orignal sin

ch She sat on the cold bathroom tile fumbling with the razor in her hand, tears flowing down her face like the blood that flowed down her scarred wrists. The pill bottle lay empty at her feet, these two things where her “happiness” in life she lived for her happy pills and the thrill of the razor across her skin. There she sat taking her punishment for all those she had wronged the blood was rushing down her arm as she sat there and continued dragging the razor across her wrist.

She picked herself up off the floor opened the drawer where she kept her pills and her razor stashed them away. She proceeded to look up at the mirror where she looked at  what a mess she had become she had long dark hair that fell into her heavily made up eyes, which had dark circles under them. Her pale skin appeared sallow and unhealthy, her tiny frame was clothed in dark clothing that hinted at her curves. She then pulled down her top, reapplied her dark eyeliner which made her green eyes pop, pinched her cheeks to bring some color to her face. It was time for her to go out and convince a married man to cheat on his wife so she could continue to feed her addiction. When she was walking the street a car pulled up with a handsome man in the driver's side, he looked her up and down as though she was a piece of meat and she had become immune to this by now. She just wanted to get this over already, she didn't even enjoy it anymore it was just a thing she had to do.

She's lying there on the motel bed her panties down at her ankles the handsome stranger on top of her, his pants lay at the foot of the bed, he's almost done she thinks to herself. She allows her mind to wander while he continues to violate her body. She's thinking about home and the things she misses about her old life before this became her life. Before the depression seeped into her every thought. When he was finished she walked home in a daze not realizing it was raining until she came home and heard the drips of her soaked clothes on the linoleum floor. Numbly she walked to the restroom turned on the hot water and she began to strip off her clothes. When she got into the shower she sat on the floor and let herself cry the tears wouldn't stop flowing. As she thought about the things her uncle used to do to her. How he used to make her feel filthy and the things he had done had brought her here. Had made her the stereotypical prostitute drug-addict. She hated that word it was such a dirty word something to be ashamed of something to hide. She had decided she was done hiding from everything from everyone. As she was drying her hair she sat down picked up a pen pulled a paper from her drawer and addressed the letter to her uncle that had started it all.

As she sat writing her letter, all the memories came flooding back how it felt to have him on top of her, the feeling of his hot breath which smelled of cheap beer pelting her cheek, his hands groping her underdeveloped body. The cries that clawed from her throat where drowned out by him repeating her name “Renee, Renee, Renee!” then he ejacleted inside of her body which made her feel disgusting. The first time he did this she went home and cried for hours, she remembered her mother knocking on her locked door asking if she was okay. Renee hadn’t come out of her room for nearly a week when her uncle had come over asking to see her she refused when, he forced his way into her room telling her to “Grow up, and get over it!”. He then commanded her to get on her knees and pull down his and do things to him she will never repeat to another human being. The next month Renee was expecting her period the next month and she worried when it hadn’t. She had no idea what she was going to do she knew her family wouldn’t support her and her baby, it was HER baby not that monster’s baby. As Renee came back to reality the slimy feeling still in her gut as she thought about her old life and the things she left behind. 

She got off the couch and went to get ready for another night that consisted of cheap liquor, motel beds, and strange men. The smell of cheap cologne, and bad breath, the sweaty men on top of her. This was a usual night for her something you get used, it was just job. After she was done “working” she would go see her dealer she was beginning to run out of her “happy pills” as she had nicknamed them. As she was walking the street that handsome stranger pulled up next to her and told her to get in the car and as she was climbing into the car, an ambulance flashed by the car the sirens blaring and cars trailing behind clearly the family of the person in the ambulance. Renee had always hated hospitals though so unlike most curious bystanders she ignored the chaos and carried on she crossed her legs in the passenger side of the car waiting to arrive at the Motel 6. When they arrived the concierge stared at Renee and greeted her by name and asked if she wanted her usual room, it took Renee a couple of seconds to respond she was bleary-eyed and suffering of withdrawals that made her head spin and she felt like she was going to vomit. As soon as this deal was over she would be going to her drug dealer on her corner. When she met up with her dealer she was thinking about the ambulance she saw pass by earlier for some reason. When she got home she started her shower like any other night when she looked down at her phone there was a number she didn’t recognize but when she read the message it sent chills up her spine.

The next morning she woke up on the bathroom floor dried blood on her wrist the pill bottle next to her head. She picked herself up, her head pounding from a combination of the pills and the liquor from last night. Then Renee heard the shrill ring of her phone she answered, sleep still in her voice, she listened to the raspy familiar voice on the line that told her he was coming for visit. Long after the phone went dead she sat there dumbstruck and panicking, it still hadn’t fully registered in her mind, the fact that the monster from her nightmare was paying her a surprise visit. She went through her morning in a haze, coming to terms that her Uncle Dustin  was coming by in exactly 33 minutes. Her apartment was still a mess and her teeth still not brushed. Renee couldn’t get that little baby boy out of her mind, she remembered everything about him the way his skin felt, the little finger nails, the beating heart. It was a heart that wouldn’t beat for long though, it wouldn’t matter though Renee would hold this baby till he turned blue and cold. Renee wouldn’t dare think his name though, she knew that would do it, she would begin to cry and she wouldn’t be able to stop. She looked up at the clock and saw that there were was one minute exactly. Renee was startled by the loud banging and the calling of her name, he was here.