Hunger Pain

004011008 1101A

ORIGINIAL:

Every time I touch your breath

Something wicked awakens inside of me

An unknown addiction grows

All too consuming, inviting

I can't stop myself from desiring

 

Each time I see a glimpse of your soul

I grow hungry and weary

With a slight menace in my eyes

Waiting for the right opportunity

To take you in completely

Without anyone ever knowing you're gone

REVISION: 

Everytime I touch your breath
Something wicked inside of me awakens
An addiction grows
So consuming and inviting
I'm unable to resist the urges
Your essence I'm desiring
Like a song made for my soul

When I see a glimpse of your being
It makes me hungry, salivating
See this menace in my eyes
I'm waiting for the opportune time
To take you in completely
Without anyone even knowing
You're gone

 

Reviews

[Jon]

Just stumbled accross this poem and I absolutely love it. It completely drew me into that feeling - brilliantly written and so accurate in what I hope it is trying to convey.

Tried to pick some favourite lines but I think the whole thing is too solid to pick one part - fantastic end though.

Going in my favourites ;)