Black lines

Standing on this edge I looked down. I could see all the paths. I paint a picture of what happened when I felt the sting of the past.

Standing on this edge I looked down.

I could see all the paths.

I knew if I dived down again like before.

The height would smash me against the rocks.

Why would I do that to myself? 

Is this the silence that repels me to batter myself?

If I asked you the truth would you know.

I stare through crystals gazing at the past.

It was all too clear that the people were ash.

They took what was beautiful and destroyed it.

Can I really be restored to glory?

Would you see the black lines turn gold?

Those nightmares I’ve known has left me with a taint.

But healing known, they show me light.

The past hell still haunts me and breaks me.

I feel like this will never change inside.

Gasping for air I stare into you eyes.

Everything is wrong with this world.

How can I love these cruel things?

What is the point of giving them my presence?

I am denied the basic right to be heard.

All I wanted was a hug and a kind word.

In your museum world you drag blood along the floor.

I feel the deep seed of doubt and wall of waves.

They crash into my veiled cacophony. 

My head is spinning round and round.

I want this thinking to stop. 

I wanna be born again. 

My hatred is like a friend who is familiar.

I hold on tight to it like its my destiny.

But this is the choke hold that’s got me in a noose.

Its destroying me and I finally feel the rawness of it.

I can’t bear it alone. Please tell me when the trumpets sound...

That you will be there, you will see me and you understand.

Life is too complicated with this past that haunts me.

Send me down into the fire but don’t leave me alone.

Cleanse me if you have to because the taint lingers still.

I feel raw and paper thin and like a monster in these fragile bones.

Screaming noise abiding in me like a static rattle.

Please let this get better. 

If I need to be undone again.

I offer myself as the sacrifice but don’t lead me in empty halls.

Don’t let the liar and the thief keep me anymore.

Tell me you care!

Show me what I’m missing!

I close my eyes trying to hide from sounds.

My ears can’t shut out the echoes.

The voices of the dark that are sickly sweet.

Barreling me through another stormy encounter.

When will this end?

Can you really set me free of these chains?

Panicked in my state of division.

Deciding that I cannot contain it.

And I won’t go back. 

I don’t care how much this hurts.

Flood me, invade me but know I chose the light.

I need you this much inside of me.

Ragged veins flooding with black bile.

Here we are now.

Reply to sender on the dotted line.