WOULD LIKE TO MEET

Profiles on online dating sites can be misleading...

I’d been single for a while,

So I thought I’d like to meet

A lovely handsome fella,

Who would sweep me off my feet.

I had a go at speed dating,

But it wasn’t for me,

The men I met were boring,

And one guy was eighty-three!

I went to a few singles nights,

But without much success,

There was one man who asked me out -

But he was in a dress!

 

And then a friend suggested

That I join a dating site.

She said, “They’ll match your profile,

So you could meet Mister Right!”

And so I joined ‘Would Like To Meet’. 

Filled out the online profile,

With questions like ‘what colour eyes?’

And ‘are you fierce, or docile?’

I uploaded a photo,

(One that made me look quite young!)

Then waited for some messages. 

It didn’t take too long.

 

I had quite a few emails,

Though some of them seemed weird,

One had tattoos on his face,

And one had a pink beard!

But then I got an email

From a very handsome man,

We shared a lot of interests,

He said his name was Dan.

We exchanged several messages,

And chatted on the phone.

I felt that I had met ‘the one’ -

I need not be alone!

 

So we arranged a rendezvous

Where Dan and I could meet.

I got there a bit early,

And looked up and down the street.

I gazed around for handsome Dan,

So tall and slim and dark,

But no one fitted that description,

Standing near the park.

The only person waiting

Was a short, fat, hairless man,

Holding a bunch of roses,

Leaning up against a van.

 

Maybe Dan was running late? 

I was a little early,

Then the short, fat fella said,

“Hello, you must be Shirley!”

I stared at him in horror,

This chap wasn’t my dream man!

He seemed to read my thoughts,

He said, “Hello, it’s me, I’m Dan.”

 

I said, “I’ve been misled! 

I thought you were tall, slim and dark!”

He said, “I know,

I used a photo of my best friend Mark.

I thought if I was honest,

Then you wouldn’t want to know.

But now that we’re both here,

Well, shall we just give it a go?”

“OK,” I said, “I might as well,

I’ve nothing else to do.”

He said, “I’ve booked a table

At that restaurant, ‘Taboo’”.

We went on to the restaurant,

The food was very nice,

Dan insisted that he would pay,

Regardless of the price.

He paid me every compliment,

He made me feel so fine,

I felt a little giddy,

And it wasn’t just the wine!

He made me feel appreciated,

Special, like a lady.

He had such perfect manners,

And he didn’t slurp his gravy!

 

I was rather bowled over

By his flattery and charm,

And when we left the restaurant,

We walked home arm in arm.

He asked if we could meet again,

And so I said, “Yes please!”

(Though when we kissed goodnight,

I had to bend down at the knees!)

 

Since then, we’ve been on lots of dates,

Dan’s such a perfect gent.

He pays me loads of compliments,

They’re all sincerely meant.

I soon began to realise

That though Dan’s only small,

In terms of personality,

He’s over six feet tall!

He may not be a looker,

But he’s perfect in my eyes,

I wanted a dream fella,

And I think I’ve won the prize.

 

So if you’re feeling lonely,

And want to find a lover,

Bear one thing in mind -

‘Never judge a book by its cover’.

Author's Note

If you enjoyed this poem, why not check out my new book entitled, ‘Things Can Only Get Verse' - a collection of humorous poems on a variety of subjects, including: social network addiction, self-service checkout machines, having a hangover, internet dating, dieting, online auctions, getting older, and more. Available on Amazon for only £4.00/$6.00. Life is more fun when it rhymes!

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good story in the poem leaving the reader with a positive ending.
"So if you’re feeling lonely, and you want to find a lover,
Bear one thing in mind - ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’."
Above words. Great wisdom. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry and tale.
Coyote

[Viv Wade]

Thanks Coyote, glad you enjoyed it!

[Coyote Poetry]

I did and you are welcome.

[JoeM]

Splendid, Viv. The 'deep knee bends' mean you'll never have to pay gym fees.
Who could ever have depression when with a few choice rhymes you'd send them packing.

[Viv Wade]

I've heard so many tales of people being misled by online dating profiles, and it usually doesn't end well, so I thought I'd write about it and give it a happy ending! Thanks for reading and commenting again, Joe.

[Chris]

You've a good sense of heart... and a "niceness" about you.

[Viv Wade]

Aw shucks, how nice of you to say I'm nice - that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me! :)

[JoeM]

Wonderful. Marvellous. I, like you, prefer the rhyming stuff best. Somehow, it's more fun. In fact I'm not sure you could be seriouly serious in rhyme, anyway not the way I'd rhyme things.

[Viv Wade]

Yes, poetry should rhyme, it's cheating when it doesn't! I don't think I could write serious poetry to save my life - when I'm trying to think of a rhyming word, something silly always pops into my head!

[Samuel Dickens]

Viv, I love this. I thought it would be a horror story all the way through, but it turned out happy! There are a lot of good lines, but I especially liked "he didn't slurp his gravy".

[Viv Wade]

Well, of all the things a woman looks for in a man, not slurping his gravy is probably one of the most important ones!