Meaning(less)

Sometimes I feel like I'm dancing on thin air

I ask God to purify my mind so I won't have to try so hard

To do the right thing, to be the right girl

But in the midst of it all I can't seem to look outside of myself

For the fear of my true self not being good enough for the evil that inhabits judgmental souls

I see them throw daggers at me with their eyes

And I feel the sharp blades puncture me every time

Whenever I get too comfortable with someone

We share a companionship that makes me feel safe and warm inside

Their hooks get sunken too deep inside of me

And when they leave me, I feel my flesh tear apart as the hooks are violently torn out

And I see my pain bring them happiness, it's what they wanted all along

The only way to heal the wound is by indulging in old habits

Habits that also make me feel safe and warm inside

Habits that are self destructive but create a chemical happiness

Not only am I pointlessly drifting along in this world, but obstacles are constantly being thrown my way

Knocking the air out of my lungs and pushing me back three steps

Some days I'd do anything to reach my goals, even if it meant walking on broken glass in a dark room

But some days I'd rather just stay inside my secluded bubble where I'm shielded from the world

Bordering between psychotically motivated and heavily burdened

I am not a victim

I have evil thoughts and selfish motives

But I also have good intentions and positivity

Conflicting traits that I feel are constantly at war

They scream at each other, I root for the good but sometimes I'm silently cheering for the bad

I'm gullible, I'll believe anything you say

I'll meet strangers at midnight and believe your intentions are innocent

I'll believe you're cheering me on when you're actually sticking your foot out to trip me

It's not new for people to use that weakness against me

And at night I find myself wondering why I'm faced with all of these tests everywhere I go

So many things trying to pry my heart out of my hands as I walk through the valley of life

And I know it can only mean one of two things

I'm either destined for greatness, or for doom

Perhaps it'll all be worth it in the end

Or maybe not

Reviews

[Poetic Beauty]

I think we all feel a war of good and bad inside us. We all have that choice of which path.

Many time good people are taken advantage of, the older you get the more you will be able to pick the users and abusers out and stay away from them.

So many really good lines in this piece.

[Rathore]

Good read depicting ins and outs of a judgmental woman's life. The bitter truth in bitter style.what a pathetic judgment in the line // the only way to heal the wound is by indulging in old habits //.

[Tessa]

sometimes when you're in an emotional state you have poor judgment, and this was meant to describe the thoughts of someone who's devastated with the fact that on top of being mentally unstable, they can't seem to catch a break. i don't think there's anything wise about partaking in harmful habits, i didn't mean to come across as if i thought there was. hope i cleared some things up. :)