Seven Day Pass

More of the same.

September 22, 2009 / 1:35 am

In the you-are-who
You-want-to-be
Category, I fail
Miserably. In the
Eyes of my family
I am not worth
The fee. Each day
Is new, condition
And shampoo, brush
And review, say
Thank you. I am
A hoarder of emotion,
A seeker of devotion.
If I can't have what
I want I turn into
The debutante. In my
Mind at least. My inner
Beast. Six years old and
Wanting fool's gold.

Author's Note

blah blah blah

Reviews

[PianoandPage]

i thought this was a nice tight little poem with a soft yet persistant beat beat beat. it kept my eyes moving and your phrasing was good and at times brilliant.

"hoarder of emotion" i agree is one of your brilliant lines here. that just conjures up an immediate cluttered, obsessive and desperate quality. it's also a little heartbreaking.

i also love how you wrapped up the poem with " wanting fools gold". sort of a double meaning there which is nice and made me think of how family twists natural and good "needs" into something else. how often we take a pretty imitation over the real thing because it is all that's offered.

maybe i'm reading too much of my own family issues into this.

but i enjoyed it thank you.

[.]

this feels like a morning with rain
and a window
and a face pressed softly to glass
and rain

[Clockwork]

This piece may not have big imagery or devices but it has a nice spoken word bite. It sends a clear message and fits together like a clear puzzle. Nice write.

[Christopher.Holmberg]

Oh wonderful work, packed with raw emotion.
i enjoyed what you had to say.
in particular i liked this line

Six years old and
Wanting fool's gold.

[deadpool]

a rant with style. nicely done.

[Sorry Infamous]

I am
A hoarder of emotion,
I thought that line was just brilliant.