Fairy Tale

I wrote this in 8th grade.

Once upon a time……… in a land very, very near there were six princesses. The princesses’ names were Arielle, Jasmine, Cinderella, Belle, Aurora, and Ally Schuckman (a real life small town girl).
The princesses were often caught fighting with each other for the fight for the throne of their small kingdom, that is, all except Ally Schuckman, Arielle and Cinderella. They were the quiet kind. They were sometimes the lowest on the food chain.  
So after a whole bunch of fighting and bickering the group decided to make their own countries. So now they have stopped fighting and are all best buds.

Reviews

[Pinki Girl]

It's very simple, even for eighth grade, take that from an eighth grader. You do need more body to it, you have a topic sentence then the ending comes shortly after. I can see that you used Disney princess names - Ariel is spelled wrong. And the character that you made up, giver her a backstory, how is she a princess? - born?, married?

[Brittany]

Uh...interesting. I feel like the top part is the opening to a story. And then you just end it. How about a middle? And some description and dialogue.