Regret

The day smelled like snow, and that meant that surely good things were bound to happen within the confines of the next two days or so. He called out of nowhere, I expected nothing and received more than was bargained for, the date was set for Saturday night. Everything in life was simple, going to school, working and keeping myself busy, but the unexpected tends to happen when you get too comfortable. Frank was his name, he smelled like my dad but not in a creepy way, it was a comforting smell. He defined my childhood dream but wasn't entitled to what I gave him, love and passion. I didn't let myself give into his charm for a long time, but he knew how to work me, what buttons to push. Things were clear, nothing serious just friends with benefits but the heart grows fond of what it cannot have. That call was the end of me as I knew it, and I let myself get excited about the not so far away future. As the moment of truth came closer, my nerves got crazier but it was an exciting feeling, i felt i deserved what was coming to me and maybe I did for being so foolish. Its Saturday night and I still haven't received a call, not even a text message so I decide to let go and drink some. My company doesn't know that my heart is shriveled like a raisin, and it gets pretty late. I go outside for a cigarette and and my purse buzzes, its Frank. In my inebriated state I reach for the phone and read a message "Hey I just got home, I was hanging out with some friends, you should come over" and my heart skips two or five beats. I had two options, respect myself and go home or see him and feel loved and wanted by him for as long as it could last, so I go with option two. I get to his apartment, he is so handsome and loving, so I give in, not even questioning how he could have stood me up and treated me like some usable piece of candy. The night progresses, we go in for the deed but this time it was different, he knew he had me in the palm of his hand. We are lying in bed and smoking a cigarette, and he says to me "I think you should go home, I have work in the morning", but its Sunday, and I know he has no work. The humiliation seeps into my bones and I feel used and disgusting. As I get dressed and show myself out, I try not to let the tears out but it is becoming harder by the second. I finally reach the elevator and the tears stream down my face as i make my way home, with only one thought in my mind, regret.