Tainted

Written April 4, 2011 at 4 am. All these thoughts in my head about the divorce are crowding out anything else I can think of right now. This poem is a reflection of that.

 

Lay closer down with me

shut your f*****g mouth

Trapped in this numbing 

Transfixed by the horror

Glass shatters to pieces

 

Leaden walls, moving synth

Snap my neck in two

Let my ears bleed

Force my confusion out of me

Glad I could be such a pincushion

 

Frozen hand at 4

Underground silver lining

Shredding pain

Repotting dying plants

The future is a black void

 

Same routine, what purpose?

What voice is there?

I don’t want anymore

Its all black, painted black

No fear, no pain, no reason

 

Rhapsody is off balance

Lost myself to the rhythm

Can we pretend love is real

I can tell you exactly how it will end

Slap me awake I’m dying

 

My voice fades slowly 

Don’t look behind

I wasn’t there 

Frozen chill taking over now

I don’t know what else I can do

 

Dive down deep down

You want to understand?

Up, down, back and forth

Crudely drawn squiggles

I want it out! 

But if I do will I stop?

 

There is so much to numb me

Bitterly tasting...its addictive

Like an addict I seek out unhealthy things

Soothe the empty soul drifting

 

Caveat dear caveat

Crazy sort of cycle

Not mental 

The arches are turning to stone

Brain is all red now and blue

 

Neon lights on a seedy evening

Some back alley

Trash cans clattering

Punch me in the face

Scream at me

 

Is the numbness or the pain better?

Should I scream?

Will anyone hear my voice?

Silently, I swallow myself into dark

Tasting the blood on my lips

 

Consumed by wrath 

I offer up my soul to the night

Free me I plead

I suffer more than I can bear

Maybe it won’t hurt so bad

 

Smother it in demons

At the end of the day

Body stutters to a stop

Sirens sound in the air

No death was not by my hand

 

I was already dead 

Dying fire slowly dwindles down

No one hears the pleas

Can’t understand the pain inside

The limb is broken

 

No light, no air

Linger, linger

absolute death of her

As the new one takes its place

Demon grins as she settles down

 

Vacant eyes stare 

She is a ghost now

Falling and falling

As powers move her hand

Despair is so sweet

Let’s do it again