Persistantly Jealous

confusion of the jealous emotions that run within~.

What is this emotion
rarely have I ever felt it so strong
vague, quick, in a blink of an eye over with

yet why has it not left yet?

Taunting, teasing
eating at me from the inside
growing every moment

Why do you persist to stay?

my eyes noticed your existence
you were nothing special but made by a higher being
normal in every human way
a nice smile and a friendly feeling

an add from a social network

chit chat
exchanged flirts
flattery thrown at me
but that was not it that got me hooked

How come I have not reached that level?

I began to notice my inner admiration of you
younger than I by a year
yet much more have you achieved
seen more places
traveled more than I
confident of who you are

Was that the real start?

Within time something slapped me
a crush was formed innocent and silly
taken by the attention given
pleased with the common ground
found myself smiling when thoughts of you crossed my mind
but nothing was expected

So why did it hurt to be rejected when I did not pursue?

Was it possible my pride was hurt
was it another notch to my belt of self esteem
did you want something less
was it who I was that scared you
am i really too innocent to be around
or are you really just another male

Why do I feel ignored?

the talk had ceased
no late chit chats
though I remember my words
my promise to be there
friends we can be
no bitter emotions, no hatred

Yet I am feeling this  constant emotion...why?

This other person is capable more than I
every day seems to be a better day when they are involved in your life
as a friend i keep posted
and every time i take notice of you
the emotion begins to run up again

Why can't I control it?

it annoys me, perturbs me
shakes me up
lowers my self esteem
brings down my mood
Jealousy... I am jealous

But of what?

am I hurt that i am no longer talked to after you found someone that makes you happy
saddened that what i thought might be good friendship was just a game
a play of flirts no longer interesting

Could it be you?

jealous that you have done more
seen more
more skilled
more free than I

Could it be the attention?

am I desperate for the attention
is it the other is talked to more
am i no longer seen

Have I become invisible?

rejected without trying
only speaking when something might be wrong
letting myself stay in the background

Why won't it stop?

I have accepted the rejection
accepted no longer being talked to
accepted the person who you
accepted your skills and achievements

So then why can't i shake this feeling of jealousy ?

every time i hear good news it strikes again
screaming its little head off
all i can do is let a sigh of disappointment
what is it that i am craving
what am i lacking


Jealous.. Jealousy..
Paint me green since it won't go away.