As I lay dying.

I wrote the first half of this poem one night when i was really fucked up. I ended up over dosing.. so i decided to come back and finish it.

Once addicted.
Always addicted.

They tell you can never touch the stuff again.
They tell you what will make you happy.
Even if taking the edge off keeps the
CLICK. CLACK, BOOM.
... away.

One small pill or six..
Can take every painful emotion away.
One more cigarette will help you survive.
Even if it kills you physically.

She tears me down mentally.
So fill this head full of THC,
Shoot up these dried up hungry veins with My heroine..
The b***h that used to be your heroine,
Has turned you into a burning opium fiend.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Waking up from such a nightmare..
She called me drunk, I was Fucked up.
We said some things.. I said some things.
Some hidden regrets... more than a few lies.

With one goodbye i was popping them all.
I was already rolled out, 4 more wouldnt hurt..

As i lay dying.

2 beats for every 6th of a minuet.
All breathing stops.
Lyrics play: only when the drugs are done. I feel like dying.
My eyes open.

My body is dead.
I finally did it.
I was dying.
I could hear it now.

Everyone at the funeral crying.
I saw the flames engulf my soul.
No pain was felt.

The song plays on.
One little breath to hold on.
My ears go deaf.
And i scream.

Not yet.

----this is where the lights are turned off the musics blasting. awake with glazed over eyes i keep my heart steady trying not to forget to breathe.---


I remembered her at the last moment.
Before i let myself go.
What would she say.
What was she going to think.
of me.. of what i'd done..

Would she call me weak for not being able to hold on.
Would all those long talks be in vain?
How long and how hard would she cry.
My first love and best friend wouldn't get to say goodbye.

Guilt over doses my mind more than the opium codeine in my system.
For every pill there would be a million tears.
Her voice thats so far away was screaming.
Those autumn green eyes would never be the same.

So toss and turn, sit up, smoke a cigarette to keep my heart going.
All night.
Don't forget to breathe.

Just breathe.

Author's Note

This poem is about a few nights ago.. The second half of this poem is the after math. This first part of the poem was written before i OD'd.

Reviews

[Fantasia Allmighty]

Wow, Matt, that's just wow. I hope no one ever screws with your emotion that much. For the poem; it was well written and wht makes it twice as great is that it's real! I hate that it happened to you and I hope your really okay....please send me a message and awesome poem....ur awesome matt!

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I can feel it tooo...It made me feel sad..because it makes me think you are trying to actually kill yourself...

[Micah_s5]

definitely feel it. The thought of letting someone effect you this much, really sucks though. I hate when people have such strong negative effects on my emotions. But it was definitely well written, and real.

[indieRokker]

Okay; like my review got cut off ? anyways, this... well i don't know how to take it. You have epic words; when it comes to writing. You kinda dig deep into your emotions. Nicely done ;) indie♥

[indieRokker]

...

[Rain Kissed Secret]

I liked the title, it drew me in. Interesting topic, a little sad, and disturbing in some cases, but fairly well written. I like it. Keep it up

[Vannah]

I really like this piece. I can feel the emotion.

[Valentine]

I pray that one day you wake up and realize that life is too beautiful to waste on drugs and booze..There is so much to see and enjoy without being high..Me, i get high seeing the beauty in God;s universse..lol and God bless you..Kathie

[AllyKinzz:)]

Ive always liked your writings. You put so much detail into how you feel. This piece made me feel like i was sitting there watching it all happen. Great job.

Return the favor?

[Jennika has a short att..]

Damn it, my review got jacked up >:( "minuet." switch the 'e' and 't' and that's the only mistake I saw. Keep up the awesome work, cuz your poems are flippin awesome :D