Spirits

An outrageous greed
willing to take the lead.

Bang, bang.

A long life guilt,
no family to be built.

Author's Note

I believe this poem has something to do with a killer, robber or a thief. I had this image of a bad person doing something wrong. In this case: shooting someone.

I wanted to use a small amount of words to describe something big.

Reviews

[Allison]

You left the exact impression you were trying to make. In my mind, I see a killer, perhaps in a gang related crime? Anyways, good write.

[Amanda Naomi]

personally i think you should have left out the authors note....left it to your readers imagination. initially i was confused, i was thinkning "what happened?" i wondered if the first two lines and the last two were about the same person or not. and in the end i believe it must be. so here is what i think happened: a man broke into someone's house, was surprised and killed a man...a husband i think...and years later when he is in prison, he thinks back on that moment in regret of what he did, not out of why was i so stupid, but in actual remorse.

thank you for this write! so many people write long and lengthy poems trying to shove their thoughts down my throat, but this time you gave me a fraction of what it could be and opened the posibilities about it it, making me think and wonder...so thank you! it was a beautiful poem!

[hannah]

I have indeed missed reading works such as this. Quaint, short in length but has a powerful impact on the reader. You have defined such a clear image of ignorance, resentment and lost.

[Coyote Poetry]

I have known bad people. Most are very smart. Ain't easy to make a living stealing and robbing. The logic in the end was very good. Can't hold on to too much when your life is running from your bad deeds. A excellent poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[My Fair Lady]

Few words that carry a lot of weight. I appreciate the author's note as well. Perhaps it is a strange association, but it sparked some thoughts about domestic violence that ends with a shooting. It could be because I have personally experienced this situation, but it seems there are a growing number of fatalities where domestic violence has been a factor in our society. Greed seemingly the forfront for a very bad ending. Powerful.

[ForTheWorld]

this poem is incredibly wonderful, everything is well explained, the flow of the story goes right, i love it, wonderful and amazing =D

[Sweets]

Wow. 19 words can actually tell a whole story..
This is wonderful. I like it how people make a small poem out of a whole big story!
Wonderful work!

[writing mojo]

The bars in your word choice contain a laughing madness, in a crime of passion. I wonder what was taken away in the space in between? good stuff....

[theunionisloud]

Really great. I love the minimalism in poems like these... few words, big concept. It really is very good, but I think you could have put something a bit more ominous at the end. When a life is lost, lost is everything they were and also everything they would be... moreover, everything they *could* be. It's a lot to lose, so make a big statement.

Just a side note: at the end, did you mean a long life guilt or a lifelong guilt? Both work, just wondering :)

Great work!