Sentience

A poem of pregnancy, birth, loss, fear and death.

She carries her baby for nine months

Sentient and aware

Thinking and feeling

But her baby will be taken from her

The moment it is born

Sentient and aware

Thinking and feeling

She will bellow for days

Suffering grief and despair

Sentient and aware

Thinking and feeling

Separated and deprived

Her duties resume

Sentient and aware

Thinking and feeling

The end is near

To slaughter she will go

Sentient and aware

Thinking and feeling

Into the restraint box

Brain shocked by captive bolt

Sentient and aware

Thinking and feeling

Shackled and hoisted

Blade to the throat

Sentient and aware

Thinking and feeling

Fear and shock

Pain receptors activated

She is sentient and aware

She can still think and feel

Author's Note

Not sure of the title but would love to know your thoughts on this poem.

Reviews

[RWE]

For me, the repetition of "sentient and aware" and "thinking and feeling" is needlessly intrusive. It takes on the character of "padding" without adding to the emotional impact of the poem. Further, I don't hear the music of poetry but the intellection of an essay. A good premise but failing in "music." Eager to read more, though. Keep at it.
RWE

[Sami Khalil]

I like repetition and dark writes...:)

[Vavidi]

Thank you Sami, gosh I'm not really into poetry, I'm a business writer but thought had to do some poetry for my studies & thought I would put them up here first. After RWE's review (which I appreciate the honesty) I sort of got put off lol I knew poetry was not my thing ;) Hey thanks for taking the time to read & comment on it, greatly appreciated :)

[Sami Khalil]

Well don't worry . Keep on trying with trial and error until you perfect it like anything else. You are welcome...:)

[Daegal]

Hi! I'm new too! I like it. I do think its really dark, and the repetitive lines could maybe be re-tooled to mix it up lil? Interesting, I'm curious what animal it is.

[Vavidi]

Thank you Daegal, it is dark & it's supposed to be, it's the sad story of the life of a dairy cow. I thought the repetitive lines were a good idea & then a friend of mine said the same as you lol & told me to delete a few of them. Looks like it's back to the drawing board. Hey thanks for taking the time to read & review, greatly appreciate it :)

[jwesley]

Repetition can and does work, but it has to add to the piece overall, or be particularly meaningful in each new placement. Too much of it negates it all.

Interesting subject though.

j.

[Vavidi]

Thanks J & RWE
I hear you RWE, I'm not a poet & these 2 poems are the first I have ever written. I am a business writer, currently studying Public Relations so I agree with you that I am far from a poet. Since I am an animal advocate and write a lot about it, I thought I would write a couple of poems about my passion. I sincerely appreciate your honesty which is exactly what I asked for :) cheers