All That I Am

Story depicting the life of a dairy cow from an animal advocates pov.

I once stood in green pastures

All lush, green and watered

Now I stand on grated floor

Where blood pools from the slaughtered

I once sought shade from a nearby tree

Now the only branches above me

are robotic arms of steel

Bound for this parlor, never to be free

My young used to suckle my milk

As I stood patiently looking over the plain

Now mechanical claws tear at my teats

As I stand in concrete terrain

Endless cycles of pregnancy and birth

Yet calves I have reared none

To sustain the supply of dairy products

Is all that I've become

Author's Note

I don't write poetry but would love an honest opinion, even if it will hurt my feelings lol
I'm not a poet & this is my first attempt, so any advice is greatly appreciated.
I'm not sure of a title but would love an opinion on these: I AM COW, ALL THAT I'VE BECOME OR ALL THAT I AM ???
I am new to this site & this is my first post so quite nervous at this stage ;)

Reviews

[RWE]

Probably best not to have the poem told from the perspective of an animal incapable of the thoughts expressed. Such anthropomorphism and the overall sentimentality in the poem leaves me dissatisfied. Try revising it from the 3rd person perspective. Finally, just an opinion, but the subject of this poem hardly seems the "stuff of poetry." You have promise as a poet...advise you read, read, read poetry of all kinds, and then give writing another go! Cheers

[Daegal]

How about "Captive I Breath"

[Vavidi]

Love it :) see I'm not very good at poetry, not a creative bone in my body as I business write but you guys are all so helpful, it's great, thank you

[Daegal]

No you have ability! Hey I'm new too. Like anything the more you do the better you get. Of course we all learn all the time. I like your writing, keep it up!

[Vavidi]

Thank you - I must take time to read your writing which I intend to do this weekend. Have a public relations assignment due Mon & I'm yet to start it ;)

[Daegal]

Cool. I liked this one. I got it. Sad, but thought provoking. As for a title, maybe something like "Captive Pastures" or "Nothing Moo" lol jk. (Not sure how to rate yet.)

[Vavidi]

lol I like the word Captive though, I might work on that word, perhaps not pastures as they hardly live in pastures anymore. Thanks again for taking the time to read & review it :)

[Holly Mason]

I like the content up to date
but the title should be spruced up a bit
the writing has good meaning
thank you for sharing

[Vavidi]

I agree, but new to poetry & have no idea lol I'll think of something. Thank you for taking the time to read it :)

[Crow21]

I can't write like that you have talent your poem is full mines are empty keep writing