consequences

inspired by the song "i so hate consequences" by relient k, and events in my life at the time in which this was written.

today started out as a good day, but
got progressively worse. the dusty
froot loops clung to my fingers and the
windows are tinted with the orangey-
yellow that means summer is creeping
up on us and i know so many people
who are ready for it but i
am not one of them.

he does not wear skinny jeans, he
may not even know my name. he
doesn't talk much, but his silence
means something and it makes me
think of how my loudness is nonsense
and i may not ever see him again
after wednesday and my heart
might break if that were to happen.

he is a tangled-up ball of yarn
waiting to be unraveled and i wonder
if my hand is skilled enough to do
that, because previously the
situation always worsened.

the trembling leaves cast frantic
shadows on the sidewalk outside
and i wish i was one of them,
quivering in the breeze and not
worrying about starting too late
or what will happen tomorrow
or what's for dinner tonight.

lilo and stitch used to be my
favorite movie because i loved
tropical places and the meaning
of ohana but i think i am going
to leave part of myself behind
that day and i wonder if he will
notice and put it in his pocket
for safe-keeping.

my blanket is still damp from
tears cried from the beginnings
of laughter and i find that when
a time comes when i should cry,
i can't because the salt from
my eyes has been used up
on stupid silly things that don't
mean as much as you.

i don't think relient k could have
understood as much as i do
now about hating consequences
or staying up all night hating
my mistakes and wishing i
wasn't the coward i am. running
from you does seem to be
my best defense.

i don't want for all of this to
end; i would do anything to
prolong it a week or month
or two, even if it meant i wouldn't
celebrate my birthday alone
this year. i would break
tradition, just for this, and even
thought i would i don't,

and that's exactly my point here.
coulds and woulds don't even
matter, it's what i actually do,
or don't do, that end up meaning
anything at all in the end.

and i so hope this isn't the
end.

Author's Note

blah initial thoughts

Reviews

[Ben]

Very good. You are a very talented writer!