Oppression

I am tired of this state of mind that I have been in. Like too much chaos banging around. I have tried to be calm, to be patient, to be understanding, caring and kind. I trust little in humanity and a lot of people have let me down but I am aware people are just people. 

Is this the place for a commentary? I don't know. You can read this or not. You can choose to not be informed of my reality and remain ignorant. If you will feel bothered, think me indecent of such words as this or in any other way think of me as bad for this then leave here and seek not unkind thoughts or words in regards to me.

I am simply human and I use that as no excuse but yet time and again I am laid blame for other people's problems and situations. I am tired of this. Though I offer proof of my sincerity and honesty it does nothing to sway views or opinions. You accuse and berate and stone wall me and do not open your ears to hear what I have to say.

You care more about pragmatics then how much I am hurting inside. When I tell you all that went on you tell me to be quiet. You tell me I don't get a voice. You tell me my pain is not that bad. When have I ever done this to you? 

I have never tried to silence you. I have feelings and all I ask of you is an ear, some time and open communication. Is this too much to ask? I mean really?

I offer you my own ear to hear your voice. To meet you heart and the more I try, the more I am pushed away. I am closer and closer to the edge of no return of slamming this door closed. Where when you come to me I cannot any longer offer you an ear, listen or be open to what you have to say because I have reached this done place.

I do not say this to those who have been there for me. Who have cared first for my heart and if I be in the wrong about something have offered me truth and not tried to put me down in doing so. This entry is not for those of you who have and continue to care for me and have been a great friend. Please worry not. 

I am continually praying for what God has for me. If to keep this door open or slam it closed. Perhaps this is wrong of me to persume that something like this should not be spoke of but I cannot pretend I'm fine or that things are "fine". THEY ARE NOT FINE! 

I hate the words: "Keep the peace." It has become chains to hold down passivity so that nothing can change. If you believe in truth then why must you hide behind shadows, lies and cowardice?

God comannds us to be active. Not to sit idly by and be passive. I refuse to be passive and be weak willed.

If the only thing I possess is my writing spirit and the courage to speak then I will do so.

This is not meant to create controversey. Nor to alienate or berate people but I need my voice heard. I just need to be heard.

I have no siblings. I have very little family that truly cares and listens. I feel this way. 

I struggle with the past so much. When I did speak up about my past I was rebuffed and told to stop sharing it on my facebook. I was told to stop speaking the truth and told that I was in the remiss for what I was posting. I was told that I was bitter and I needed to get over it and move on. 

Why must my healing time table be on your terms?

Why, when I speak up I am called bitter and names of that sort for speaking the truth and expressing my feelings.

I am tired of this oppression. 

I just am tired. I pray and I'm trying not to close doors but you make it really impossible sometimes! 

If this be offensive to you, dear reader, then leave this note and do not worry another moment or think on my message. If this be uncoth of me or that I'm creating drama then join the passive, oppressed crowd who are too scared to stand and speak up about this. Continue being the coward. 

For those who stand by idly knowing of what is going on while evil acts are committed and do nothing are just as guilty by proxy as those who committed said evil acts. 

We are more concerned with structure, keeping the peace and limiting the amount of ripples in the pond. We have forgotten to stand, to be given a voice, to be known. We toil in our gardens and forget our neighbors, our friends, our comrades, our families. 

We are more concerned about appearances then the need of our hearts. I speak not just for how I feel but for others who feel the same. Even you reader can you say you have not felt this too? 

This oppression of having your feelings known. To know people care about your heart first before anything else?

I will NOT dance on ceremony and keep quiet anymore. I am taking a stand and saying this is wrong. Wrong of others to oppress those who ask for an ear, a voice and to be acknowledged. 

If all this does is make you consider or think then I have done something worth standing up for.