Solitude

When you've given everything to a parent and they break you down and just paint you a picture of how unworthy you are.

Dirty and battered, weighted chains these be

Melodious and bottled, catching a curse down the line

Sinking and swift, these metal bands breaking by sight

Restless and unbound, undertaking the method of the madness

Pitiful and pathetic, quietly sink down the smoke filled air

These bandages have covered the useless cracks 

Emptying into pits of the abominations that ravage my heart

Fighting and crying, when the water doesn’t flow clearly

Cupping and gasping, teach me how to cup my hands

Bidding and denying, faster onto a plane of torment

Biting and spitting, the chalice of spikes only gets worse with time

Fire it burns when you hide yourself away into the sinking dark

Reaching the point of no return only to see another side

I’m just bidding my time till the end of this war 

But trust me this isn’t going to be pretty 

Test me and you’ll see the truth be laid bare

Like lemons in my pockets I gave you so many chances

I want to shut the door and walk away from this hell

Maybe it was better living the lies you taught me

It wasn’t a I couldn’t know better after all you broke me

Holding onto yesterday, so many memories, so much loss

I can pretend today, but my eyes won’t betray my heart

If there was one thing, I’d change you into someone better

My hopelessness was a charm, and you the maker of this dazzlement

Poetic and lost, a battering ram among the fortress

Foresight and formless, ethereal vapors invade my brain

Harming and f*****g, take this stake drive it deep hard home

Hatred and acrid, better not believe this isn’t coming for you

Someone better get some CPR you won’t last through this trial 

I can tell your choking on the ashes of old chorus chores

Maybe gold coins are better spent fixing your brain f**k 

Only wanted the best for you but you bought and sold my pain

Now I just look back and I take a stand 

You can do what you want

In the end he’s coming for you

I’m making choices you can’t begin to know

And its informed of the reality of what needs to be

So stay in the mindless numbing of resolute endlessness

I will climb onto my patio and make a real break 

This isn’t where I wanted it to be but sometimes bones break

When the water burns and I grasp it firm, I see what must 

Flesh raging, a chaotic dance I seek solitude in you oh Lord