How I met your Mother and what happened after.

if i had to explain it to my son, it wouldnt take 8 seasons. but it is a long story, an honest story. of course, when he gets old enough to understand this story im cutting parts out.

 Son, it was the winter of 2009. Your dad was sitting in his room on his laptop when he decided tog et onto myspace. back in your dads younger years, myspace was what facebook and twitter are today. It was this particular day your father had a friend request from a very beautiful woman. She had gotten out of a very bad relationship and was looking for someone to talk to.

 

Now back in that time, I had a tendency to try and help everyone and anyone when they had a problem, including people i really didnt know. It as well didnt help that this woman was very attractive. Im talking long brown hair, beautiful green eyes, soft lips and a great attitude, a great personality. This woman just so happened to be your mom, and while we've come a long way...and maybe when youre old enough to understand this things still wont be any better, i can promise you this day changed my life in a way ill always appreciate and never regret.

 

It was superbowl sunday that year, when me and your mom first talked. I dont remember much of what was said, but i found her interesting. Now son what you need to understand is that before your mother, i was terrible with women. Always the friend and never the dating material, always shy to even try to ask a woman out. With your mom, however, it came naturally. falling in love with her came naturally, asking her out came naturally. Our first date was a week after we met...to see Underworld, not much of a date movie but your mom loved it. It was the first time I drove to Hooversville and i got lost, imagine that eh? It was the first time i had met your mom face to face. There was something about her then that just felt right. The rest of the night went pretty smoothly, and a day or two later we were planning on spending valentines day together.

 

Valentines day, a day i had come to ignore over the years. On valentines day of 09 i had found myself filled with a certain giddyness. It was the first time i had ever cuddled with your mom, with any woman for that matter. I tell you son, youll experience alot of good things in a relationship...but nothing ever beats the cuddling. That night we went with a second couple to see "He's Just Not that Into You". We sat in the back, and i remember looking at your mom, and for the first time, taking reign over my life and kissing her. I was more than nervous when i went in for it, but it was worth every moment, as was every kiss i ever shared with your mom. That night i took your mom home, and upon pulling into the driveway, i kissed her some more. I still remember your mom crying, worrying that id change. I promised her id never leave her, that id always love her.

 

The thing you need to understand son, is that before me, your mom had a tendency of getting truly hurt. She got together with guys who used her, didnt love her, and it affected her. It caused her to build walls against everyone. But i did my best to help tear down those walls. For a short period of time, i thought i was.

 

Around March or april, your mother became interested in someone else. a boy too young to be right for her...and she began to question whther or not your dad was who she wanted to be with, she wondered what else was out there. Your father had plans of trying to make things last with your mom...even after only 3 months. I guess you could say your dad was a bit of an optimist. Your mom left and pursued a relationship with the young man.

 

Something you should know about your dad, he had a friend in high school, a woman who he had had a crush on for ages. This girl however, was never interested in your old man,and so the 2 remained friends over the years. When your dad met your mom, he stopped paying as much attention s he used to to this female friend of his. He was in love with a brown haired green eyed woman who wanted him, and he had no interest in his friend.

 

Of course it was when I met your mom, that this woman chose to be interested in me. Despite what your mom ever says, however, she did not try to ruin your mom and dads relationship at this point. But, when your mom left to see another man, your dad made his first mistake, the mistake which would ultimately lead to much heartbreak and pain.

 

When your mom left, I was devastated, and turned to the first person i thought might make me feel better, the female friend from high school. of course, i was still in love with your mom. i knew that if she found out i was spending time with this woman, even though your mom had left me, it would affect her decision to even consider coming back to me. Because i didnt want to lose your mom for good, i made my first mistake, and i lied to her about spending time with this woman.

 

One thing youll learn about your mom kiddo, you cant keep secrets from her, she found out who i was spending time with, found out the kind of flirty things i was saying to her, found out i had kissed her, and it shattered your mothers trust in me up until the day she left the second time and beyond. Yes your mother came back, to this day i dont know why. Part of me thinks it was just to get back at the other girl who she hated so much, but a part of me would like to think your mother loved me, just as a part of me would like to believe now your mother still loves me.

 

from there things went as normal as i could get them to be. me and your mom stuck it out. we went camping often, went to see your gordon family members and spent alot of time together. But she continued to hold a grudge against me for my mistake, and threatend quite often to leave again. Until february of 2010

 

February 1st 2010 marked 2 important things in my life. It was my 1 year anniversarry of being with your mom, and it was the day i was told that i was going to be a father. Life looked bright, i was in college, i had your mother to cuddle next to, and you were coming into my life.

 

There were a few hiccups in the 9 months leading up to your birth bud, mostly regarding my mishandling of telling my parents the good news, this, among other things, leaded to your mom not really liking your grandparents. I doubt if she'll ever understand it wasnt their fault, it was mine.

 

Apart from that, those 9 months were spent working, going to school, and planning. i went to baby classes with your mom, doctors appointments, ultrasounds, baby showers. When i wasnt doing any of that, i was merely spending time with your mom. talking about our plans for you, our life together, and on september 21st, i stood my your moms side, holding her hand, as we brought the most important thing in either of our lives into this world...you.

