I do Matter

Reflective thoughts about the current situation of my life.

I do matter.

My thoughts are like pearls being dropped into a glass bowl. 

I sit raw and ragged in some ways with my past.

The sound echoes and reflects.

I continue looking forward, healing what comes up.

Lately all pain surrounds clouding everything.

I struggle to stand, my legs bloody and blistered.

What time discounts will be paid in full.

I've cleaned up and taken time to see what must change.

Still people stand in a jury and prosecute me.

I would not have continued in the past had I known what I do now.

Conditioning is neither a choice or a want. 

I am not to blame though fingers point at me for things that have happened.

Responsibility does not lie solely on me alone on many things.

I am responsible only to what I have done.

For the wounds I've dug into or created I have changed and am learning to sheath my sword.

I do not own other's swords.

Ownership is a "to" not a "for".

I am responsible only for myself not anyone else.

What happened in the past was sour and grievous.

I cannot go back in time and so I can only change what I do now.

The flash of light cascading down shows truth in the deep places.

I have feelings and they are valid, important, matter and I get a right to express them.

Condemnation is just another sword used to punish and it is not loving. 

I have seen many people who I thought were my friends reject my feelings or place less value on them.

With white coats sooted with ash you point at your woes and ignore the arrow in my gut. 

I say that neither of us hurts less or more. We are human and we ache together.

At the lowest point, picking up from the bottom of the river is the hardest thing to do.

When the tide comes who stands with you or against you?

Value only those who stand with you. The rest send a fond fair well. 

Reviews

[Holly Mason]

yes you do matter...friends that leave during time of need are not friends just people that have to know people
especially if that friend only sees their own pain and ignore the arrow in your gut-good imagery there
your words are written so heart felt-I do not know you but you matter to me
thank you for sharing yourself so openly

[The Valerian Legion]

Thank you!