Life Lessons

Things I've learned over the years.

That trust is not a black and white thing. Its based on foundations of healthiness and levels and wisdom.

That most things are a process: Adulthood. Learning to write. Learning boundaries. Learning to dance. Marriage. Being a parent. 

That you always have a choice.

God is a choice. I choose him. 

My walk with God comes first.

Either you believe in God and follow him or you don't. There is no in-betweens.

That relationships are a process and both parties need to be involved. 

That I have a voice, my feelings matter and nobody gets to stifle my voice.

Rushing into anything is a bad idea. 

That what you see isn’t always what you get. A man may appear to be charming and a good man and when push comes to shove turn out to be a unhealthy person...so remain investigative of intent and behavior. (First relationship experience).

Core values, wisdom, moral values, your views, how you fight, how you love, boundaries and beliefs are more important than appearances, how much money you have, what job you work for, what your family name means, what is expected of you.

A paycheck and living up to a set of guidelines SHOULD NEVER BE more important than how you feel or who you are as a person.

You didn’t choose your parents or your siblings but you do get to chose who you are and what you believe.

Boundaries are essential for health and for living.

Giving the benefit of the doubt is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard and is a foolish notion!

Live your dreams and fight for what you believe in and let not the chains of our past or what people deem you should be, keep you from being who you are. 

Having nice things is nice but things alone will not make you a good person.

Listening is just as important as speaking. 

You must speak up to be heard but when you do be wise.

Nature is one of the most healing things I know.

My past doesn’t define me, it is what I’ve lived through and learned from.

A strong woman or person deals with the truth no matter how painful it is.

That intimacy is ESSENTIAL for closeness with someone. 

Just because you have sex doesn’t mean they are good at anything else or right for you. (First serious relationship experience.)

Its the small things and gestures that make the big things worth it. 

When you get with someone let it be only because you like them and want to see if you fit. 

Dating is the dumbest idea in the history of society and I won’t ever do that again. Courting is how it should be I think.

Being kind, polite and friendly does not mean being a door mat, passive or ignoring your gut. 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but don’t let the beholder dictate to you, your worth or beauty!

There is no reason you can’t make a change in your looks, clothing, how you talk or where you go. Just make sure its for the good not the worse.

Living up to others expectations will only leave you resentful in the end. Live not for them but for what is best for you!

Meeting someone on an emotional level is more important than anything else. Even if your angry with them, they did something wrong or you did something wrong.

How you argue is more important than how you are when things are good.

If your relationship isn’t nurtured it will die. And no amount of tweaking your sex life will fix it because its not the sex. (First relationship experience).

That people are only human AND its not enough to say that and not work on something.

Denial only hurts everybody in the end. Stop denying truth. Open your f*****g eyes.

Abuse is rampant in our society today and emotional is just as bad as physical. 

Expect people won't agree with your decisions and accept that you have the freedom to have your choices and decisions too as an adult.

That really when people say its a dog eat dog world they just mean they've resigned to stepping on other people and use that as an excuse. The world is what you make of it not what you others tell you it is.

Some people just are so broken its better not being friends with them.

That you can't change anybody but you and don't bother trying they will just resent you for it.

Your responsibility is for yourself alone and when you have kids but until then your only responsible for yourself and your feelings nobody else. Responsibility is usually a to not a for. 

Pacing, sitting in bed thinking and watching nature is all very good for the soul when never overdone.

Hopeless is a product of negative thinking and situations that don't feel good. You can get past it.

That there is light at the end of the tunnel and that all storms pass eventually.

Reactive is not a bad thing but don't get stuck there eternally either. Because the next stage is proactive. 

When you make a decision let it be informed and not under duress.

Performing under stressful situations needs two things: Centeredness/Relaxation and Companioning with God. 

It is not enough to do something because you think your suppose to. Let it be because you know its FOR you and no one else.

Many things people say aren't true and if you don't have your investigative mode on you might miss the lies.

