Mad World

A Story by Samantha Rose

What do you dream of late at night?

Most people would classify what happens every night, a nightmare. To them it may be, they want to lay their little heads down on a soft silky pillow, and be wished away into a land of beauty, joy, peace; whatever their hearts desire. I do the same. My dreams are just different.

It just hurts. Not just mentally, physically too. The headaches, sore eyes, none stop thinking, reviewing everything over and over again in my mind. It makes me so tired, my joints ache, my bones crack, I have no energy. That's the way it's been most of my life. The only good memories I have are from before the move. I didn't even see it coming. Sure, I wasn't the most popular, but i had friends, i had people, i had someone. Of course bad things happen, no one lives a perfect life, but it was my perfect life. And when my parents decided that we would just up and move out of nowhere, no warning, they just tore my world apart. There was nothing good that ever came from this move. Nothing. It caused so much pain. It made me this way.

I was standing there, alone. Wearing a fleece jacket, the wind blowing through my hair, frost laying on the ground below. I turned my head slowly to the left, only to see something unreal. A car, it had fumes blowing out of it like a chimney. It was smashed and tattered, the front windshield was completely smashed, and there was blood everywhere. In the drivers seat, there was me. Sitting there, with my head down, hair coving my face, blood all over me. I took a step towards the accident, my feet crunching on the frost below with every step. Mom was standing there, looking at the crash, looking at me. I was clearly dead, but she could still see me. Tears started welling in her eyes, slowly trickling down her cheeks. This didn't make any sense. I can see myself, dead in the car; yet i'm standing here, and she can see me. I walked away, towards the town. Trying to think, breath, feel, something. The only thing i could conger up was the fact that everything was numb. My senses: I could barley feel, talk, hear, taste, smell. All I could really do was see. I kept walking, until i hit the school yard. News travels fast, everyone knew already, they were all talking about it, but no one cared. They thought it was cool. The accident, the blood, the fact that I was now gone. No one gave a flying f**k. But that's what I've expected from the beginning, it just hurts more when you find out you were right all along. I just observed. Everyone could see me. I still don't understand how. They tried to talk to me, question me, calling me a liar, saying i made all of this a hoax. I closed my eyes, and thought of a place I would rather be, I then felt dizzy and when I opened my eyes, I was there. I was where I was imagining. Nothing mattered anymore. This is what i've always wanted, dreamed of. I've wanted to die for so long, and just get away, not feel anything, just be at peace in a beautiful land. That's what i got.

When I woke up, i started to cry. Why? The dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had. Every single time I was up from what others would call a nightmare, I cry. I just wish it were true. I feel nothing, to only see, and get away from all of it, to never come back. It pushes me more and more towards to edge. I wonder when I will finally do it. What dream may push me towards peace, serenity, death. It can't come soon enough.