hermit crabs

about something that happened to me last june. i think the poem will speak for itself.

On the day I heard the news
That you were dead, I thought it was a joke.
You were always smiling, always laughing
Your laugh was contagious like chicken pox,
But everyone actually wanted to be ill.
And here's the part that isn't so funny.
You hung yourself like laundry
Tucked into clothespins, in the summer sun
To dry. Your neck was tucked into that noose.
I wonder who found you there.
Your mother? Your sister?
Did she scream? What could she have thought,
"my baby,"
"my brother."
I remember going to the wake,
And telling myself,
"I haven't spoken to him in years,
I don't think I'll cry"
But walking in and seeing the crowd of people
Swarmed at the front of the church like
They wanted to hear you tell another joke,
Wanted to laugh with you, hear your laugh
Resonating like bells in our ears
I broke down sobbing,
Tears like brushstrokes down my cheeks.
Never again will anyone hear
Another punchline, another drum beat,
Another song from you again.
I saw the other faces, bright red,
Not the usual color of sadness, of confusion
But the color of anger-
How could you?!
How could you leave us all behind like this,
How could you think we could live
Without you like this?
Turn to the world,
How can the earth keep on rotating like this?!
Doesn't it know he is gone,
But it keeps spinning, like nothing happened
Like death is no big deal
Like death is a natural thing
Like the earth already got over it,
So why shouldn't I?
How can the world keep moving
Without someone who so many people loved
Not in it anymore?
I never saw your body
I don't like funerals because of the open caskets.
You're not really there,
Just the place you spent all your eighteen years in.
A mere shell designed for your hermit crab soul
To reside in until it was outgrown,
Or until it got sick of it
Like you got sick of living, I guess
But shells get washed up on the beach all the time
Dried out, lively no longer
Hermit crabs moved on to a better life in the sea
And in the same way, so did you.
I'll see you there someday.

Author's Note

so i haven't edited this at all yet. revision suggestions would be very muchly appreciated :) please and thank you!