 

I wish i could say that life from there was perfect, but im sorry. I continued going to school and work and would sleep through the night when your mother would constantly get up in the middle of the night to feed you. well she did breast feed you so i couldnt feed you myself, but what irritated your mom the most was that she just wanted the company.

 

Your dad has a lot of love in his heart kiddo, but in those first few months of your life, your dad was immature. He loved your mom, he appreciated her and worshipped her, but he didnt show it as much as he should have. he didnt help her out in those critical first few months as much as he should have.

 

Meanwhile, your mother still hated the girl your dad went to high school with, and wished for me to rip into her, call her nasty names and hurt her just to make sure she stayed away. I, however, felt that just leaving her be and trying to let everyone live their life should have been sufficient, i felt that i loved your mom, and that being with her shoulda been the ultimate sign that i desired her over all other women. It wasnt enough.

 

Eventually...the girl from high school continued to play her games, never saying anything to your dad or your mom, never trying hard enough, but just enough that your mom would notice and your mom was beginning to shut down and build her walls up and so, to try and show your mom just how important she was to him, and what his intentions were, your old man bought an engagement ring for your mom...thinking he could afford it.

 

2011 began in a downward spiral for me kiddo. First i lost my job, with no job i had no money to pay for your mothers engagement ring and thus had to return it. Sometimes i feel if i hadnt returned it your mother woulda stayed. Over the next month or 2, your mother just stopped caring, and eventually, she left, taking you along with her.

 

Son, you learn alot about yourself when you lose something. Who you were, who you should have been, what you should have done. You spend alot of time wondering what if...wishing you could do things differently. i spent months asking your mom to come back. each time being more rejected than before. and after much time, your mother did something hat hurt your dad so much...she decided to take you and move way to pittsburgh to live with someone she had only known for a very brief period of time.

 

It was when you and your mom left that your dad made the second biggest mistake. See your dad hadnt talked to the high school friend for close to 2 years now....and he was begnning to wonder if he could move on from your mom, wondering how things woulda gone had he chose her over your mother and if taking your mom back all those years ago had been the right choice for his life, and he decided to date her.

 

Your mom hated me for this, saying that she had been considering coming back, and that now she never would. All the meanwhile your father tried to change how he felt, to forget his love for your mom. But no matter how hard he tried, no matter what he did, your mother never left his thoughts. He compared the 2 women at every step and when he looked at her, the amount of love he had for your mom just wasnt there.....the type of love making your dad had with your mom wasnt there, interest faded rapidly and eventually....your dad stopped trying to forget, stopped trying to make it work, and started to cut off the false attempt of a relationship. This pleased your mom, but she still held a grudge against your old man for the mistakes he made, not caring that he had found his answer and as much pain as it brought him, it also brought him a certain content to know that he had been right all along, to know that the road he took when he chose your mother was the only road he could have or even should have taken.

 

As I write this, your mom still hates me. She lives with a guy who doesnt truly appreciate her, who doesnt love her the way she deserves, and who is unfaithful to her, if not physically, emotionally. Despite what your mom says, what she thinks, i want you to know i have always loved your mom, and i always will. nobody else ever meant to me what she does.

 

It is my fault that she no longer cares though and im sorry. This is my apology to you and her kiddo. Im sorry if you never have the perect family i had planned for us, im sorry i failed in the only job that really mattered before you and that was making your mother happy. Im sorry for the mistakes i made and the pain i caused and i wish i could take every bad moment back. Im sorry if i never get another chance to fix everything and make her happy, im sorry if i never succeed in getting her to fall in love with me again. Nikolas, im sorry i messed our family up. Im sorry that i cant be there every day to see every little thing you learn and do. and if i never get a second chance then im sorry ill never get to come home to you and your mom from work and help out with your homework and im sorry for ever day of play that ill miss. But please remember that no matter what your mother feels for me....you and her will always be my everything.

 

dont make my same mistakes when you get older son. dont lose the most important things to you because you didnt try your hardest to make it work, dont learn the lesson when its too late to take the exam. You're not going to be just any boy, you're my son. treat women with respect, love one more than anything and when you find the woman who is right for you who makes you a better man, do everything you can to keep her in your arms, because believe me when i say that there is no better feeling in the world, than waking up with a wonderful woman in your arms.

 

Just as well, id like to thank you and your mom, because for every bad decision, and every hurtful thing, there was a million great things. Id like to thank your mom for changing me, im sorry i didnt change when it mattered, when it woulda kept her in my arms, but i thank her for changing me at all to be a better man...for you and her. id like to thank her for that first kiss, and all of the kisses after. Id like to thank her for the happiness she brought me everyday i was with her. Id like to thank her for all of the memories and stories, from singing acdc in her car and listening to herr ipod, to watching the dark knight on a small ipod screen while cuddling in the den on a cold february night...yeah, i especially want to thank her for the warmth she gave me on those cold february nights, the trip to bedford walmart with her cousins to get spray cheese and oreos.I thank her for being there for me on some of my worst days, and letting me share some of her best. Nik, i thank you for the joy you bring me each time i see you, for the laughs and fun and happiness that fills me when i get to spend time with you. I thank you for being a smart, adorable, wonderful, healthy baby boy and i know one day youll grow up to be a better man than me.

 

thank you, to the both of you for everything.