Chapter 5

Chapter 5 - 2005

After everyone had left I proceeded back upstairs and retreated to the comfort of my chair on the upstairs balcony. I took the two tickets I had purchased on my way and waited for Elizabeth to join me. While I looked out towards the stars I contemplated my decision to return to Germany.  Feelings of pain and sorrow washed over me. But seeing Elizabeth walk through the doorway, the pain and sorrow were washed away.

“Is everything okay?” She asked as she took her seat. “Of course.” I answered. “I know you don’t like to talk about the war but just remember kids will always ask the toughest questions.” “I’m fine, my dear” “I just needed to get some air.” I insisted. “There is something I wanted to talk to you about though.” “What is it?” she wondered. “How would you feel about a trip?” “To where?” “I was thinking Germany, then maybe Austria and the Netherlands.” I could not help but smile at the look of surprise on Elizabeth’s face. “I know you have always wanted to go but you have understood my reluctance.” 

“I don’t have many open chapters left in my life and it’s about time I brought closure to this one.” “Are you sure about this?” Elizabeth finally said. After taking a few moments to think everything through I into her eyes and knew it was right. “I’d hate to end my life thinking I stopped you from achieving you dreams.” “You haven’t” She said. “We raised two beautiful children and we have the most amazing grandchildren.” I could not help but smile yet I felt unsatisfied. 

“I couldn’t have asked for anything more in my life than for you and our family.” Trying not to cry, I took her by the hand and remembered what she once told me. “Do you remember the night we went on our first date?” “I asked you what your dreams were.” “You remember that? She said with a smile. “Of course, I also told you that I hoped that one day I could help you fulfill all of them.” 

“As I recall I told you to not get ahead of yourself” She laughed. “I’ve never been sure of many things in my life but that was one thing where I knew exactly what I wanted.” “If my memory serves me I remember telling you that I want to be standing next to you when all your dreams come true.” “And while you say that they have, I promised you I would be there through all of them and we haven’t achieved all of them yet.”

She leant forward and kissed me gently. “Are you sure you want to do this?” She said as she pulled away from me. “For you my love, I will do anything.” Elizabeth had always been a source of strength for me and this was no different. The slightest lingering doubt in my mind vanished without a trace when I looked at her. After a brief but meaningful kiss, I took her by the hand and promised her that I would go anywhere she wanted to.

“I don’t know what to say” Elizabeth added. “Just say yes.” Her face lit up like a christmas tree as she held the tickets. “Yes, I can’t wait.” She said with excitement filling her voice. We embraced warmly. “I love you” She whispered quietly into my ear. Different thoughts raced through my mind like a runaway train. Unable to think of an appropriate response, I looked to the stars to find the words to say but nothing came. I focused my attention back on Elizabeth and everything became clear. “I love you too”

After another brief kiss, I sat down in my chair with Elizabeth on my lap. “It’s been 50 years.” I said while admiring the moon. “It feels like yesterday to me.” She added. “I remember a young handsome paratrooper sitting in a bar all by himself looking lonely.” While I did see the humor in her remark and let it show, the pain of the war shot down my spine. Ruined buildings and streets littered with bodies. Children with no places to play, with no food or water and in some cases no parents.

“I remember this nurse with long blonde hair and a gorgeous smile.” I said. “But the main thing I remember is those killer legs” I joked. Elizabeth laughed while she blushed. “But if I remember correctly she turned me down.” “You were a drunken mess” She said. “Hey that’s only half true” I objected. “I knew exactly what I was doing.” “I’m sure you did” She continued mockingly. “You just needed time to re-adjust and get your head screwed back on straight.”

Visions of the war went flying through my mind. From Normandy to Bastogne, I saw death, friends being killed, children left out parents and entire towns reduced to dust. “You helped me do that.” I said. Elizabeth paused as if she didn’t know what I meant. “How did I do that?” “What made be so special that you could accept years of hell and move on with your life?” Different ideas came to mind and it was a struggle to pick which conveyed my feelings  in the most effectively. In that instant a single word came to mind that described everything she represented to me. “Hope” I said

“What do you mean, hope?” She said. “Whenever I’ve been in a troubled place you have been there.” I said. “When I came home from the war I felt like I should have died with my friends in Europe.” “But when I saw you I realized that there is meaning for me yet.” Elizabeth still seemed puzzled by what I was saying. “Knowing you will be there for me makes everything okay” I said. “And that is why I feel like it’s time to go back to Europe.”

We embraced tightly and simply stared at the stars. “There’s just one place I’d like to visit when we arrive.” I added. “Sure, you name it.” “It’s a city called Dresden, in Germany.” I said. “I’ve heard it’s beautiful” Elizabeth replied. “It was the most beautiful place on Earth until we destroyed it.” “What do you mean we?” “We bombed it even though it had no military value.” “How do you know all this?” Elizabeth asked. In that moment I didn’t know how to respond to such a question. I liked to think of myself as an honest man but the truth in this situation would do more harm than good.

Lying to my wife was something I’d never even considered until now. Hiding from the truth forever was something that I knew was impossible. But part of me had hoped that it would never come out. Not because I was ashamed of anything but because of what came with the truth. “I had a conversation with a German soldier once, who said he was raised there.” I said cautiously. “He showed me a photo of himself and his girlfriend in front of this magnificent building.” Elizabeth paused as if she wanted me to elaborate.

Different thoughts ran through my mind about how I should finish it. I wanted to be honest but the risk of hurting my wife made it impossible. She had helped me through the darkest period of my life and to now taint one of her life long dreams. “How could I do such a cruel thing” I thought. She stood before me in a state of confusion mixed with a small dash of excitement.  Searching for the words was painfully difficult but I knew it was better than the truth and with that I decided to continue with this fabricated story. 

“After the German surrender, I was operating a checkpoint with this soldier” I said. “He was very interested in America and I grew tired of talking about it so I changed the subject.” We sat down in our favorite deck chairs, hand in hand. “When I asked where he was from he broke down and cried” I continued. “When I tried to comfort him, he pulled out a photo and handed it to me and said he was from Dresden.” “Then I remembered the news reels from earlier in the year talking about how Dresden had been reduced to rubble by our Air Force.”

“I could not fathom the pain he must of been experiencing”. “Not only was his home destroyed, but his entirely family and his girlfriend who was in the photo with him.” He broke down and I tried to comfort him by trying to assure him everything would be okay.” His reply was possibly one of the most saddening things I had ever heard at the time. He looked at me as if I was oblivious to what had happened.

“What happened to his family?” Elizabeth asked. “They were all killed in the raid” I answered painfully. “I should look and see if I still have the photo somewhere amongst my old things.” “But for now lets get back to planning our journey.” “I don’t want to take away from this moment.” Hollow words I thought to myself before remembering the painful truth. “You kept the photo?” Elizabeth wondered. “Why would you do such a thing?” Pausing to remember my reasons for doing so. The image contained within the piece of card came racing into my mind. 

Recalling this event tested my emotional fortitude almost as much as the entire war. Partially because of what the bombing of Dresden represented in my eyes but also because of not being able to be honest with Elizabeth. All my life I had thought of myself as an honorable and decent man, until now.

Author's Note

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