've bought no end of exercise machines on Ebay - I'll buy a treadmill, promising myself I'll use it every day. Of course, I don't use it more than twice, so I sell it as it's taking up too much space. Then a couple of months later, I'll buy an exercise bike and the same thing happens again! Good old Ebay!

[JoeM]

We're all suckers for a smooth line. I think we have all been guilty of being tantalized into an indiscreet purchase, but I'm pleased you have a way of rectifying this frailty.

[Viv Wade]

It's a vicious circle - sell stuff - buy stuff - sell stuff - buy stuff... At least it's keeping the Post Office busy!