Rebounding From Chaos

Not my usual. You are all used to poetry, but it's been a while and I thought I'd share my first blog post in forever. Poetry and more will be forthcoming. Some lows, but also many highs.

It's been a very long time since I was on here last. I just kind of packed it in during a very dark time in my life. I not only suffer from mental illness, but had Covid and my son's own mental health issues as he became a man piled on each shoulder while I also tried to survive on disability pay...which sucks WAY more than you can possibly imagine! 

But something wonderful happened last year. I rediscovered a passion of mine from when I was a little girl. My love of caring for animals. I was already sort of on the right track as a CNA, and with all my other work experience...it's just a matter of getting my credentials and some working experience. Of course, right now, I simply want to work. I have big plans indeed for 2021-2022!!!

After searching high and low for an apartment that didn't cost $2,000 plus utilities, I decided that I'm just going to stay where I am until I have enough money saved up for a down payment on a house of my own! Mortgage payments are at an all time low right now and I'm hoping the trend continues. I'm going the foreclosure route anyway, which should help. In the meantime, I can work on repairing and rebuilding my credit and getting some time working on the books so I can have my income counted. 

At my most recent eye appointment with my new doctor, I found out that I can now get my driver's license. Modern medicine finally caught up with my eyes or they lowered their standards or whatever. I don't care. After being told my whole life that I'd NEVER drive and that I was a bad candidate for LASIK, I'm getting my driver's license at the tender age of 48!!! I'm going to attempt to do cartwheels after I pass my road test! It's going to be really pathetic and funny to watch and I don't care! I'll be a driver, Baby! Yeah!

Oh yeah! Back to my big passion about animals! Sorry, ADHD tangent. I enrolled with Penn Foster to do their Associate's program for Veterinary Technician and will continue to complete their Bachelor's program! I'd LOVE LOVE LOVE to be a veterinarian, but alas, there is no veterinary school in Rhode Island. Vet Tech is the next best thing, and really, they get more time with those animals and their people. Of course, with my spanking new driver's license...I could commute to a school in nearby Connecticut or Massachusetts. Especially with Covid restrictions lifting. God. Who else is sick of THAT word? 

My son's psychiatrist is FINALLY admitting that I am right and he is FINALLY going to be treating my son for bipolar disorder. I'd have given anything to be wrong but not only is it hereditary, but it takes one to know one and he acts just like I feel. He acts like my ex husband (not his dad) who also had untreated bipolar disorder. While I can't cure my son of this awful illness, my determination to get him the help he needs is finally paying off and all the stress and frustration were worth it for him to feel better and to feel better about himself. 

So, I'm going to be a driving, homeowning college graduate with a son who is healthy both physically AND mentally and finally able to find some inner calm. I know what it's like to live inside your head and I wish I could just take that away from him. Unlike me, when I was his age, he at least has someone who has been through it and understands what he's going through, even though we both experience things differently. 

I'm starting to find some inner calm as well. 2021 is SO my year. So much, that it's going to spill over into next year! Will there still be bumps in the road? Of course. But they will be so much easier to navigate without the distractions. 

Speaking of distractions, I HAVE BROKEN THE TOXIC CHAINS OF FACEBOOK!!! One of the best decisions I have ever made for myself. OMG! LOL Down with creative constipation!

And to accompany this, a fabulous pink tractor, for no particular reason...