Video games are fun and stress reliving and need to be in moderation. 

Wearing white shoes after labor day is not poor choice or a crime.

You dont have to agree with someone but if its wrong what they are doing or saying standing on the sidelines doing nothing is saying it is okay to continue this behavior or speak in this way. Where you can't control others you also have a responsibility as a child of God to stand up for whats right.

You cannot fix others, change them or control them but you can be supportive or not supportive of them and their choices. 

Just because it looks like a beetle and moves like one does not mean it is one.

Guard your hearts, its so easy to fall to something unknowingly. 

Expecting the worst or hoping for the best is a bad saying and needs to stop being thrown around. Nothing is certain as the future is unknown. Its okay not knowing something and having the time and grace to learn. And sometimes what is best is not what you expect be open to it. 

Tolerance I feel is just another word for saying something is okay when its not but standing on your high horses and hating someone is equally wrong!

Your entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to mine. So let's stop pushing each other around with control issues. 

Its my body is just another excuse for why you don't have self control to not put drugs into your system or drink. 

Lack of self control is just another boundary violation and it can be learned if you want to learn it.

Shame, guilt and denial should not get to dictate who you are, how you feel or what you  chose. 

The older I get the more I realize how little I really know.

I'd rather live comfortable with some nice things then live in a luxurious house and be in debt.

Coffee is way better than coke cola and I swear it!

Learning to do chores is not a bad thing. Its for you and it doesn't have to be depressing and boring. 

Humor can be a great thing just don't forget that not all things are funny to some people and humor can be hurtful so be aware of it.

Laughter in the most painful and different circumstances is a great stress reliever and helps retain sanity.

Sex is best saved for marriage...its just what is best for me and what I want.

Sleeping around and proudly boasting about it is really retarded. I normally say in my head congratulations you know how to procreate and get diseases! 

Man or Woman cheating on your significant other is still cheating. 

Going on online, emailing, writing a letter, phone calls and anything else that you seek out support through things in your life is not bad but boundaries MUST be enforced.

Stating your role playing through an email system with a co worker is NOT fooling anyone its called cheating. And role playing in general is not actually a bad thing when your partner knows of it and there are rules established and boundaries respected. (First relationship experience)

When you court someone make sure that you've got a friendship first. Without a friendship when the hard times hit the friendship helps sustain. Of course you gotta keep working on it.

No matter what you went through it is not okay to take it out on your children and to continue the cycle of pain and hurt. 

No matter what you went through you always have a choice with how you deal with it, what you feel about it and how you heal through it. You can always chose to be healthy and strive for joy in your life. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

"We are put on this Earth to learn from our children but we have to have open ears to listen." - Cindy

Sometimes days are just right foot left foot days. In order words its a bad day but calling it that doesn't make it any better so calling it right foot left foot days isn't making it bad its just a hard day.

Sometimes we can't always see or know what is going or what is happening at the time but when our eyes clear and we can finally see it is up to us to make the changes we want to see happen. 

Finding each other is the begining, staying together is the process, Working together is the success. (Relationships)

Be the choice and not just an option! (Relationships)

One thing worse than quitting is being afraid to begin, doing your best is more important than being the best.

The people worth having around are the people that are willing to fight for you despite being hurt.

Trust, also, must be reevaluated from time to time for people in your life. 

People are people but there is no excuse for doing something knowing better and still doing it anyways!

There is no excuse to stay ignorant of the fact that you choose to give up your choice, in feign infancy, instead of be honest in where your at and admit to needing to work on things.

The past can hurt but you do not have to let it drag you down. You can learn from it and take it as a learning lesson. Sometimes these lessons are expensive and costly. 

Part of knowing the truth and forgiving people, situations and yourself begins with being honest about your feelings and knowing what is your ownership in something and what is not your responsibility. 

 

Author's Note

I will continue to add to this as I learn more things.