Dusk

I love how the first layer of evening

folds so gently

into days last shades

as Orion peeks

from his soft ledge of night.

 

The sweet air of dusk

lures me to the bay

but along the way

something deepens the sky

and alerts the army of fireflies

and poor dusk

is soon forgotten.

Reviews

[Sabine]

You write,

I love how the first layer of evening

folds so gently

This implication of Dusk as a layer that leads to Dusk forgotten and the 'prelude' of Orion 'peeking' as a consquential losing of Dusk is just incredible! Sabine*

[poetic soul]

and the poor dusk is soon forgotten :'(

may be thats the fate of the dusk.....

wonderfully expressed...

nice choice of words....

loved the metaphors too... :)

loved it.....

Regards,
Poetic Soul

[Doctor Deathstab]

That was awesome imagery and an excellent use of words. The thing I like about short poems is that they are more likely to have more power because they come in a short burst. When you write a longer poem there's more of a chance of the writer becoming long winded and repetitive.

[AK]

This is gorgeous. Merry Christmas.

[Creepy Swine Guy]

With winter upon us like a pit bull on a pork chop, I had forgotten how magical dusk can be. You work with words like Picasso works with colors. You paint a picture of a place where I long to be.

[Voltaire Mephisto (aka ..]

Dusk is actually my favorite time of day. To write a poem dedicated to it is sublime.

[J.P.O.et]

The first 3 lines are superb,

'I love how the first layer of evening
folds so gently
into days last shades'

I would suggest taking those lines and concentrating and building off them.
The rest is decent too, but I love where you were going with the layering and folding.
Checking in on a favorite, I hope all is well

J.P.O.et

[Michael]

I really like this. You express dusk exactly as I see it. I have nothing, nothing to suggest in the way of improvement, that would take an angle or god!

Well done!

[Leah Simone]

The magic of fireflies is captivating - one could forget the world watching the flickers in the darkness.
Lovely calm to this poem - meditative in many ways.

[Trée]

Oh I love to smile and this poem is just full of cheek aching grin. I regret not greeting the night tonight or saying hello to my army of fireflies. Will poor dusk forgive me or my forgetfulness? I have a feeling I'll get another chance. Now, not to blow it. :-)

Wonderful poem. :-)