Not J and N and D and K But

La la la la read it and tell me what you think. I am trying to stray from the rhyme time trap I am caught in.

November 28, 2009 / 10:23 pm

Laughing on my way
To the Bank, a
Metaphor I'm not
Sure you will get.
A metaphor I'm
Not sure is valid
Anymore. I hate
You for making me
Question my questions,
I hate you for stealing
What I thought was dead.
I hate that it's okay
To make me wait. I
Hate that even I
Realize I'm being
Ridiculous. I hate
That I let you spin
Me so out of control
That I don't notice I'm
Twirling. And I hate
That in the end there
Will be pain and that
Maybe the end has
Already happened.
Has the sparkly curtain
Dropped showing me for
What I am? A twenty-four
Year old nobody with no
Talent for relationships
Who may or may not be
Totally gone. I wish I
Could use hands to erase,
Wipe the board clean,
Draw a couple dancing
In the rain. Use arrows
To indicate where not
To go, stars to highlight
Proper topics. But wishes
Are useless and dreams
Even more so.

Author's Note

Want to guess what I'm talking about? I'll never tell... (cheesy movie quote)

Reviews

[Juliette Cross]

you are talking about your trip down the yellow brick road, when you met that really cute guy with straw coming out of his a*s. i remember i saw you there and i was trying to wave but there was an oompa loompa under my dress and boy was he obscene! out of nowhere your house landed on my head and i swore that one day, yeah one day, i would make you pay. and here we are... where's your little dog now my pretty?

[wolfshrew]

You have a great honesty to your writing, when I read
something that has strong emotion to it; it feels like youre
yelling each line at me.

[Legion]

Sometimes that is true. But sometimes wishes and dreams do come true. It definetely would be nice if we had a guidebook for life though instead of this groping around in the dark (although groping can be nice sometimes too). ;)

[BjH]

i think the val of old is back
always found your stuff to read outloud so well
you have a gift for that the stupid call "flow"
and some lines
speak only to the reader
and know one else
i like this
Benjamin

[FierySableMoonstone]

I like it. The way you wrote the lines gives it an extra bit of edginess.