While I Wait

There is fear in me
a gnawing burning ting
a painful sawing
frozen thawing
bashing burning
aching sting
the emptiness of loneliness
hollows my core with a fist punching strength
to enjoy every tear
every heart pounding yelp
for this is the true rationale
for such a long yielding lack
of any real love,
of any love shack.

I conjured a world within which my body is tied
confused relentlessly
stuck in a bind
to create a place
within which I can hide
to enjoy every sorrow the world can provide.

I dream of a you and still whisper in reply
every time you promise you are not far behind.
every time you tell me
be patient, have faith
Everything is coming, and you will replace
all the painful sawing
frozen thawing
bashing burning
aching sting
As soon as is time,
you say I'll see you again.

But there is pain here that you alone will not heal,
that festers, leaves,
teases, appeals,
returns, relinquishes
a hold over me
So that I can not see,
how, of it, I'll be free.

And still, I want to know
who will see me,
love me,
take care that I don't sink
while my sanity is questioned by every thing I think
while my heart is confounded by desire so great
it pounds
it aches
it yells
it debates
how can I free myself of masochist's fate
When the yearning for you is the pleasure and hate
of what it is to feel sorrow and pain
the emotional gamut, a gambling game
to experience everything before I can sustain
cultivate
surrender
release
refrain
the last particle of me
that's afraid to engage
and thus enjoys the story,
the thumping stage
inside my heart, inside this chest
And never the less,
It begs of me to put it to rest
to allow you closer
I beg you come now
I've spent too long in this labyrinth
It's time.
I want out.