Suffocating

Looking for acceptance and not finding it

                         Suffocating

I can't breathe, there is no air,
You stand there wearing your condescention,
Like a sickeningly sweet perfume,
Sucking out the air ,
From my traitorous lungs.

 

I  kneel, mute, like a million times before,
Struck dumb in your presence,
A force of habit,
Lessons taught their legacy remains,
My need for your acceptance cuts me off at the knees.

 

I have stood in this graveyard,
Of my dreams,
And chiseled recognition on every tombstone,
That you demanded I put up,
To remember to never forget that I am not worthy .

 

How did I end up here,
Choking on my own bitter existence,
I have courted this conclusion,
With reckless abandon,
My pride flayed by your scathing tones.

 

What has life bourne me,but a mirror held to my face,
Guaging my inadequacies ?
I will be better than this, better than you,
And you will see me and acknowledge,
If only  to yourself, if never to me.

Author's Note

Battling with my demons

Reviews

[m.s.early]

I kneel, mute, like a million times before,
Struck dumb in your presence,
A force of habit,
Lessons taught their legacy remains,
My need for your acceptance cuts me off at the knees.

We can be addicted to certain kind of sadness. Emotional dependency? Are we born to inherently recognize that we are not all that we could be? If so does that inspire us to become more than what we are for ourselves, or seek validation in others for a facade of qualification?

What has life bourne me,but a mirror held to my face,
Guaging my inadequacies ?
I will be better than this, better than you,
And you will see me and acknowledge,
If only to yourself, if never to me.

It takes an unimaginable amount of strength to escape from the emotional abuse we become dependent upon. But the last line is an acknowledgement of a hurdle that must be understood before the escape can occur. We must recognize that what others internalize may never be expressed. We must use the love that we have for ourselves as a qualifier, and not what we assume to be their disposition.

This write will be great inspiration to those that have experienced the emotions you have so well penned.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you so much for this remarkable review Xavier.It is deeply appreciated :)

[Just Jayren]

This is the definition of fantastic... I mean how your brain must function to capture every ideal and place it beautifully in words... And endless struggle forced upon us by social values, resulting in many questioning their place... Utterly brilliant

[Vidya Bacchus]

Well that is one of the nicest reviews I have ever gotten.Thank you very much :)

[Rod Dangers]

Wow, I felt a real sense of resilience and determination. Really well written and shows a growing maturity from the first to last stanza.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thnk you Mr dangers I am most glad to get your kind review :)

[Rod Dangers]

You are most welcome, I will be taking a look around at your other pieces. :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you I will of course do the same :)

[Daniel Sala]

What a strong poem, great style, powerful words and the ideas are beautifully conveyed. A tragic delight to read. Marvellous work, Vidya. the words knock the reader backwards with blow after blow of lucidity of human nature.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Ah came up for air did you my friend? Thank you for your kind words and I have hit a writer's block for the new year d****t!!.As ever nice to hear from you:)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A blasting piece that takes charge and leads the reader by the hand, great imagery, well done.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you very much:)

[PoetryPenPal]

I enjoyed this poem alot. It was very powerful. Thank you for posting this lovely write.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you so much for your kind words:)

[PoetryPenPal]

Your welcome. You deserve it.

[Vidya Bacchus]

.....................:)

[annabellee]

What a wonderful and truly great write. Very deep and powerful :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you:)

[annabellee]

you're most welcome :)

[00000000000000000000000..]

That was really deep Vidya The battling part with demons is not a place I ever wish to see in my life again, I understand it all very well. Last night I looked back and said why God did I do such a thing. Glad to feel whole again:) Merry Christmas:)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you Jonathan as ever I am happy to read your sweet words:)Merry Christmas my friend:)

[0000000000000000000000000000]

Your very welcome :) Thank you again and again:)

[Vidya Bacchus]

....................:)

[Matt Sayer]

That relentless pursuit of approval, that obeisance to an unworthy liege, impaling yourself on your own sword for a mad king. Despite the self-inflicted wounds, we continue to play the pugilist, beating ourselves up to no effect. But, once we realise the inefficacy of these endeavours, we can turn that to our advantage and being true self-improvement. As you say "I will be better than this, better than you,". Very powerful and personal, Vidya. I wish you the very best :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you Matt for you wonderful words and merry christmas tou you my friend:)

[Matt Sayer]

Merry Christmas Vidya! :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Merry Christmas Matt:)

[Daffy]

Battling with demons, or indeed with life. A good description of any woman's battle with life, demons or 'men'. The ending is the all important part of this very true battle. Viz: "I will be better than this, better than you, And you will see me and acknowledge,If only to yourself, if never to me".
One must determine one's future with resolve. Well done Vidya, a good poem and well written.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Thank you my dear Lady Daffy your words as always encourage me .Merry Christmas sweet friend:)