4 Things You Probably Shouldn't Say to Someone Who Has Miscarried

This is a personal opinion, so you may believe otherwise.

1.      It just wasn’t meant to be. Yes, clearly it was not meant to be or else we would still have our baby with us. Just because it was not meant to be does not mean we are not affected by the loss of it. The moment you see those lines on a pregnancy test or hear a doctor confirm that you are expecting, your whole life changes whether you want it to or not. From that moment on your only focus is on what is best for that baby, so hearing someone say it wasn’t meant to be is like getting stabbed in the heart. Yes, we know you are just trying to be supportive, but maybe we wanted it; planned or not.

2.      You can always try again/You can have another one. This one might sting the most. We know that we can try again. We know that we might have another one in the future, but that is not the point. We wanted that one. We wanted that pregnancy. Hearing someone tell you that you can just try again makes it feel as if they are telling us another baby will replace that one, or somehow make it better. Sure, having another child would bring happiness, but nothing will ever fill that hole up. Nothing will truly ever take away that pain. That was our baby and nobody will replace them.

3.      It wasn’t the right time. Nobody knows when the right time to have a baby is. We all have a good guess on when we’re ready, but we do not truly know. I’ve seen women who got pregnant during the worst time of their life, and that child ended up being their biggest blessing; their ticket out of hell. Maybe some of us were not prepared to have a baby or were not planning on having one, but that does not mean it was not the right time.

4.      Miscarriage is more common than you would think. No. We know that miscarriage is common, and that many women lose their first child. That does not make it any easier. We’re aware that 1 in 4 women experience a loss. Yes, you may think this will calm us down and make things better, but it hurts. It hurts because nobody should ever have to experience the loss of a child. Nobody.