Once

 

Once

Once I shouldered a weighty world
Believing it my burden.
I scurried and chided
Loved and lost the essence of me.

Once in my youth
I held a wisdom of an ancient realm
But knew not where it should lie.
So I buried it safely
Within the crevices of my heart.

Little did I know
It would bleed and harden
Over and over
Pressing it further away
From awareness
Into a black psychic hole.

Once I was born to be needed
And need would draw me to itself
Metal to magnet.
Perhaps I fancied myself a savior
Although ego would not permit
Acknowledgement of this.

Once nightly, I would draw
Strength from the moon
Replenishing what was lost
And the Gods of fire and sun
Would smile upon me
With sparks and flames.

It was all just a terrible distraction
Serving to deny my need.
One day I awoke
Not recognizing myself.

Once, a friend asked me
To define myself,
Goals, dreams, passions.
Challenging me to describe
Myself without including others.
I was as lost as the souls
I so intensely tried to help.

These days, my shoulders are tired
But in their weakened state
Lies the wisdom I had buried
So long ago.

Transformed, I now sit
Rising sun to my East
Fading moon to my West
More aware than ever before
Of the burdens of self sacrifice
And the cost of distraction.

Today I still draw strength
From the moon
The God of sun and Fire
Still smile upon me
The road narrows and winds
Ahead never revealing
The next corners
But wonder has replaced fear
And in the gentle moments of solitude
I hear my song.

Reviews

[Toni Prehoda Kahler]

"More aware than ever before
Of the burdens of self-sacrifice
And the cost of distraction."

I have some sort of visceral understanding, especially getting "the cost of distraction". The larger theme of seeing yourself as a saviour of sorts to others while just as lost, while not being able to define who you are, unable to access your "goals, dreams, passions" is potent (In these words I see my mother - I am sad) I love your transformation stanzas, and how you, through weariness, weakness, uncover your inner wisdom. "But wonder has replaced fear" . I find recognition in much of this piece, thank you for this.

[lost girl]

I just love this, have from the first moment I read it:} I still don't get the point system around here but a trillion falling stars to lay at your feet and carry you back up into the sky.