Afraided Words

Afraided Words

Its been a while since I unlocked my words... 

I was afraid to lose my world.

The place was taken by the darkness,

The senses were blocked by a spell.

The thoughts were stolen by the future,

The house of my dreams was a hell.

A leaf of the spring was a question.

The sun in the sky with a rain.

The hope of my soul was lifted.

But, the words are not right to explain.

-Vidit V Kumar

Author's Note

Kindly do mention my mistakes and do appreciate if you like it.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

The word "afraided" sounds like mistaken grammar. If you intended to make up this word, then I can accept that, but it's a little distracting. Especially when your first line is such a powerful opening, I'm thinking of something like "Hoarding Words" or "Clutching Words" for a title . . . but feel free to ignore my ideas. The first 2 lines really grab my attention . . . feels so honest & relatable. V1 feels smoothly flowing, but V2 feels a little jagged, like the thoughts are out of sequence. This is not a bad thing, becuz it resembles the way a person would feel when the words are coming in a rough way, not making perfect sense, a little backwards & topsy-turvy. That's how V2 feels, but it feels intentional, not like bumpy writing (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Vidit V Kumar]

Yes, can understand what you meant. The V2 is written in a different mood and so as you said its not making perfect sense but somehow it pulls the upper part in there.
Thanks for reviewing it Margie.
Lot's of Love
Vidit

[Najam Us Saher]

Loved the last line above all. Words that unlock after a long time are very intense and likable.
So is this poem, likable and heart touching. Well done.

[Vidit V Kumar]

Thanks Najam. Glad you like it:)

[Lavi]

I understand and resonate strongly with your final two lines. I struggle with my poetry a lot because I struggle to place my way of thinking into the story I tell with my words. The only grammatical mistakes I have spotted (but I am by no means above average in knowing so) is your title "Afraided" but I thought perhaps that was done on purpose. This is poetry after all, and the author can get away with a lot so long as they have a powerful message.

[Vidit V Kumar]

Thanks a lot Lavi for your review. After all these are nothing but the crucial experiences of our day to day life:)