Suffocating

Looking for acceptance and not finding it

                         Suffocating

I can't breathe, there is no air,
You stand there wearing your condescention,
Like a sickeningly sweet perfume,
Sucking out the air ,
From my traitorous lungs.

 

I  kneel, mute, like a million times before,
Struck dumb in your presence,
A force of habit,
Lessons taught their legacy remains,
My need for your acceptance cuts me off at the knees.

 

I have stood in this graveyard,
Of my dreams,
And chiseled recognition on every tombstone,
That you demanded I put up,
To remember to never forget that I am not worthy .

 

How did I end up here,
Choking on my own bitter existence,
I have courted this conclusion,
With reckless abandon,
My pride flayed by your scathing tones.

 

What has life bourne me,but a mirror held to my face,
Guaging my inadequacies ?
I will be better than this, better than you,
And you will see me and acknowledge,
If only  to yourself, if never to me.

Author's Note

Battling with my demons

Reviews

[m.s.early]

I kneel, mute, like a million times before,
Struck dumb in your presence,
A force of habit,
Lessons taught their legacy remains,
My need for your acceptance cuts me off at the knees.

We can be addicted to certain kind of sadness. Emotional dependency? Are we born to inherently recognize that we are not all that we could be? If so does that inspire us to become more than what we are for ourselves, or seek validation in others for a facade of qualification?

What has life bourne me,but a mirror held to my face,
Guaging my inadequacies ?
I will be better than this, better than you,
And you will see me and acknowledge,
If only to yourself, if never to me.

It takes an unimaginable amount of strength to escape from the emotional abuse we become dependent upon. But the last line is an acknowledgement of a hurdle that must be understood before the escape can occur. We must recognize that what others internalize may never be expressed. We must use the love that we have for ourselves as a qualifier, and not what we assume to be their disposition.

This write will be great inspiration to those that have experienced the emotions you have so well penned.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you so much for this remarkable review Xavier.It is deeply appreciated :)

[Neon]

This write's seemed a bit related to your write "Who conquered who." As you know "Neon" hates seeing someone as beautiful as you feel sad. So, would you allow me to ask you what happened with an angel.. why an angel's feeling so suffocating??

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you friend Neon your words always make me smile:>)

[Neon]

My pleasure but i think i'd asked you something if you'd read my review carefully?

[Vidya Bacchus]

Yes i did and got no answers for you.Feeling better now thanks for asking you are a nice friend:)

[Neon]

Thank God! Your now feeling better because I hate seeings angels bad at all.
Ah! I know am nice but you ain't less than any beautiful angel either :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

.............................:)

[Sami Khalil]

It is really hard not to find acceptance and recognition for who we are and see our inner worth and beauty...A splendid read and write...:)............

[Vidya Bacchus]

Much thanks sami:)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)...................

[Praveeta]

An outstanding effort from a great poet. Thanks for creating a lovely piece.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you Praveeta :)

[Praveeta]

You are most welcome.

[Lydia Shutter]

You have chosen the absolutely perfect word to describe the emotion. All the air is squeezed out of a sou when the world is cruel. One feels as if being attacked from the inside and worthless. The truth is, though, the most important acceptance is self acceptance. Without it, we can never be satisfied with our looks, our successes, and our lives. Unfortunately we are our own worst enemies. If someone else is pointing out your inadequacies, I suggest you ban them from your Universe. After all, you are the Queen of your world! Extremely powerful work here. Lydi**

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you very much:)

[Baby Ricochet]

Intense passionate and painful. Great write

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you Baby:)

[Joyce S. Greene]

Very strong poetry, Vidya. Tremendously moving work.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you Joyce:)

[Ice]

This left me feeling speechless.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you Ice that is after all the reaction we aim for lol

[Sanober]

This is a really powerful write... there just couldn't have been a better expression. "suffocating" is exactly how it would feel in a situation like this. really wonderful use of metaphors.hard hitting and gut-wrenching. Loved this line "You stand there wearing your condescention,
Like a sickeningly sweet perfume". Wow!! i believe we are stronger than our demons....i wish you all the strength to win this battle. Great write here, my friend.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you sanober.I believe we are stronger than our demons too but some days are harder than others:)

[Penny]

Truly, its hard to convince urself than the whole world that you are wprth sumthing. Very nyc write.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you much sweet penny your words are true:)

[Penny]

Ur Welcum. & sure my words r as true as dat poem.

[Vidya Bacchus]

.........................:)

[Laminators Dubai]

i got no words for this.....just magnificent! i think you can win this battle and hope you will my friend.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you my friend glitch your words mean a lot:)

[Laminators Dubai]

i always welcome you by my heart and i wish you my best.^^