A Girl

A Poem by Amber dawn

So lonely
So alone
Surrounded by people who barely even know
The horrors she's seen
The terrors that haunt her
The truth that is a nightmare
She's lives her life in secret
Pretending to be what she is not
Happy, loving, caring, understanding
Qualities she shows but cannot truly feel
If only they knew
What goes bump in her nights
If only they knew
The harshness that is her life
The terrors that is her past
The cruel fucked up path she has been on
Where she is going
And where she is
Then they could judge her
For her strange ways
For being childish
For not caring
If only they knew
How she cries herself to sleep
What strength it takes just to get out of bed
Just to live one more day
Some say she's crazy in the head
Other's avoid her because she is different
Little do they know the truth behind her eyes
If they only looked they would see
What's it's like for her
To live just one day
They would see her terror
Her nightmares
Her past
Her fears
Then maybe even they could understand
She's strange because she's never lived
Never been social
She's childish because she never got to be a kid
She doesn't care because their problems are so much less
Much less than her's
Yet she has no one to tell
She does not want their pity
But that's all she gets when the cap comes off
When the truth comes out
When her life is revealed
Some make it awkward
Some give her pity
Some don't even care
That she was raped when she was three
For two years she was raped
And beaten
And starved
And was left to her own devices
She ate triple what she should at preschool
She survived at home on dog food
While her father
Her VICTIMIZER
(As they like to call him she hates it though
She's not a victim she's a surviver
Stronger than she was before)
And his mom feasted on steaks
Her mom taught her to look at the pictures
On the back of TV dinners
So she survived those two hard years
Taking care of herself
She wanted to tell her mom
What her daddy did when she was gone
Working fifteen hours a day
Supporting the whole family
She didn't know better
He said he'd hurt her mommy
He already beat her enough when she came home
She wanted to protect her
Finally we left
Moved away and left him behind us
Her mommy found her a new daddy
A nice man named Donny
His sons beat her daughter though
And he didn't quite love his new daughter
Him and mommy fought often
Finally she told her mom at the age of five
They discovered she had an std from him
And scarring down inside
She was told she could never have babies properly
Could you imagine that at the age of five?
She didn't quite understand
And went through life
She had to take pills to help her sleep
Cause her daddy came back in her dreams
They called them night terrors
She didn't care
She wouldn't sleep
That was her cure
So they gave her more pills
Told her she'd be fine
Meanwhile her mommy and her new daddy were angry
And decided to hit her
And give her to her grandparents during breaks
So they didn't have to deal with her
She found out her brother liked little girls too
And he molested her as well
During breaks just so he would play a game with her
Or take her swimming
Or do things a big brother should
She told her mom and even made a police report
Her mom got mad so she said it was false
Her mom and her new dad got mad a lot
They would hurt her
One day they took her away
Gave her to complete strangers in a house with five other kids
She was given back to her mommy a few months after
Things were good for awhile
Except her mom and dad fought a lot
Then her friend died
She knew him since they moved there
Died barely a week after his birthday
She changed that day
She stopped caring
She knew what would happen
To them all
She started cutting
Attempting suicide
Getting in trouble, even in her new school
She drank and smoked
Barely in eighth grade
And she went from perfect to f**k up in seconds flat
Then her mom and her dad stopped talking and
One day he kicked them to the curb
They were forced to leave their home of nine years
In under a week
Not even enough time to say goodbye
Around the anniversary of her friends death
And the day the guy she thought she loved
Asked her to be his
They moved far away
On the other side of the state
That's where she lives now
Going through the trial with her brother
Finally pressing charges
To the other man who made her weak
She doesn't want pity
She doesn't want help
She just wants to be left alone
And not to be judged
But people are starting to know
Nothing stays a secret for long
They treat her like she's a disease
Like being raped is contagious
Like she has the plague or something
It makes her angry deep down inside
To know how people treat those who were hurt
Yet cane out stronger than before
If you look in her eyes you can tell its the truth
Now looking at me could you guess that this girl
Who has went through all of this
Is me?