Capricorn

I obviously wrote this when I was really angry this summer lol

When you make a deal to love the devil, be careful.

The devil always cashes in.

Love doesn’t mean what you think it does.

You may get the forever with him that you were promised, but it will be a forever of fighting for your life. It will be a forever spent catching your breath, the anxiety that comes from living on uneasy ground, and the uncertainty of what each day will bring. 

I’m standing in the driveway looking up at the sky asking my spirit guides for help but knowing they’re long gone. I traded them in on the day we met. A fool falling in love with a body without a soul. If you were in front of me now I think I could reach right through you.

You were made of smoke and sex and I should’ve known better, should’ve listened when I was warned but I made the deal and signed it in blood in his book. Just another name on the long list of those betrayed by the deal we made with the masked version of you.

And I feel sorry for her, I really do, but no amount of warning could prepare her for what is to come. Nothing could’ve torn me away. I signed willingly for a taste and while decadent and indescribably savory, it was temporary and poisonous.  I’m still choking and no longer in a pleasant way.

When you fall for the devil, you’re falling for lies not love. His horns and his beard grow with every new day surviving off the love of silly, romantic women. When you get close you learn that his every move is to outrun a curse that he has taken as his own. 

I was a lamb, signing myself up to be slaughtered. And now, as I find myself on the other side, just another body scattered in this wasteland I once called home, I look at the familiar faces of those he loved before and even now, I ask, would I do it all again?