August 2000

Aug 3

 

Went to my English summer school class today. A teacher brought us some clothes to dress up for a play we are going to be performing. The boys wore hats and Nadia got herself into a long skirt. We had to practice some singing and she started "dancing" around in that skirt and with a castanet. That looked beyond stupid! Everyone was giggling without being obvious and then she suddenly walked out. Someone asked "where is she?" and I said that she must be practicing her dancing skills. "And looking in the mirror" - someone added. And we all conspicuously laughed. That was fun.

 

Aug 5

 

We had the play at the English school today. And what do you think? For some reason every event that we have had at the school turns out bad. This time it seemed ok at the beginning. I had practiced a lot and was happy with my voice and clothes. But it was so unfair! In the very beginning I made a mistake - said a wrong line! I was upset after that and felt like I ruined everything. The others did well, although the timing was wrong and that affected things. I felt so terrible! And everything had been recorded on camera! I was the worst. Even worse than Nadia. She did better than during practice. My personality is pretty bad in this sense! But it is understandable. I wanted to make a very good play to show to everyone.

 

Aug 13

 

Today we had to clean the house because we were expecting guests. Well, I did most of the cleaning because dad was cooking. I cleaned for about 5 hours straight. The guests came at 6. Out of the kids, there were two girls of 11 and 16 (sisters), Daria and Kate. I met them for the first time a few days ago. We played cards because there was nothing better to do and it was boring. And I was so annoyed! These girls were so bold! They looked at everything and touched whatever they pleased without asking! They even took my hamster out of her cage! How rude! They guests left at 10, leaving a heap of dirty dishes. That didn't feel fair. Although I guess the guests aren't normally expected to wash up... Felt sorry for dad. He even went to his work later! I didn't sleep straight away either and read a book. (I ended up washing all the dishes up the next day and dad was very happy when he came back from work and saw it).

 

It occurred to me that even if I go to Russia next year, everyone would be 15 already (there were a few girls there that I played with and all were a year older than me)! And that's only a year younger than Kate and I can't imagine her playing "Genie" or a "Restaurant"! Such a pity... But no, I don't feel like it's hopeless. Although I don't know how, those days, when we played shops in my play corner and ran around the streets and the old morgue 3 years ago cannot be irretrievable! I want to go home! And also I really want to experience life as it is described in my books. I always envy the children in the books who have a lot of friends in the neighbourhood and they would climb into each other's windows at night by climbing up a tree branch, they play and fight... My dad (and probably mum too) have had it similarly. And then it must have only been possible in the old days, like 20-30 years ago. But nevertheless I will experience it too one day. If this is what I really want and believe in it. I wonder, what would one think if they were to read these lines? Perhaps even I can see how it is a bit silly but I do believe these things.

 

Aug 14

 

I went to Yuki's in the afternoon. We explored the internet and practiced some aerobics with a video. Yuki showed me a porn site. The photos on it!! Only real idiots can shoot themselves like this! There were women licking each other! That's even more stupid than Nadia! Amazing what people end up doing for money! Can they actually like this? They are stupid in any case!