Each Moment

Time is fluid. I try to hold a moment in my mind and it’s like trying to hold a river in my hand. Every moment feeds seamlessly into the next without pause, each arguably no more or less sacred than the rest. I know that on a conscious level, yet I still live my day to day not really paying attention, on autopilot towards some goals or thinking about something that already happened. I live life as if I'm eagerly waiting for a certain handful of moments in the far future. I live as if those are the only moments that truly matter and that everything else is just leading up to those precious few. I study and work for this happiness and satisfaction that is to come in the future. I lay all my plans and hopes on some vague notion of a point in time where I'll have all I need and can finally sit down and focus on being happy and content. When I consciously say it, it sounds completely absurd, like a mule chasing a carrot forever dangling in front of him. Growing up, different voices, be they from my parents or the surrounding culture hammer in this idea of planning for tomorrow, of learning from past mistakes, of running after achievements and successes. Finish school. Finish your bachelor’s. Find a job. Get married. Buy a home. Buy a car. Consume, consume, consume and run after this vague idea of future happiness and satisfaction right around the corner, right after your next achievement. What is this future happiness really? Is it in the comfort these material things provide? Is it in the security of having them? Will I be able to sit down and be at peace with myself and the world around me right after I buy that car? 
If I always live for this tomorrow, analyzing the past and planning for the future for the sake of it, will I ever really live, even when that moment inevitably comes, will I know? Will I truly be present for it?

Art Credit: Mark Chadwick